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Why do they do it?

leanne35

Hi All,

I have two boys aged 7 and 9 who are both on the autistic spectrum.  The eldest has a dual diagnosis of adhd too.  I'm not sure if I'm having a rant here or looking for answers but here goes!

I just don't get why they are so violent towards me.  I live on my own with them, although their dad is local and sees them often and has input with them.  They have a statement of special needs at school and cope ok there.  But my god, they hate me.  Over the years they have become so violent towards me, both verbally and physically.  The slightest hint they are not to get their own way and I'm threatened with physical violence. 

Today we were supposed to go to an event which we attend every year.  They knew we were going and they also knew what would be in store for them activity wise - so no surprises.  I gave them the countdown before we were due to leave so they knew when we were going.  I asked my eldest to go clean his teeth, steadfastly refused and left the house with his bike to find his friend.  Meanwhile the youngest is faffing on the Wii.  I had to go out and look for the eldest who argued back with me with a few choice names.  Managed to get him indoors and made him stay while I locked up, all the time being called names.  Then had to try to get the youngest off the wii, which to cut a long story short ended up with me being punched in the face and kicked in the stomach.  Needless to say, we didn't go and I have banned them from going outside as punishment.  Just a few moments ago I had to turn away on of their friends which earned me a kidney punch.

I have no idea how to stop this.  Sometimes I don't even see it coming.  I have lost friends through their behaviour as people can't tolerate being around them (and some judge too) and we are seldom invited to any family events.  They don't hit out at anyone else and certainly not their Dad.  Why are they doing this to me?  Its not as if I even smack them when they do this, would be counterproductive anyway.  Has anyone else had this issue?  I feel like I'm the only person going through this right now and think its my fault, I must have messed up somewhere along the line.

Parents

  • hi there leanne, if you need to rant by all means go ahead, i understand and i think a few others do as well

    to be honest, sometimes i dontknow what to say, why people with autism do or dont do something, most of the time they re frustrated by something but we arent gonna always know what it is, and other times, well, i dont know, i think sometimes they just need to get it out, and take it out on those closest to them, even if they dont mean to, they just need to let it out

    im really sorry you have to go through that, do you have no one you can talk to or any help avaliable?

    can you not talk to their dad about him working with you to solve this?

    i really understand from your perspective, being the partner of an autistic man, its strefull and well sometimes makes you feel like you are at the end of your road withit all

    from what i have seen on docus about autism and the parents of violent autistic kids, they literally have to hold them down, its all you can do, or allow them to go and do what they need to, let it out in their room, play games, whtever, it doesnt help anyone to make them do something they dont want

    even if it means YOUR day and plans are messed up Frown

    i can say this for sure, they DONT hate you, they just dont know how to express whatever it is and are trying to tell YOU or want it to be you who makes them feel better

    and you are doing your best, it is a stresfful difficult and very demanding 'job' having autistic kids/partners, and takes a lot out of you

    you have done everything you know to do

Reply

  • hi there leanne, if you need to rant by all means go ahead, i understand and i think a few others do as well

    to be honest, sometimes i dontknow what to say, why people with autism do or dont do something, most of the time they re frustrated by something but we arent gonna always know what it is, and other times, well, i dont know, i think sometimes they just need to get it out, and take it out on those closest to them, even if they dont mean to, they just need to let it out

    im really sorry you have to go through that, do you have no one you can talk to or any help avaliable?

    can you not talk to their dad about him working with you to solve this?

    i really understand from your perspective, being the partner of an autistic man, its strefull and well sometimes makes you feel like you are at the end of your road withit all

    from what i have seen on docus about autism and the parents of violent autistic kids, they literally have to hold them down, its all you can do, or allow them to go and do what they need to, let it out in their room, play games, whtever, it doesnt help anyone to make them do something they dont want

    even if it means YOUR day and plans are messed up Frown

    i can say this for sure, they DONT hate you, they just dont know how to express whatever it is and are trying to tell YOU or want it to be you who makes them feel better

    and you are doing your best, it is a stresfful difficult and very demanding 'job' having autistic kids/partners, and takes a lot out of you

    you have done everything you know to do

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