• Replies 13 replies
  • Subscribers 79 subscribers
  • Views 3271 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Why do they do it?

leanne35

Hi All,

I have two boys aged 7 and 9 who are both on the autistic spectrum.  The eldest has a dual diagnosis of adhd too.  I'm not sure if I'm having a rant here or looking for answers but here goes!

I just don't get why they are so violent towards me.  I live on my own with them, although their dad is local and sees them often and has input with them.  They have a statement of special needs at school and cope ok there.  But my god, they hate me.  Over the years they have become so violent towards me, both verbally and physically.  The slightest hint they are not to get their own way and I'm threatened with physical violence. 

Today we were supposed to go to an event which we attend every year.  They knew we were going and they also knew what would be in store for them activity wise - so no surprises.  I gave them the countdown before we were due to leave so they knew when we were going.  I asked my eldest to go clean his teeth, steadfastly refused and left the house with his bike to find his friend.  Meanwhile the youngest is faffing on the Wii.  I had to go out and look for the eldest who argued back with me with a few choice names.  Managed to get him indoors and made him stay while I locked up, all the time being called names.  Then had to try to get the youngest off the wii, which to cut a long story short ended up with me being punched in the face and kicked in the stomach.  Needless to say, we didn't go and I have banned them from going outside as punishment.  Just a few moments ago I had to turn away on of their friends which earned me a kidney punch.

I have no idea how to stop this.  Sometimes I don't even see it coming.  I have lost friends through their behaviour as people can't tolerate being around them (and some judge too) and we are seldom invited to any family events.  They don't hit out at anyone else and certainly not their Dad.  Why are they doing this to me?  Its not as if I even smack them when they do this, would be counterproductive anyway.  Has anyone else had this issue?  I feel like I'm the only person going through this right now and think its my fault, I must have messed up somewhere along the line.

Parents

  • Really feel for you - i have been on the receiving end many a time. I don't believe my son (who's now 18) does it to get his own way , becasue after a meltdown plans often have to change and not always to his advatage. I'd like to think its me becasue I am the one person who will love him forever whatever.

    Its hard enough getting the autistic one to co-operate when you have NT other kids, who will sometimes help you work round issues - who sits where in the car , what we have on the radio etc.

    Can't really offer much advice, but what works for us is trying to control the situation if you are trying to get out together on time - and trying to avoid gaps . So we might have cooked breakfast then get in the car and go somewhere before people get involved in something else, but i know it can't always be like that.

    Also , Id'd say choose your battles - some are not worth fighting. Its not giving in and letting them get their own way its finding ourt what works best and making the most of it -

    For example if a small packet of sweets gets them int he car and lets you get out to be with others and has a bit of a break I'd do it . Where you can use rewards i would whilst they are young

    I hope you manage to make the most of the break when the kids are with their dad. We need to recharge our batteries ready for the next time

     

Reply

  • Really feel for you - i have been on the receiving end many a time. I don't believe my son (who's now 18) does it to get his own way , becasue after a meltdown plans often have to change and not always to his advatage. I'd like to think its me becasue I am the one person who will love him forever whatever.

    Its hard enough getting the autistic one to co-operate when you have NT other kids, who will sometimes help you work round issues - who sits where in the car , what we have on the radio etc.

    Can't really offer much advice, but what works for us is trying to control the situation if you are trying to get out together on time - and trying to avoid gaps . So we might have cooked breakfast then get in the car and go somewhere before people get involved in something else, but i know it can't always be like that.

    Also , Id'd say choose your battles - some are not worth fighting. Its not giving in and letting them get their own way its finding ourt what works best and making the most of it -

    For example if a small packet of sweets gets them int he car and lets you get out to be with others and has a bit of a break I'd do it . Where you can use rewards i would whilst they are young

    I hope you manage to make the most of the break when the kids are with their dad. We need to recharge our batteries ready for the next time

     

Children
No Data