An Adult with Autism wanting a child. URENT HELP.

It was often said on this board that autistic people are late bloomers, especially in terms of transition to independence. The person needs to be ready, and it seems that your cousin is. It  is possible that he developed, grown personally in the last few months and the family are just catching up with that.

The fact that the girlfriend was a catalyst in gaining independence, or perhaps the result of your cousin wanting to become more independent, all suggest that he is ready and self-motivated to take a step towards independence. So perhaps this is the good opportunity, the right time for the family to support this aspiration and help him in the transition?

In any case it is unsustainable in the long term for him to stay and be cared for by the grandparents and even by the broader family. At some point a transition would have to happen, and now seem the moment when he is interested, positive and might cope better with the help on his girlfriend. Adults on the spectrum are often isolated and lonely and it is really a positive step that he found a group of people to socialise and a gf. You really should support him in this.

I would have to agree with tinyexplorer your cousin is an adult and so is his girlfriend, it is their choice.

You state that his girlfriend has helped him gain independence I assume that means that she herself is an independent woman capable of understanding what she is doing. Her parents are largely irrelevant so it doesn't matter if you judge them good or bad. 

If you are truly concerned I would suggest talking to your cousin making sure he understands the implications of having a family and the responsibility it entails

But ultimately it is their choice 

NAS62519 said:

my grandmother feels powerless and we’re not sure what to do to in the situation we cannot let them have a baby, it wouldn’t be right there is no one capable to look after it at this moment and time my grandparents are too old and they already have him my parents work and also have my autistic sister to look after who is only 15 and I work full time with children and I don’t think it should be my responsibility, I’m terrified of what could happen but my grandparents feel helpless in the situation can anyone help us, please. 

Also the girlfriends parents aren’t very good ones, they drink a lot and party and have had all there children taken of them, so a conversation with them is off the tables as they don’t care.

There are two separate issues:

1. who decides what your cousin could or couldn't do, and
2. who will care for the child.

The two issues should be considered separately.

The first question seem quite clear: your cousin decides for himself, in fact his girlfriend decides whether to have a baby.

Both your cousin and his girlfriend are adults, the are above the legal age of consent.

Do they have Capacity under the Mental Capacity Act 2005? You don't mention otherwise, so I assume they do.

That means your cousin and his gf are legally entitled to make decisions for themselves.

They have the right to autonomy. This means their body and mind is their own, they are free to decide for themselves to have sex, to have children, to form a family. That means they are free to make decisions about  having children as consenting adults.

It is part of their basic human rights.

The issue about care and support it of course critical.

Does your cousin receive PIP? ESA?

Your grandparents are doing a great job, I am sure, but in the long run the grandparents and even parents won't always be there to assume this role. So if your cousin needs care and support, he needs to get in touch with social care, to get an assessment of his needs and get the right support.

Many autistic people live independently or in supported accomodation with the right support. The question is in getting the assessment of needs and the support.

If your cousin wants to form a family and live independently, the family should support him in getting the right care and support in order to live independently and form a family.

Human Rights Act  : https://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/1998/42/schedule/1

From Liberty: https://www.libertyhumanrights.org.uk/human-rights/what-are-human-rights/human-rights-act/article-8-private-and-family-life

Article 8 

Everyone has the right to respect for his private and family life, his home and his correspondence.

The right to a private life protects your dignity and autonomy (your right to be independent and make your own decisions about your life).

That includes:

• respect for your sexuality
• the right to personal autonomy and physical and psychological integrity (this right means you must not to be physically or psychologically interfered with)
• respect for your private and confidential information, including the storing and sharing of data about you
• the right to uninterrupted and uncensored communication with others
• the right to control the spreading of information about your private life, including photographs taken covertly.

Article 12

Men and women of marriageable age have the right to marry and to found a family, according to the national laws governing the exercise of this right.

Everyone who is old enough – no matter who they are or where they’re from – has the right to get married. This right is written into UK law.

However the details relating to this right are left to other pieces of legislation. For example, rules about who is old enough to be of ‘marriageable age’ are set out elsewhere.

The same goes for rules around capacity and consent, as well as issues of bigamy, incest and other areas relating to what makes a marriage legal – or not.

While there may be many rules around marriage, they do have to serve a purpose and must not interfere with the essence of the right itself. That means the rules shouldn’t actually stop anyone (or any group of people) from getting married if they are able and willing.

The rights to autonomy, independent living and marriage are also protected by the UN Convention on the Rights of Persons with Disabilities

https://www.ohchr.org/EN/HRBodies/CRPD/Pages/ConventionRightsPersonsWithDisabilities.aspx#5

Convention on the Rights of Persons with Disabilities

Article 17 - Protecting the integrity of the person

Every person with disabilities has a right to respect for his or her physical and mental integrity on an equal basis with others.

Article 19 - Living independently and being included in the community

States Parties to this Convention recognize the equal right of all persons with disabilities to live in the community, with choices equal to others, and shall take effective and appropriate measures to facilitate full enjoyment by persons with disabilities of this right and their full inclusion and participation in the community, including by ensuring that:

(a) Persons with disabilities have the opportunity to choose their place of residence and where and with whom they live on an equal basis with others and are not obliged to live in a particular living arrangement;

(b) Persons with disabilities have access to a range of in-home, residential and other community support services, including personal assistance necessary to support living and inclusion in the community, and to prevent isolation or segregation from the community;

(c) Community services and facilities for the general population are available on an equal basis to persons with disabilities and are responsive to their needs.

Article 23 - Respect for home and the family

1. States Parties shall take effective and appropriate measures to eliminate discrimination against persons with disabilities in all matters relating to marriage, family, parenthood and relationships, on an equal basis with others, so as to ensure that:

(a) The right of all persons with disabilities who are of marriageable age to marry and to found a family on the basis of free and full consent of the intending spouses is recognized;

(b) The rights of persons with disabilities to decide freely and responsibly on the number and spacing of their children and to have access to age-appropriate information, reproductive and family planning education are recognized, and the means necessary to enable them to exercise these rights are provided;

(c) Persons with disabilities, including children, retain their fertility on an equal basis with others.

2. States Parties shall ensure the rights and responsibilities of persons with disabilities, with regard to guardianship, wardship, trusteeship, adoption of children or similar institutions, where these concepts exist in national legislation; in all cases the best interests of the child shall be paramount. States Parties shall render appropriate assistance to persons with disabilities in the performance of their child-rearing responsibilities.

3. States Parties shall ensure that children with disabilities have equal rights with respect to family life. With a view to realizing these rights, and to prevent concealment, abandonment, neglect and segregation of children with disabilities, States Parties shall undertake to provide early and comprehensive information, services and support to children with disabilities and their families.

4. States Parties shall ensure that a child shall not be separated from his or her parents against their will, except when competent authorities subject to judicial review determine, in accordance with applicable law and procedures, that such separation is necessary for the best interests of the child. In no case shall a child be separated from parents on the basis of a disability of either the child or one or both of the parents.

5. States Parties shall, where the immediate family is unable to care for a child with disabilities, undertake every effort to provide alternative care within the wider family, and failing that, within the community in a family setting.