Any women with autism on here who aren't suicidal and feel happy with their lives?

I would really like to speak with one.

Not to be super bleak but many of the people I identified with in my life, the kind of people you'd say, 'we're alike' even if you weren't that close, are now dead. I have to ask why that is. One of only two other women with autism who I knew died recently of an overdose (The other does not seem to like me much and we no longer talk).

The feeling that 'we' are not made for this world, and how are we meant to get along in it, are very common and the evidence as I have witnessed and lived it thus far suggests probably true. Is any woman with autism here living a life they are happy with?  Is anyone here 'okay'? I would really like to have an honest conversation with another woman whose life doesn't suck - and how that came about. NOT performatively - no bullshit designed to make me feel better in the short term regardless of reality.  If you are an adult woman with autism and your life genuinely doesn't suck, can we chat?

Thanks peeps

  • I'll chat if you like, like most of us here I've had a struggle to get past feeling like hell about life and periods of suicidal ideation. I'm not ecstatic about life but I'm getting along, have a much loved home, friends, cat, I'm OK. I think the secret is to make a life around what you value and the people who make you feel comfortable and valued and not around what NTs value or the kind of relationships they think are "normal". Find your 'tribe' and you'll find the care and connection you need and never mind the rest of it. Feel free to ping me a private msg if you like.

  • I was adopted aged five. My adopted family rejected me and, from the age of 19, I lived in a mental hospital.
    After I was diagnosed with Autism I must leave and had to live on the street.
    I almost did not speak. I didn’t have any life experience. I did not even know how to wash dishes, clean my room or how to use public transport or phone.
    All the time I was fighting suicidal ideation. I was trying many different ways to stop the horrible mental pain which burned me from the inside, but someone on the sky decide to give me a chance.
    Thanks to my friends who help me. I was given a chance to improve my life. People  tried to understand and help me. For me it was unusual. I was helped to go to college. My assistant at a college saw my drawings and suggested I go on an art and design course.
    I am 53 now and going to finish university
    I don't think about suicides anymore. I really want to create a puppet theatre where we could tell stories from our live.

  • I agree. There is always hope even when it seems there is none. Please speak with your GP Maz!

  • Maz. it is not true that nobody cares. People on this forum do. Well, I do. Life is never as worthless and bleak as it appears in some of those moments. Autism is a continuous life long difficulty, but feeling suicidal isn't. I can tell you that. I know what I am talking about.  I am sure you know about chemical imbalance in the brain and that that makes you see everything in dark light. Do you have your meds? Do you take them? How long ago have they been reviewed? Have you seen your GP recently? If not please talk to your GP.

    On the point of this forum, the good news is people here are autistic, so you could always reach out and people would respond on the face value. 

  • Thanks for replying. Realistically charities don’t have unlimited resources. They have to prioritise. That’s why NAS cannot support independent adults. I will probably muddle through best I can. Just feel hugely let down and like I’m rubbish. I appreciate that is my current perception. Some people really are islands and I’m just one of them. Good job i like coconuts. Shame I never really felt accepted here. I did try. It’s all a bit ridiculous anyway since I have a hard enough job reading body language etc etc and none of that exists on the internet, so I’m even more clueless to prompts etc. If nobody tells me, how the heck am i supposed to know what I did wrong? How the heck do I know if people are playing or really having serious arguments? I’m more lost than before. Maybe the forum is good for others, but not for me. It’s best I steer clear. Thank you for at least talking to me and listening. I do appreciate that. 

  • I tried to message you but I think you must have that disabled. Thank you for writing your response. It sounds like you've had a lot to deal with. It can be really demoralising when unfortunate things happen, and then everything seems to spiral. The whole welfare system is broken and the ones who really suffer and those like yourself. You're not stupid and naïve, I can tell just from your response here. We like to see the best in people and assume they have the best intentions, but this isn't always the case, and it's not your fault. Have you considered talking to a charity in your local area about your situation? They may be able to put you in contact with someone who can help you. I find it distressing that one of the richest countries in the world leaves it to charities to do the most important work. But that is where we are. Stay strong Maz2, there is a way out. 

