What next? Processing my diagnostic report.........

I'm done with Christmas Cards said:

Also, my report says something like "There are no other known neurodevelopmental or mental health conditions that explain your presentation".

Maybe they just didn't consider all the other possibilities.

It would be interesting to ask about the other ones we discussed here, to understand their thinking process, and why you do or do not meet the criteria for each one. It'll be interesting to know how they rule each one out. 

But as firemonkey said, there might not be as opportunity to ask when they have a session scheduled with what they need to do in a limited time.

That's where my logic would go too :-). My experience at my first interview tells me that  assessors really don't like being probed about what they think. They are so nervous of litigation I think, if they said "I think it may be X" and then the final diagnosis is different and someone holds it against them. I really dislike this situation because I want to be part of the conversation & part of the thinking process. Maybe the ADOS assessor will be different, maybe not. But I will seek to use the opportunity to provide input to the process & my reaction to my report, in written form.

Also, my report says something like "There are no other known neurodevelopmental or mental health conditions that explain your presentation". Which must mean they've ruled out the others we are talking about. Or it means "You're just weird and science currently has no clue how to deal with categorising you!" :-).

Funny you should say that about the weekend question, that happened to me at work yesterday. I was asked how my weekend was, logically I started to describe what I did from when I finished work on Friday. My memory is always fuzzy so I pause, think, say 'erm' a lot. Then I realise what you have just said and quickly finish talking about myself to say 'but anyway, how was yours?' (They are so happy you ask!) I politely listen and smile whilst being talked at privately thinking 'come on, shut up now...'. I feel less and less able to deal with these types of interactions at work these days. I start to feel my smile fade and start to fidget in my chair, then I wonder where to look etc. They can probably see my transition from appearing social to a nervous oddball! 

Perhaps it would be interesting to ask your assessor about all the differential diagnosis possibilities, ask about ASD, Aspergers, SCD, HSP, NVLD, PDD-NOS, and what his/her opinion is of you possibly having each one? It may help to be more certain of your results?

I didn't see anything odd in your words after the quote. If you're talking about switching to talking about you instead of me, I do that all the time. But I've also noticed that when most people say "hey, how was your weekend?" what they really mean is "Could you just shoot me a quick 'Fine thanks, how about yours?' so that I can tell you all about what happened this weekend?" :-)

I realise that after quoting you referring to faking NT behaviour I swapped to talking about feeling like an AS faker (in the sense of a non-diagnosis). Whilst I am more than confident you'll realise this, for myself, I needed to point it out. Mainly because I proof read anything I post over and over and for that kind of error to get through is rare!! Plus it's this kind of over thinking and concern that is understood here.

I think I covered that up pretty well.... :) 

I'm done with Christmas Cards said:

I once likened the "Aspie realisation moment" to discovering the user manual for my brain that had been hidden down the back of the sofa since I was born, reading it and realising why I was draining batteries so quickly and the green light never came on properly

I really like that analogy, I'm definitely going to use that!

I have a well-trained NT mask that is telling me to reassure you with generic sayings to make you feel better about the situation. In the past I'd have done so without truly knowing why apart from 'that's what people do'. But here, where I am me and you are you, I can tell you that I understand why you are so concerned (especially as I'm so scared of the same realisation that somebody else will tell me I'm not autistic). I can also tell you that, in my humble opinion backed up by my new obsession of researching everything autism, that you are very clearly Aspie.

You don't feel like this for no reason at all:

I'm done with Christmas Cards said:

I'm still recovering from 20 years of faking NT behaviour (at great cost)

Again, I really relate to what you say about feeling like a faker. I can't shake that feeling either, I feel a bit of a fraud without a formal diagnosis. But like you, I feel like I fit in here. What I've learnt from this forum alone has pushed me back towards the light.

I truly hope you get the outcome you desire.

You're welcome - & thanks for taking the trouble to say thanks, it means a lot.

There's a lot of mutual recognition of thought processes here, which is why I feel so at home & will be left feeling adrift again if I don't get a positive diagnosis - and I'm anxious because I think that's a significant possibility. I don't think I've ever found a group where I can relate so much with what most of the members are saying than ASD groups, but I'll feel like a faker / hanger-on if I get a negative dx.

Many people have (rightly) said "It won't matter; you know yourself" which is true, but if I'm told I'm not ASD I'll be wondering if I'm making mountains out of molehills with the difficulties I do have, and inventing ones that I don't have. I'd just like to be able to say in company "I'm leaving now because I have to" and know that there's a good reason for that and I'm being reasonable not selfish and precious.

I once likened the "Aspie realisation moment" to discovering the user manual for my brain that had been hidden down the back of the sofa since I was born, reading it and realising why I was draining batteries so quickly and the green light never came on properly. I now feel like I have that manual and it seems helpful, but I'm not sure it's for the model of brain that I have. I'd like that certainty reconfirmed!

