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Why do they do it?

leanne35

Hi All,

I have two boys aged 7 and 9 who are both on the autistic spectrum.  The eldest has a dual diagnosis of adhd too.  I'm not sure if I'm having a rant here or looking for answers but here goes!

I just don't get why they are so violent towards me.  I live on my own with them, although their dad is local and sees them often and has input with them.  They have a statement of special needs at school and cope ok there.  But my god, they hate me.  Over the years they have become so violent towards me, both verbally and physically.  The slightest hint they are not to get their own way and I'm threatened with physical violence. 

Today we were supposed to go to an event which we attend every year.  They knew we were going and they also knew what would be in store for them activity wise - so no surprises.  I gave them the countdown before we were due to leave so they knew when we were going.  I asked my eldest to go clean his teeth, steadfastly refused and left the house with his bike to find his friend.  Meanwhile the youngest is faffing on the Wii.  I had to go out and look for the eldest who argued back with me with a few choice names.  Managed to get him indoors and made him stay while I locked up, all the time being called names.  Then had to try to get the youngest off the wii, which to cut a long story short ended up with me being punched in the face and kicked in the stomach.  Needless to say, we didn't go and I have banned them from going outside as punishment.  Just a few moments ago I had to turn away on of their friends which earned me a kidney punch.

I have no idea how to stop this.  Sometimes I don't even see it coming.  I have lost friends through their behaviour as people can't tolerate being around them (and some judge too) and we are seldom invited to any family events.  They don't hit out at anyone else and certainly not their Dad.  Why are they doing this to me?  Its not as if I even smack them when they do this, would be counterproductive anyway.  Has anyone else had this issue?  I feel like I'm the only person going through this right now and think its my fault, I must have messed up somewhere along the line.

Parents

  • I'd hoped in my earlier posting to quote Attwood, but was interrupted by an unexpected visitor and had to cut the posting short. What Attwood says on p114 is that "I have noted that some children with Asperger's syndrome can develop a conduct disorder in terms of using threats and acts of violence to control their circumstances and experiences".

    This is down to having limited options for expression of need. Without social reference points they don't move towards "negotiation, compromise and cooperation" to get what they need.

    Some children may feel that other people are deliberately trying to confuse or annoy them, and having less experience of social solutions seek retribution and retaliation.

    In short you need to seek interventuion, because this isn't going to be easily solved by hoping they will see they are in the wrong.

Reply

  • I'd hoped in my earlier posting to quote Attwood, but was interrupted by an unexpected visitor and had to cut the posting short. What Attwood says on p114 is that "I have noted that some children with Asperger's syndrome can develop a conduct disorder in terms of using threats and acts of violence to control their circumstances and experiences".

    This is down to having limited options for expression of need. Without social reference points they don't move towards "negotiation, compromise and cooperation" to get what they need.

    Some children may feel that other people are deliberately trying to confuse or annoy them, and having less experience of social solutions seek retribution and retaliation.

    In short you need to seek interventuion, because this isn't going to be easily solved by hoping they will see they are in the wrong.

Children
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