I'm 48 year old woman and think I may have aspergers. Looking back I realise that I have learnt a lot of things that other people know how to do intuitively.
I learnt how to have friends. I have a mental checklist of things I should do with friends. Ask how they are, how their weekend was, how family is.
When I find myself in a new situation, i think what's would so and so say or do.
I mimic all the time. I feel that with friends I give what I get. Ie i have a friend says outrageous things to me so I say outrageous things back. I act differently with different friends. I don't like to mix my different friends I find it very stressful.
I have a son and I find it very difficult to, 'parent', I copy other parents. I know I love him very much. (He is mid teens and people always say he's a credit to me).
I don't enjoy social situations much. I don't enjoy pubs or clubs. When I was a lot younger I just got very drunk to get through. I force myself to do things
I don't have a partner and the relationships I have had have been difficult. I was engaged for several years and he was verbally abusive and financially controlling. I do not have a relationship with my son's father. I don't know what to do or how to act in a relationship.
Even with family and extended family I always feel I'm on the outside looking in. I always feel that I am an obligation.
I find it very difficult to express verbally how I feel and at times I retreat into myself and keep everything in.
I am obsessive about locking doors and unplugging things. I have part's of my scalp that I pick at, its a compulsion and has been since I was a teenager. I don't feel like I control the picking it's something I have to do.
I also have a chronic health condition. I work and have two jobs. I have learned to join in and I can appear to be calm when below the surface im panicking.
As I get older I find it harder and harder to read numbers, I transpose figures all the time (I work with numbers)
It's taken me 2 years to join a forum. I've completed an online test many times.
Do I go to a GP . I have not told anyone how I feel. A friend made reference to my brain nor working that way other people do.
I feel empathy for what you've written.
It sounds to me like you're on the spectrum.
I also have generally not enjoyed social situations.
I also find it hard to express how I feel verbally.
Agree with thinking what would someone else do in a situation, feeling like I'm acting, not having confidence in my own understanding of social situations.
I had a girlfriend with a 10 year old daughter last year, I found it very difficult being a stepfather. Especially in public when people would notice me more than if I was alone, I felt pressure to act like a father, when I am in a way immature and and feel inside like I'm still a teenager.
If you try to get a diagnosis sometimes it takes a while through the NHS route, it's easier going private if you have the money. I personally think you would get a diagnosis either way, as what you've written is very clear.