I just want to say thanks for sharing your journey. I'm recently self-diagnosed aspie (light bulb, eureka, epiphany!) and seeking a formal diagnosis through the NHS. It's been a few months and I have no idea where I am in the process... I share so many of your concerns so it's nice to feel 'in good company'.

Yes I'm planning on doing exactly that - a list of observations similar to my reply above - at the ADOS appointment. Then I will know I've done everything that I can and should be able to trust the diagnosis -whatever the result - without worrying that it only *appeared* a certain way.

Yep, guess that the issues the assessor cant read the mind can only make comments on what they perceive outwardly which doesn't really give an accurate picture. but we got to trust the system I guess,

My assessor told me I can add any information, I remember before my final report, maybe that's something you can do, let them know this extra information your thinking of, they should hopefully take it into account to put your mind at ease, I was thinking the same, I don't think I gave a full picture at the time because recovering from a burnout was in a meh mode but  I just cannot remember what I have already said.

Just be yourself. I didn't really think about this area of the criteria when I went for my assessment, and was really unprepared, so when asked, I just said I had lots of interests...(which was kind of a messed-up reply since I did have hobbies, but then again, I also thought well everyone has hobbies). But the assessment should be holistic, like Lagrangian said, Gestalt. Not meeting one or two points should still be ok, if overall you overall meet the criteria. 

I think you've described it very well. My report says I don't currently have any obsessions or interests because on the day I said that I was a bit adrift and between hobbies ("special interests" are recognised as changing over a lifetime). Two months later & I'm throwing myself into Ham Radio again & really don't want anything to take me away from the time I spend in my den fiddling with radio gear. I even resent having to eat sometimes when I'm in the middle of building something. And yes, it's not just about fun, it's about my mind going to a special place of focus full of calm visualising antennas, electrons, radio waves....

I've had obsessive thoughts in abundance over my lifetime, perseverating and ruminating in the pursuit of certainty until I'm worn out. But all that's visible on the surface is anxiety and me not being "present" in the room.

I get really quite annoyed if the shop doesn't have the flavour of crisps that I'm currently stuck on.

Also, my stress levels have historically been far too high because of things threatening my routine but I thought those stress levels were normal. Now that I've found a more sensible level of stress (one that won't kill me or make my life miserable or wear me out again) I realise that, yes, those things *are* a big deal. Perhaps I don't have a meltdown over a bag of crisps, but my stress levels spike for sure. Each day at work I eat a sandwich, bag of crisps, and chocolate bar - in that and no other order. And I realise I started that habit in 1989.

My report says no stereotypical motor movements were noted (stimming?) but I remember flapping my hand around to rub my own chest at one point.

I love listening to music, but I rarely acquire new stuff because I listen to the same stuff over and over for months (if you want a laugh, Carly Rae Jepson has been my go-to for a year now & I still listen to The Human League "Dare" which has been a companion for nearly 35 years).

And of course, no-one hears the little songs that go round in my head when I walk, that I make up to synchronise to each footstep.......and appear automatically before I've thought about it.

Enough evidence for Repetitive and Restricted behaviours? Difficult for me to be objective but I think maybe..

Hi, 

Kindof in a similar position,  haven't had my final report yet but 
dont think I have repetitive behaviours or fixed interests- or have major issues with routinues and change, and have being reflecting on that, 
and realised something, that maybe we do its just not on the surface, and the subconscious stuff we do just do just cope hides it for example I don't like different flavours of food mixed so I put my food in separate plates and eat one thing at a time however the assessor asked to family member do I have a problem with food touching on a plate, they answered No. 
Same with routines I avoid them in recent years because I get anxious when their broken, so now it looks I don't, but it means without them I am not functioning as well, 
 I cannot explain properly so not sure if that makes sense,
also I guess its hard as we don't know the other side, like what is NT, what is ND exactly, 

Seems possible - again it's all about thresholds "severe and pervasive impairment in the development of reciprocal social interaction" and qualitative judgements "symptoms more closely resemble those of autistic disorder, but do not fully meet all its diagnostic signs and symptoms". I must remember to ask about that one.

Thank you :-)

maybe PDD-NOS? a person may have significant autism symptoms in one core area such as social deficits, but mild or no symptoms in another core area such as restricted, repetitive behaviors. 
https://www.autismspeaks.org/pdd-nos

Hi Raspberry, yes and I have the same problem as with DSM, in that I don't seem to have the clear evidence for "a restricted, stereotyped, repetitive repertoire of interests and activities". 

Not particularly, but I do get in an absolute tiz if asked to do something at the last minute when I had plans (even plans to do nothing).

Have you considered yourself against the ICD-10 diagnostic criteria?

I'm done with Christmas Cards said:

at lunch time the stock in the shop has changed and forced me to deviate from my usual sandwich, bag of crisps and chocolate bar, or that I rub my ches

That's right up the street of 'restricted and repetitive behaviours...'

Think of all the stress and all the coping and fall out from coping of small changes like this. If lunch didn't go right, does it sometimes or often affects your meetings, the presentations or social job tasks you have to do right after lunch?