Reframing the past and its fear/anxiety

Hi Wren.   I know exactly how you're feeling.  

I'm a bloke and I was diagnosed at 42.  My diagnosis came very quickly - from suggestion to confirmation was only a few weeks so I didn't have any time to worry about it as it all happened so fast.

After diagnosis, I spent a lot of time reprocessing all of my historic interactions with people - especially the negative interactions - and I realised just how child-like and naive I had been. 

With the benefit of 20-20 hindsight, I could see just how many times my social deficiencies had been skillfully used against me.  

I had been acting like a puppy - faithfully doing my duty and being smacked in the face - but still coming back as it was the right thing to do.

After all the processing and re-evaluating what was really going on, I've ended up with a list of people that I can't trust - so I avoid them at all costs.   I've ended up with a long list of annoyances and unanswered questions that I cannot get answers to - some because the opportunity will never arise or others that I know I won't be given the truth.

I'm working hard to swallow all the anger at the people who used and abused me - but time makes it easier to forget - and new experiences in life with people who value me and are more under my control.

I am careful with interacting with people who I judge might not have my best interests at heart -  I can pre-plan most interactions but I risk being caught out by a sudden change to plans.  I try to always have someone with me doing the 'social interaction policing' to ensure I don't get railroaded into unwise decisions.

Good luck with your diagnosis - and don't blame yourself for stuff you had no control over.

Hi Wren.   I know exactly how you're feeling.  

I'm a bloke and I was diagnosed at 42.  My diagnosis came very quickly - from suggestion to confirmation was only a few weeks so I didn't have any time to worry about it as it all happened so fast.

After diagnosis, I spent a lot of time reprocessing all of my historic interactions with people - especially the negative interactions - and I realised just how child-like and naive I had been. 

With the benefit of 20-20 hindsight, I could see just how many times my social deficiencies had been skillfully used against me.  

I had been acting like a puppy - faithfully doing my duty and being smacked in the face - but still coming back as it was the right thing to do.

After all the processing and re-evaluating what was really going on, I've ended up with a list of people that I can't trust - so I avoid them at all costs.   I've ended up with a long list of annoyances and unanswered questions that I cannot get answers to - some because the opportunity will never arise or others that I know I won't be given the truth.

I'm working hard to swallow all the anger at the people who used and abused me - but time makes it easier to forget - and new experiences in life with people who value me and are more under my control.

I am careful with interacting with people who I judge might not have my best interests at heart -  I can pre-plan most interactions but I risk being caught out by a sudden change to plans.  I try to always have someone with me doing the 'social interaction policing' to ensure I don't get railroaded into unwise decisions.

Good luck with your diagnosis - and don't blame yourself for stuff you had no control over.

Thanks, Plastic, 'fatithfully doing my duty and being smacked in the face.' Yeah. That one! And the anger, too. I suppose this is just a stage and will pass but atm I get memories coming up and a strong sense  of injustice and why the heck do people think it's fun to abuse or hurt?  I have a couple of friends only, and not much in common with them at all. But plenty of the 'untrustworthies'. A big list of them. Funny, I used to want desperately to be included on their lists, now I'm shoving them off mine! best wishes, aspeiwren