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An Adult with Autism wanting a child. URENT HELP.

NAS62519

Hello All. I am Jodie, I am a 19 year old female who has grew up in a house hold with autistic children, I myself am not autistic. I am here to ask for urgent help for a situation going on inside my family.. this is the story. 

So my family is small but my grandmother and grandfather (70&76) have looked after my severely autistic cousin who is a male and 23 for at least 15 years of his life. He recently joined a group that lets him meet people and experience friendships, but along the line he got a girlfriend, (I’m not sure of her age she’s roughly 20/21). But yes they’ve been together for a few months and it wasn’t anything serious but the thing is with my cousin once he has someone he is fixated on them and he will give them anything they want. This girl has helped him become more independent so we were all glad, she’s taught him to cook and get public transport and actually leave his bedroom which we all thought was just something he never would pluck up the courage to do. But just last week my grandmother broke to me that my cousin and his girlfriend decided to take themselves into his bedroom someone that wasn’t aloud and she didn’t know what to do. And then last night she broke to my mother that my cousin had told my grandparents that him and his girlfriend had sex and that they are trying for a baby, my grandmother feels powerless and we’re not sure what to do to in the situation we cannot let them have a baby, it wouldn’t be right there is no one capable to look after it at this moment and time my grandparents are too old and they already have him my parents work and also have my autistic sister to look after who is only 15 and I work full time with children and I don’t think it should be my responsibility, I’m terrified of what could happen but my grandparents feel helpless in the situation can anyone help us, please. 

Also the girlfriends parents aren’t very good ones, they drink a lot and party and have had all there children taken of them, so a conversation with them is off the tables as they don’t care.

thanks Jodie x

Parents

  • I would have to agree with tinyexplorer your cousin is an adult and so is his girlfriend, it is their choice.

    You state that his girlfriend has helped him gain independence I assume that means that she herself is an independent woman capable of understanding what she is doing. Her parents are largely irrelevant so it doesn't matter if you judge them good or bad. 

    If you are truly concerned I would suggest talking to your cousin making sure he understands the implications of having a family and the responsibility it entails

    But ultimately it is their choice 

  • in reply to NAS39248

    It was often said on this board that autistic people are late bloomers, especially in terms of transition to independence. The person needs to be ready, and it seems that your cousin is. It  is possible that he developed, grown personally in the last few months and the family are just catching up with that.

    The fact that the girlfriend was a catalyst in gaining independence, or perhaps the result of your cousin wanting to become more independent, all suggest that he is ready and self-motivated to take a step towards independence. So perhaps this is the good opportunity, the right time for the family to support this aspiration and help him in the transition?

    In any case it is unsustainable in the long term for him to stay and be cared for by the grandparents and even by the broader family. At some point a transition would have to happen, and now seem the moment when he is interested, positive and might cope better with the help on his girlfriend. Adults on the spectrum are often isolated and lonely and it is really a positive step that he found a group of people to socialise and a gf. You really should support him in this.

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  • in reply to NAS39248

    It was often said on this board that autistic people are late bloomers, especially in terms of transition to independence. The person needs to be ready, and it seems that your cousin is. It  is possible that he developed, grown personally in the last few months and the family are just catching up with that.

    The fact that the girlfriend was a catalyst in gaining independence, or perhaps the result of your cousin wanting to become more independent, all suggest that he is ready and self-motivated to take a step towards independence. So perhaps this is the good opportunity, the right time for the family to support this aspiration and help him in the transition?

    In any case it is unsustainable in the long term for him to stay and be cared for by the grandparents and even by the broader family. At some point a transition would have to happen, and now seem the moment when he is interested, positive and might cope better with the help on his girlfriend. Adults on the spectrum are often isolated and lonely and it is really a positive step that he found a group of people to socialise and a gf. You really should support him in this.

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