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Has anyone reversed social exclusion?

tintal

Hi everyone,

I'm excluded from my team at work. I don't sit with them (not my choice), go to coffee or lunch with them, or go to the pub with them. I don't have anyone to say 'hello' to in the morning, or 'goodbye' to in the evening. It's as if I don't exist. I'm sure the loneliness is having an adverse effect on my health, and my career. 

There were a few social invitations at the beginning, which I passed up with excuses -  I didn't know I had Asperger's then, and was not in a good mental state. Now I have utterly no idea what my team-mates think of me. I do not want to use the term 'bullying' as I suspect that what I'm experiencing is partly my fault and partly theirs. Then again, historically I'm not good at recognising when I'm being mis-treated.

I know that exclusion at work is a common problem on here as I've seen many threads on it. But what I'd like to know is - has anyone successfully turned this around? I think my work mates would like me if they gave me a chance, but as far as they're concerned, I'm an outsider here - and I feel stuck with this persona, and quite ashamed of myself. 

Cheers,


Tintal :) 

Parents

  • I've not exactly reversed it.  After all, I'm still me and I don't like lunchtime trips to the pub or work nights out.  However, long before I was diagnosed with autism, I got fed up of feeling marginalised and excluded at work so decided to work, very slowly, on my part of it.  If I'd been aware of my diagnosis I would certainly have mentioned the difficulties to my line manager or to HR but my lack of awareness meant that option didn't exist.  So what i did, at my own pace, was just slightly tip the balance in favour of action.  

    Examples:

    I somehow felt awkward about using shared areas like the small kitchen and lounge area so I deliberately started using these a couple of times a week, for only 5 minutes at first.  Gradually, if people saw me there they became "nodding acquaintences" and that familiarity seemed to increase over time.  I felt very nervous about it but it was less uncomfortable that remaining at my desk all the time.

    i noticed that the canteen did certain meals on particular days of the week so I mentioned i liked that food and, when the most amenable person got up to go to lunch asked if she minded if I joined her.  The following week she asked me if I wanted to come so I kept doing it, once again even though i felt very nervous about it, especially at first.       

    I started to occasionally bring in old magazines for the restroom area and these also led to increased interactions.

    Generally I mentally patted myself on the back for the smallest interaction and, on the days i was feeling less anxious, tried to keep a bias towards saying "yes" to things. 

    There were definitely things I would never accept as they were far too overwhelming for me, but these few small things seemed to bring me into the fold, even though i'm fairly sure they still thought I was rather strange.  One of them even called me "weird" but then this was after the ice had broken and he said it in an affectionate way.     

  • in reply to Jenny Butterfly

    I think this is a wonderful success story! I'll give it a try too. 

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