Published on 12, July, 2020
my daughter is in her early 30's and I am sure that she has ASD. As a child she seemed so normal and sociable but gradually as an adult she developed more and more traits of the autism that her brother has been diagnosed with. Recently she seems to have lost all the joy in her life -she goes to work during the week ms the rest of the time she lives in her room and does not interact with anyone. Over the years I have tried to help her and have persuades her to go to the GP but all they do is prescribe anti depressions and tell her to contact I talk. I fwel she needs more specialised help but don't know where to go or how to persuade her to seek that help. I feel at the end of my tether as she shows no signs of ever moving out or being independent and she seems to have become increasingly hostile towards me despite my efforts to help her.
Firstly, I agree with NAS62488 - please consider seeking support for yourself as it sounds like you're going through a really difficult time emotionally and, maybe, physically.
As to your daughter, you say that she seemed 'so normal' as a child. As someone with ASD myself I find that an odd thing to say. Do you feel that she's 'not normal' now, and by extension that your son is 'not normal'? Female autism and male autism can be (are) vastly different, so much so that research is now strongly indicating that there needs to be different forms of assessment. For example, whereas males may find socialising almost impossible, females may have developed skills to copy and learn 'socially acceptable' behaviour. You don't say how old your son is or whether he lives at home, but is it possible that she is of an age that she helped support him, or perhaps still does? If that is the case she might be just wanting to distance herself from stressful situations, or is too tired from working.
It seems that your daughter has agreed to visit GPs in the past and they feel that she is depressed and needs to talk about her feelings. Perhaps she is depressed - her behaviours certainly suggest that - and as it doesn't appear to be preventing her from going to work it sounds as if she is doing amazingly well. Anger can also be part of depression. You say she's increasingly hostile; you also say that you are at the end of your tether as 'she shows no signs of ever moving out or being independent'. Have you thought of family therapy? It may be a way to get her to talk to a specialist service without it appearing that it's 'all about her problems'. I only suggest this as a way to 'kick start' a better future for you all.
I truly hope you can find the support you need so that you can begin to rebuild your relationship with your family.
Hi Anna A,
I am sorry that you are going through a challenging time with your daughter. Please see the links attached for some information about getting an ASD diagnosis as an adult and some social groups that may help her.
Diagnosis: https://www.autism.org.uk/about/diagnosis/adults.aspx
Social groups: https://www.autism.org.uk/services/community/group/england.aspx
I hope this helps a little,
Chloe Mod
sorry to hear your daughter's having a tough time.
I'm aware that although I'm 53, I'm still 16 inside. As everyone else grows up, they become more complex with their lives entwined with secrets & lies and they just become so old and lacking in fun. It could be that your daughter is finding it hard to deal with this world of complexity and it's wearing her out during the week so all she wants to do is escape from it in her safe-haven on the weekends.
It sounds like a really difficult time for you and your daughter....what really flies out to me in your post is that your daughter has a pretty full on week at work and may want to relax and have a wind down time on her own at the weekend like most working people. I agree that it is worrying she is spending a lot of time on her own in her room... Do you know what a typical day looks like for your daughter? What are her work colleagues like? does she like/enjoy her work? she may well be depressed.. and her confidence & self esteem low. It's really hard but unless she wants/asks for support there is nothing really that you can do... she is an adult. sometimes family members are not always best placed to help, because of the relationship and closeness we have. There may be a range of issues bothering your daughter that she may not want to discuss with you (harsh as it sounds).. All you can do is to convey to her you are there for her, and leave leaflets of organisations offering support/friendship groups/ clubs near her, so when she decides to seek support it is because she is ready... Sadly with budget cuts to social care it's a tough old world out there now...
Please also consider getting some support for yourself, as you sound very worried. Please don't lose hope...