Reframing the past and its fear/anxiety

I can relate completely to the feeling at the time of diagnosis and the reframing going on. The emotion though as directed at the events and people that caused all the things that affected me. The dx was the relief, the answer giving an explanation to what happened,and what I could do next.

I am not sure I understand your comment of your life falling apart. It would not fall apart because of diagnosis. You are still the same person and your  condition in inborn and life long. It is not your diagnosis that is the problem but the barriers and systems of NT society. 

In the social model of disability symptoms and impairments are not the problem, it is the lack of inclusion, acceptance and accommodation that is disabling autistic people. 

The definition of disability in the equality act is doing things differently. This means that autistic people are not intrinsically 'defective' and 'inferior' and 'disordered', but they function differently and this clashes with the neurotypical majority causing various very real problems.

For most autistic people falling apart is a constant before the dx. After one start getting some understanding to put oneself and life together again. I think the diagnosis could and should be  is a new start, an opportunity, is the key, the beginning of pushing back and re establishing yourself.

Dwelling on medical and pathologizing model of autism can be depressive and confidence destroying. F#%k that.

Start reading about Neurodiversity

'Don’t mourn for us' https://www.autreat.com/dont_mourn.html

Double empathy  https://kar.kent.ac.uk/62639/1/Double%20empathy%20problem.pdf

Brand new research confirming that ASC/ASC better communicate and collaborate with each other that AS/NT http://dart.ed.ac.uk/research/nd-iq/

Autism from the inside https://aeon.co/essays/the-autistic-view-of-the-world-is-not-the-neurotypical-cliche

Monotropism from the inside https://thepsychologist.bps.org.uk/me-and-monotropism-unified-theory-autism

Review of important topics https://www.spectrumnews.org/features/deep-dive/search-truce-autism-wars/?utm_source=Copy+of+Spectrum+News+%28Daily+Report%29&utm_campaign=ab58a23ba1-EMAIL_CAMPAIGN_2019_04_23_09_07&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_5d6f652fd5-ab58a23ba1-168411017

Nothing about us without us - autistic advocacy position statements https://autisticadvocacy.org/about-asan/position-statements/

#ActuallyAutistic ://twitter.com/hashtag/actuallyautistic?lang=en

The art https://the-art-of-autism.com/what-is-autism/

Neurodiversity https://the-art-of-autism.com/neurodiverse-a-person-a-perspective-a-movement/

Neurodiversity  https://autisticuk.org/neurodiversity/

Hi Tinyexplorer, and thank you for replying to me. And all those links - I will check them out for sure; thank you very much for including them. I agree with you that dwelling on the medical and pathologizing model of autism is a downer ... that's one of my worries, of becoming a 'label' when I get my diagnosis. And of being under the mental health team ... already there's the 'not normal' coming in. I believe that we are normal, just different. When I said yesterday that my life was falling apart I was being melodramatic and I did calm down (replies on this forum really helped there ... I didn't think anyone would reply, actually). I interpret that falling apart as a) drama (!) but also that my life previously has sort of shifted sideways and the old anchors, indeed, the old me is feeling quite wobbly about the way I was, and in particular the way other people reacted to me. I think I was just one massive pleaser, copier and compromiser because I didn't know how to be with people. No more! One of the things that's come up is absolute horror at the sheer cruelty of others. I can't get my head round it at all, never could, but whereas in the past I would make excuses or brood or feel very hurt, now I am just appalled! To try and improve my social life har har, I joined the W.I. (yes, this is a funny story.) I said to myself I'd stick it for a year. It was a terrible experience from start to finish. Talk about fish out of water. I used to sweat with fear about going there for the 2 hours a month!  What struck me, apart from seeing how very different I am in that context, was the bitchiness of the committee in particular ... school playground all over again. I wouldn't side with them over their bitching to me about another woman I didn't know, so they started on me. Really, human unkindness and cruelty is quite shocking at the moment ... as if I'd never seen or experienced it before, which of course I have.  I did have a 'friend' but when I told her I knew I was autistic/Aspergers she just said thank you for telling me and cut me off completely! I wonder if other people on here have had similar thoughts and experiences? I do feel as if my skin has gotten thinner of late, and my emotional responses much deeper ... maybe that's because I am being more 'real' about myself now, and shoving off all those layers of crap about trying to be normal. Yes, I used to say that to myself in my teens 'I must be normal, how do they do it?' And of course, from that follows a life of apeing and copying and being totally non-authentic. The wobbles I had were probably due to that authentic self having to express itself. best wishes to you Tinyexplorer. aspeiwren

aspiewren said:

One of the things that's come up is absolute horror at the sheer cruelty of others. I can't get my head round it at all, never could

This

aspiewren said:

apart from seeing how very different I am in that context, was the bitchiness of the committee in particular ... school playground all over again

Lol at W.I. I think it is that clique that is all about social norm and pecking order and validating each-other that is potentially most challenging

and this

aspiewren said:

Really, human unkindness and cruelty is quite shocking at the moment ... as if I'd never seen or experienced it before, which of course I have.  I did have a 'friend' but when I told her I knew I was autistic/Aspergers she just said thank you for telling me and cut me off completely!

Yes, I've experienced all of this and sadly so did my girls. This is the experience of being autistic, isn'it

This is why for me the dx was the time to shake it off, it's not my fault or failing, it is their bad really. You can't internalise it

aspiewren said:

One of the things that's come up is absolute horror at the sheer cruelty of others. I can't get my head round it at all, never could

This

aspiewren said:

apart from seeing how very different I am in that context, was the bitchiness of the committee in particular ... school playground all over again

Lol at W.I. I think it is that clique that is all about social norm and pecking order and validating each-other that is potentially most challenging

and this

aspiewren said:

Really, human unkindness and cruelty is quite shocking at the moment ... as if I'd never seen or experienced it before, which of course I have.  I did have a 'friend' but when I told her I knew I was autistic/Aspergers she just said thank you for telling me and cut me off completely!

Yes, I've experienced all of this and sadly so did my girls. This is the experience of being autistic, isn'it

This is why for me the dx was the time to shake it off, it's not my fault or failing, it is their bad really. You can't internalise it