Published on 12, July, 2020
Example 1: At my last psych appointment the pdoc said I looked happy. I didn't think I was.
Example 2: Was recently seen at main hospital emergency department because of chest pains. Tests were ok, but BP was higher than normal . Had to go for follow up the next day . Doctor said it had been raised because I was anxious. Apparently my pulse rate was fast. I hadn't noticed I was anxious.
I don't think it happens all the time ie I sometimes know when I'm anxious etc .
Ive found that quite often I cry. Since I've self identified as being AS and read about it, I think this is when I'm confused or not sure what my actual emotion is. I just know it's bad so I cry.
Also I've been signed off work with anxiety. This from a cumulative effect over the past 6 years, in particular past 12 months. I think anyone else would've sought help before now, but I don't think I realised how bad I actually was. I still don't think I do.
Someone mentioned about delayed emotion and I can recognise this. I think at the time I can be quite impartial about something and it's only later when I'm reflecting the true reality hits me. I yhink this is why I had problrms with family bereavement last year and delayed grief.
I've had many a "cheer up it'll never happen" comment in my life. When I've felt perfectly content thank you very much!
I also can identify with the female AS notion of appeasement. I have gone along with a few things in my life because it's been "the right thing to do" when in actual fact I didn't want to do it but didn't even realise this in myself. It was only when I was in my very late 20s I thought, actually, I CAN say if I'm not happy with something (even then I feel sometimes I'm not taken seriously).
I think I do find it difficult to explain feelings sometimes. I did the alexithymia test and came out positive but I don't know how accurate it is and I also struggled to answer some if the questions. If you haven't been aware of something in your life hiw are you supposed to know about it?
Learning about AS has made me evaluate and recognise my feelings more though.
Also very often I will yhink something but it doesn't occur to me to actually say it.