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Has anyone reversed social exclusion?

tintal

Hi everyone,

I'm excluded from my team at work. I don't sit with them (not my choice), go to coffee or lunch with them, or go to the pub with them. I don't have anyone to say 'hello' to in the morning, or 'goodbye' to in the evening. It's as if I don't exist. I'm sure the loneliness is having an adverse effect on my health, and my career. 

There were a few social invitations at the beginning, which I passed up with excuses -  I didn't know I had Asperger's then, and was not in a good mental state. Now I have utterly no idea what my team-mates think of me. I do not want to use the term 'bullying' as I suspect that what I'm experiencing is partly my fault and partly theirs. Then again, historically I'm not good at recognising when I'm being mis-treated.

I know that exclusion at work is a common problem on here as I've seen many threads on it. But what I'd like to know is - has anyone successfully turned this around? I think my work mates would like me if they gave me a chance, but as far as they're concerned, I'm an outsider here - and I feel stuck with this persona, and quite ashamed of myself. 

Cheers,


Tintal :) 

Parents

  • How sensible is your manager/supervisor?   Are you able to explain your issue with them?   They should take the opportunity for some team-building tasks to integrate you more.

  • in reply to Plastic

    He is not here often, due to meetings abroad. He is pleasant enough but he does not spend any time integrating with his team. I'm not sure he is very social himself.

    He knows I have aspergers but I cannot bring myself to discuss my feelings with them. I'm not even sure it's the right thing to do. 

  • in reply to tintal

    Then does the company have a HR dept?   It's their responsibility to support you in the working environment.

    Pre-arm yourself by writing down all your difficulties (anxiety etc.)  and what you are looking for - in case your mind goes blank when they ask you.

    They should find a way to get you to integrate - maybe by getting you to do a small side-project with some of the 'easier' team members.

  • in reply to tintal

    I'm in a similar position as you, and have the same experiences you described! I'm not sure what suggestions to give, as I'm struggling with the exact same thing, but I'd thought I'd comment to know that you are not alone.

  • in reply to Plastic

    Sorry I haven't been clear - I'm a paid PhD student. Even though I'm on the payroll, I'm not technically an employee, so HR do not support me. It's a bit like school for grown-ups. I'm only here for another 18 months.

    It's common for PhD students to move seamlessly into a post-doc if things go well. I'm not sure that is an option for me, if things continue the way they are as I have built up a reputation for being a loner.

    There is a post-graduate dean and student societies in the building, but they are notional roles and I don't think the people actually care /have time / are equipped to look out for people like me. So my best bet seems to be to try and turn this around for myself.

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  • in reply to Plastic

    Sorry I haven't been clear - I'm a paid PhD student. Even though I'm on the payroll, I'm not technically an employee, so HR do not support me. It's a bit like school for grown-ups. I'm only here for another 18 months.

    It's common for PhD students to move seamlessly into a post-doc if things go well. I'm not sure that is an option for me, if things continue the way they are as I have built up a reputation for being a loner.

    There is a post-graduate dean and student societies in the building, but they are notional roles and I don't think the people actually care /have time / are equipped to look out for people like me. So my best bet seems to be to try and turn this around for myself.

Children