• Replies 20 replies
  • Subscribers 82 subscribers
  • Views 5578 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Has anyone reversed social exclusion?

tintal

Hi everyone,

I'm excluded from my team at work. I don't sit with them (not my choice), go to coffee or lunch with them, or go to the pub with them. I don't have anyone to say 'hello' to in the morning, or 'goodbye' to in the evening. It's as if I don't exist. I'm sure the loneliness is having an adverse effect on my health, and my career. 

There were a few social invitations at the beginning, which I passed up with excuses -  I didn't know I had Asperger's then, and was not in a good mental state. Now I have utterly no idea what my team-mates think of me. I do not want to use the term 'bullying' as I suspect that what I'm experiencing is partly my fault and partly theirs. Then again, historically I'm not good at recognising when I'm being mis-treated.

I know that exclusion at work is a common problem on here as I've seen many threads on it. But what I'd like to know is - has anyone successfully turned this around? I think my work mates would like me if they gave me a chance, but as far as they're concerned, I'm an outsider here - and I feel stuck with this persona, and quite ashamed of myself. 

Cheers,


Tintal :) 

Parents

  • There's always the 'Dexter' approach (no, not murdering them and dumping the bodies in the sea...!), bring doughnuts in (or if you like cooking, home-made cakes etc.) - everyone like 'the doughnut guy'...

    I used to do this for another team as a way to reward them for good work but also 'just because' sometimes (you could make up an excuse like "I just got an 'A' on my paper and wanted to celebrate".

    Home-made is easier as it comes across less as 'buying your way in' e.g. "I had some bananas that were going a bit soft so... banana loaf" or "I saw this recipe I really wanted to try... let me know what you think"

    Suddenly you're 'in'...

  • in reply to Original Prankster

    Yeah - I was going to suggest that - a few bags of doughnuts always goes down well (65p for 5 in Sansbury's) - make sure there's a good few left over because you can guarantee you will have important visitors on that day - and it's always better to bin a few than to be embarrassed by not having enough....

    Dog's birthday etc. - any old excuse to 'celebrate' with the team...

    Works with a tin of Quality St too.

  • in reply to Plastic

    For 'extra credit' make sure there's something that anyone with 'special dietary requirements' can eat e.g. nut allergy, vegans, gluten intolerance etc. they are almost always overlooked so will be almost pathetically grateful that you took the time to make sure they weren't left out...

Reply Children