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Discovery 4 - The social world. I would go out tonight....

Lotus

.....But I don't like crowds or neon li -ights

Pris: We need you Sebastian. You're our best and only friend.
Roy: (strange accent) We're so happy you found us.
Pris: I don't think there's another human being in the whole world who would have helped us.

In my earlier "Discovery" posts I explored: 1 .Realisation  2. Communication  3. Empathy. So I've now covered the  feelings & thoughts on initial 'discovery ' plus two of  the "triad of impairments" - social communication and social imagination. Thanks to everyone who replied to those posts for your input. This post covers the third criteria - social interaction.

Most of us crave some company, at least some of the time. Some of us have a "best and only friend" which satisfies our need for a connection with another human (or animal) while others are extremely lonely and never feel like they fit in anywhere.

Most of us don't enjoy social events, with the sensory overloads and multiple conversations. Why do NT people like socialising so.much?

Ian Ford's book "A Field guide to Earthlings" explains NT development , and I have summarised my understanding of it as follows:

- NT humans are born sensitive. Loud noises and bright lights can upset babies. As they grow their brains develop and language is acquired, and the brain starts to create a "symbolic web"  which can filter inputs (objects seen, noises heard, emotions of others sensed etc) into language symbols - words. This reduces the effect the inputs have on the brain and de-sensitises the individual. Autistic people do not develop this symbolic filtering and so stay sensitive to inputs.  So  NTs are stimulated by loud noisy environments, strong smells, bright lights, etc, as it "turns up the volume of life" so that they can enjoy these sensory inputs. Their de-sensitisation also allows them to balance their attention, to prevent any individual input from becoming overwhelming.

- Friendship for NTs is based on being in the same social group, with a shared group identity and shared values. This is about more than sharing interests. They  join a social group and then adapt their identities and views to fit that group. Social groups  include football supporters, band fan clubs, religious groups, membership of political parties,  colleagues who socialise, college friends,, etc.

I don't know for certain if that is really how most people develop their social lives and friendships, but the book goes on to explain how groups learn "in lock step". This means that when a new idea or view is introduced, all the group have to learn and assimilate the new information together, in lock step, which slows down learning and the taking on of new ideas. This may explain why in the past I have suggested an idea in a work meeting and been ignored - either because I was subconsciously seen as a group outsider by colleagues, or because I wasn't seen as an influential figure. In my current job I often try to get colleagues to change to  new, more efficient ways of doing things, but they constantly revert to their old established habits and forget the new procedure I have tried to introduce. I do try to be patient, and at least the business owners take my ideas on board and try to encourage others to follow suit. It's not always the Aspies that find it difficult to adapt!

I  don't really know why it's so difficult for most of us to develop strong, long lasting friendships with NTs. In the past I have found I had to work much harder at maintaining relationships, always being the one to call for a chat, suggest meeting, etc. Now I can't be bothered. I have a few colleagues I feel I get on well with but I wouldn't really class them as friends as I don't socialise with them outside work, but I'm happy with  that.. I  don't want to go out,  I want to stay in, get things done...

Parents

  • The problem with the NT development is that it is not really well understood, especially when you start asking questions about autistic development, because both should have the same biological and theoretical underpinning to be valid theories. There are several dozens of theories, they are all flawed and fail to explain significant facts than don't fit. 

    That with scientific theories, let alone fiction books...

    I think autistic people need to stop internalising the absolutist language of deficits. The jury is out and evidence not even fully disclosed. Everything in autism is questioned and evolves.

    Especially the idea that autistic people don't have capacity for abstract thought - don't understand symbols. This is basically inaccurate and potentially dehumanising as abstract thought is believed to separate us from animals, so this ableist stigmatisation needs to be called out.

    Lotus said:
    Autistic people do not develop this symbolic filtering and so stay sensitive to inputs.

    [I know it's the book, not Pixiefox saying this]

    Of course we do develop symbols, we use language, so we have symbols for sensory. This rambles on and on because nobody cares to call it a nonsense.

    Lotus said:
    This means that when a new idea or view is introduced, all the group have to learn and assimilate the new information together, in lock step, which slows down learning and the taking on of new ideas. This may explain why in the past I have suggested an idea in a work meeting and been ignored - either because I was subconsciously seen as a group outsider by colleagues, or because I wasn't seen as an influential figure

    You are definitely onto something here, Pixiefox.

    I can't recall where I read recently that small talk amongst NT has important function - it is a process of establishing the group hierarchy and the standing in the pecking order. If anyone knows where it was written, please provide a link.

    So I think this group pecking order might be key to autism and bullying and exclusion. Autistic people are not rated in this hierarchy and also don't accept the supposed pecking order, and this might be what triggers bullying, mobbing and exclusion.

    So indeed, I think the idea becomes widely accepted when it is presented by an insider and /or an individual with an influential position in the group. The role of an innovator is to convince the influencer and potentially to become influencer themselves.

  • in reply to Tinyexplorer

    Hi Tiny Explorer, I completely agree with your view on "the absolutist language of deficits". I've actually just posted a new thread where I relate to this.

    The symbolic filtering issue I mentioned is an abbreviated summary of what I read in the book and I may have described it inadequately or incorrectly. I actually had some trouble understanding this concept, but I believe it relates to how NT brains use symbols to filter sensory inputs so they don't get overloaded. My own interpretation is that it might work like this: a bus stops near where I'm standing. I have the symbol for that object in my memory - the word "bus". But I still hear the engine noise, see the people on it, smell the exhaust fumes, etc. If an NT person is standing there and sees the bus, their brain projects the word "bus" outward, which causes the brain to filter the sensory inputs from the bus, allowing them to ignore those inputs while chatting to a friend, noticing a cute puppy being walked along the path, telling their child to keep hold of their hand, etc, all executed effortlessly without stress. I may have completely misunderstood  the process as I have no real understanding of NT brains, but it sounds plausible as I get exhausted by life outside of my home, whereas most people don't,  so this sort of makes sense to me.

Reply
  • in reply to Tinyexplorer

    Hi Tiny Explorer, I completely agree with your view on "the absolutist language of deficits". I've actually just posted a new thread where I relate to this.

    The symbolic filtering issue I mentioned is an abbreviated summary of what I read in the book and I may have described it inadequately or incorrectly. I actually had some trouble understanding this concept, but I believe it relates to how NT brains use symbols to filter sensory inputs so they don't get overloaded. My own interpretation is that it might work like this: a bus stops near where I'm standing. I have the symbol for that object in my memory - the word "bus". But I still hear the engine noise, see the people on it, smell the exhaust fumes, etc. If an NT person is standing there and sees the bus, their brain projects the word "bus" outward, which causes the brain to filter the sensory inputs from the bus, allowing them to ignore those inputs while chatting to a friend, noticing a cute puppy being walked along the path, telling their child to keep hold of their hand, etc, all executed effortlessly without stress. I may have completely misunderstood  the process as I have no real understanding of NT brains, but it sounds plausible as I get exhausted by life outside of my home, whereas most people don't,  so this sort of makes sense to me.

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