  • It’s my own stupid fault. I was told I would need a diagnosis to get support. So I got a diagnosis, only to be told there’s no support, but go to the NAS website. I expected mutual support on the forum and genuinely believed the NAS would be helpful. But they are not here for adults on the spectrum. They don’t even acknowledge emails. Only automated responses. I feel ostracised on the forum. I need telling in plain English what the problem is. I found nastiness going on that I was unprepared for, because I am stupid and naïve. I couldn’t understand what was going on between people to make them say such nasty things to each other and why friends don’t stop another friend from going too far. Maybe it was all a sick joke. And NAS employees of any description should not be getting away with nastiness just because they are ‘valued’ by the organisation. 

    I was stupid and naive. A charity has a central aim of raising money to support a select few. I’ve worked for one. NAS is not there for me, the forum just seems toxic and unwelcoming, with people private messaging each other and able to influence who people say what to and who to freeze out. I get more response from a brick wall generally. The people I used to have conversations with got frozen out too. It’s not supposed to be a popularity contest! 

    I don’t have anyone to talk to. I am unsupported. Now I am autistic the DWP want to cut my money. Then the council won’t pay my housing benefit. I don’t want to be homeless again and employers still won’t employ me. Yes, I am capable of some sort of work, but employers will not take me on/keep me. 

    I am not someone coming to the forum with plenty of background support and finances etc. But there’s the problem. I’m seen as independent, so even within this organisation I just have to jog on and pretend being totally ignored and left to suffer doesn’t hurt. Maybe I’m just a huge joke  At least I’ve made somebody laugh.

    I’m sorry, I have lost more than one friend to suicide too. It hurt me much more than it did them. But really there is no refuge in this world. Nobody cares, everybody knows it, nothing gets done. I’m no use to anyone else anyway. Thanks for replying. I’d better shut up now and pretend the world is a wonderful, caring utopia. At least the sun is shining now. 

  • Has this site made you feel worse or have you always felt like this? Please reach out to someone if you ever feel like this. You mean more to others than you realise. And I say this as someone who has had to live through the agony of losing my only close friend to suicide. Don't make a decision like that. Dont listen to that negative voice in your head - it's lying to you. Every single human life is as valuable and important as each other. If you need to talk about things, please find someone to talk to. You can always change things into something more positive, even if you can't see that now, someone will be able to show you it's possible. 

  • This site has made me plan ligature point, long enough drop etc etc to hang myself. Like you Esmeralda, I realise it doesn’t matter to the universe or anyone really if I just jump. And it’s private when I do it. Here today, gone tomorrow, forgotten before anyway. As long as it’s complete and I’m not a financial burden on our precious NHS afterwards. Or the DWP. It makes pure financial sense all round. 

  • Yes I am male but fighting suicidal ideation which is a really bad obsession if autistic as you will find it very difficult but you can be strong. Try to find a role that makes you like life and feel good

  • Is any woman with autism here living a life they are happy with?

    Almost....

    I have learned a great deal on my life journey thus far and that has made be both aware of my vulnerabilities and my strengths.  The latter relates to determination, humanity, tenacity and resourcefulness.  Importantly, there is a realisation that I am "ok" as a person and contribute more than I take.  That I am a caring and loving individual.  However, as I grow more at peace with myself, I realise more where I am different from others in my approach and angle. It is not a threat to others it is just that they don't "get it" at face value.

    I have had lows but also great highs.

  • Yes I feel quite relieved to have got to this point of understanding at a young age. when I hear about other people's experiences and they only get diagnosed later in life, I think that could easily be me. When I got to those dark places, I really believed those negative voices in my head. I really believed that it didn't matter what happened to me. Its still a struggle not to listen but now I have the knowledge to stop the thought spirals when they start instead of running along with it. I think learning to go easy on yourself is a huge step. 

