.....But I don't like crowds or neon li -ights
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In my earlier "Discovery" posts I explored: 1 .Realisation 2. Communication 3. Empathy. So I've now covered the feelings & thoughts on initial 'discovery ' plus two of the "triad of impairments" - social communication and social imagination. Thanks to everyone who replied to those posts for your input. This post covers the third criteria - social interaction.
Most of us crave some company, at least some of the time. Some of us have a "best and only friend" which satisfies our need for a connection with another human (or animal) while others are extremely lonely and never feel like they fit in anywhere.
Most of us don't enjoy social events, with the sensory overloads and multiple conversations. Why do NT people like socialising so.much?
Ian Ford's book "A Field guide to Earthlings" explains NT development , and I have summarised my understanding of it as follows:
- NT humans are born sensitive. Loud noises and bright lights can upset babies. As they grow their brains develop and language is acquired, and the brain starts to create a "symbolic web" which can filter inputs (objects seen, noises heard, emotions of others sensed etc) into language symbols - words. This reduces the effect the inputs have on the brain and de-sensitises the individual. Autistic people do not develop this symbolic filtering and so stay sensitive to inputs. So NTs are stimulated by loud noisy environments, strong smells, bright lights, etc, as it "turns up the volume of life" so that they can enjoy these sensory inputs. Their de-sensitisation also allows them to balance their attention, to prevent any individual input from becoming overwhelming.
- Friendship for NTs is based on being in the same social group, with a shared group identity and shared values. This is about more than sharing interests. They join a social group and then adapt their identities and views to fit that group. Social groups include football supporters, band fan clubs, religious groups, membership of political parties, colleagues who socialise, college friends,, etc.
I don't know for certain if that is really how most people develop their social lives and friendships, but the book goes on to explain how groups learn "in lock step". This means that when a new idea or view is introduced, all the group have to learn and assimilate the new information together, in lock step, which slows down learning and the taking on of new ideas. This may explain why in the past I have suggested an idea in a work meeting and been ignored - either because I was subconsciously seen as a group outsider by colleagues, or because I wasn't seen as an influential figure. In my current job I often try to get colleagues to change to new, more efficient ways of doing things, but they constantly revert to their old established habits and forget the new procedure I have tried to introduce. I do try to be patient, and at least the business owners take my ideas on board and try to encourage others to follow suit. It's not always the Aspies that find it difficult to adapt!
I don't really know why it's so difficult for most of us to develop strong, long lasting friendships with NTs. In the past I have found I had to work much harder at maintaining relationships, always being the one to call for a chat, suggest meeting, etc. Now I can't be bothered. I have a few colleagues I feel I get on well with but I wouldn't really class them as friends as I don't socialise with them outside work, but I'm happy with that.. I don't want to go out, I want to stay in, get things done...
