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Why do they do it?

leanne35

Hi All,

I have two boys aged 7 and 9 who are both on the autistic spectrum.  The eldest has a dual diagnosis of adhd too.  I'm not sure if I'm having a rant here or looking for answers but here goes!

I just don't get why they are so violent towards me.  I live on my own with them, although their dad is local and sees them often and has input with them.  They have a statement of special needs at school and cope ok there.  But my god, they hate me.  Over the years they have become so violent towards me, both verbally and physically.  The slightest hint they are not to get their own way and I'm threatened with physical violence. 

Today we were supposed to go to an event which we attend every year.  They knew we were going and they also knew what would be in store for them activity wise - so no surprises.  I gave them the countdown before we were due to leave so they knew when we were going.  I asked my eldest to go clean his teeth, steadfastly refused and left the house with his bike to find his friend.  Meanwhile the youngest is faffing on the Wii.  I had to go out and look for the eldest who argued back with me with a few choice names.  Managed to get him indoors and made him stay while I locked up, all the time being called names.  Then had to try to get the youngest off the wii, which to cut a long story short ended up with me being punched in the face and kicked in the stomach.  Needless to say, we didn't go and I have banned them from going outside as punishment.  Just a few moments ago I had to turn away on of their friends which earned me a kidney punch.

I have no idea how to stop this.  Sometimes I don't even see it coming.  I have lost friends through their behaviour as people can't tolerate being around them (and some judge too) and we are seldom invited to any family events.  They don't hit out at anyone else and certainly not their Dad.  Why are they doing this to me?  Its not as if I even smack them when they do this, would be counterproductive anyway.  Has anyone else had this issue?  I feel like I'm the only person going through this right now and think its my fault, I must have messed up somewhere along the line.

Parents

  • Hi there,  I am all knew to asd, my lil un Bounce has bitten myself his dad and 6 siblings on many occasions and has been doing it to peers and t/a's teechers has well at school.  I was recently recommended reading a book called 'understanding behaviour' available through NAS.

    Many times myself and school have had to write down what happened leading up to incident, behaviour, consequences etc on ABC charts, these have been looked at by ed physc. paed etc who have been able to advise me and school on ways to deal with these issues and what Bounce has found hard to deal with leading up to the incident.

    Not sure if this would help, but its def worth a try. Bounce has to have visual timetables at school and at present setting them up at home for him. Things can be thrown way out of order at home has he has 4 siblings with various s/n , so things can be very challenging. Have u spoke to your sons paed at all???? Are they able to offer you any help/support????

Reply

  • Hi there,  I am all knew to asd, my lil un Bounce has bitten myself his dad and 6 siblings on many occasions and has been doing it to peers and t/a's teechers has well at school.  I was recently recommended reading a book called 'understanding behaviour' available through NAS.

    Many times myself and school have had to write down what happened leading up to incident, behaviour, consequences etc on ABC charts, these have been looked at by ed physc. paed etc who have been able to advise me and school on ways to deal with these issues and what Bounce has found hard to deal with leading up to the incident.

    Not sure if this would help, but its def worth a try. Bounce has to have visual timetables at school and at present setting them up at home for him. Things can be thrown way out of order at home has he has 4 siblings with various s/n , so things can be very challenging. Have u spoke to your sons paed at all???? Are they able to offer you any help/support????

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