  • Yes, happy to chat.

    I'm 57, new to this forum and happy as an Aspie. My approach to life is 'it is what it is' and I put my welfare and peace of mind first these days. I don't socialise as it emotionally drains me for days afterwards, so I don't do it - same with anything else that I've come to recognise as 'not my thing'

    I was dx a long time ago and am now used to 'me being me' - relationships have come and gone as I can't maintain them, so I have a dog instead - and my blood pressure thanks me...

    I have 'in' days and 'out' days depending on how I feel - if it's an 'in' day because I'm feeling stressed then so be it - I treat myself to a DVD or just faff about on the computer. On days I 'have' to go out and know I will get stressed I reward myself with 'in' days doing bug..r all Slight smile

    I don't even try to 'fit in' - I long ago came to the conclusion I was happier NOT fitting in - I don't view being on my own as a bad thing - I do what I want when I want., eat when and what I want, have full control of the remote - I'm 100% bachelor girl - I believe our view of somehow thinking we 'should' fit in is basically what causes the stress - it's like pushing water uphill.

    I don't have much of what NT's push as being a measure of success - I live in social housing and have an online job that pays peanuts - according to their definition my life probably does suck. But that's their definition not mine. I tried life their way and had a well paid job, own house with mortgage and a new sports car - along with it went being physically ill, permanently emotionally drained and a nervous breakdown. Once I took a step back and stopped trying to fit their plan and started looking at what actually made me happy in life things began to improve - and it's sort of snowballed from there.

    So, I'm Aspie, happy and that's how it came about. If you want to chat I'm happy to. If not my advice is to start making changes, start with small ones, but keep assessing what makes 'you' happy or what 'worked' and build on it.

    Christine

  • Great reply, I also have worked out I need a break sometimes before it gets too much! I only worked this out now I'm 37! 

  • Hi , is there anything in particular making you feel this way or do you feel like this all the time? I am a self diagnosed autistic female. Up until I came across autism last year, I was definitely unhappy and went through cycles of being very unhappy and destructive. Now that I know about the autism, and continue to find out more and more about it, I have been feeling a lot better. I definitely still have days where I'm struggling, but now I know that it is just overload, and the feelings and negative voices in my head will stop, it's just a case of getting through that day. I know now when I need to take a break from things and this has definitely been very helpful. Hopefully I can avoid going into full destructive mode from now on. So I would say that yes, on balance, most of the time I am happy.

  • Hey there, I am a woman with Autism, I was diagnosed with Asperger's in December of last year. I'm happy. I hope I can help? Ask me anything that you wish either on here or if you prefer you can add me as a friend and PM me.

  • I'm not great with chat. Sorry, I feel the need to be honest. Chat of any description really isn't my forte...

    However, I am an autistic woman who is happy...

    I'm not suicidal. I'm okay.

    That's not to say there aren't struggles but generally I'm happy.

    There are things that could be better but I'm happy with lots of the things in my life.

    I'm not sure what you want to chat about...

    How happy came about?

    I have a life of meaningful activity...

    I engage in my special interest 1 on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday each week.

    I engage in my special interest 2 on Tuesday and Thursday each week.

    If the opportunity to do more special interest activity arises then I take it.

    I engage in yoga 3 to 4 times per week. This has really helped me feel physically and psychologically better!

    Getting my diagnosis has helped. I'm not faulty or failing. I'm "wired" differently and I accept that. Acceptance has helped. No one else knows but I know and I'm less self-judging and I believe, happier.

    I volunteer once per week for a good cause. This makes me feel like I'm doing something meaningful for others and not just myself. 

    I don't force myself to socialise ever!

    I'm not sure what else. I'm not sure if that's helpful. As I say it isn't perfect but I'm realistic about that. I have good stuff going on all the time and I focus on that as much as possible and avoid letting the bad stuff get in the way of the good stuff.