Published on 12, July, 2020
hi, I am new to this forum but just wondered if anyone else is in the same position as me. I am a 28 years old female. I am undiagnosed officially but had a non official assessment at my university and was told it is highly likely I have aspergers. I struggle to make and maintain friendships, more recently I have just given up completely trying to socialise or fit in. I am happily married but apart from my husband I don’t really see or speak to anyone else outside of work. I always seem to say the wrong thing and the fear of doing so has led me to stop trying to talk to people at all. I do work and just about manage with day to day small talk but I don’t make an effort to chat with people about anything unrelated to work. Recently I have been feeling very lonely and wish I had some friends to share things with, spend time with. I feel like I have no one I could turn to in a crisis except my family who all live far away. I see other people in coffee shops with their friends chatting and laughing and I just wish I could be like that. I have no idea where or how to meet friends any more. I used to be better when I was younger and especially at university where most social situations involved alcohol although I still made a lot of mistakes and faux pas which meant I never really had a lot of friends. I have had a lot of bad experiences with friends who have ended up cutting me out of their lives for one reason or another. I don’t think I am a nasty or bad person I just don’t know how to behave in social situations. The more I avoid it the worse I seem to get. Any advice or anyone in a similar position would be appreciated
Hi there, I never used to feel lonely and I don't think I have the full-blown condition yet but it's heading that way. I am recently diagnosed-with autism and ADD and have obviously been visiting these threads to find out more about the condition and learn from other others how their lives have been affected.All well and good but now that I know there are plenty of people out there who are very similar to me I am starting to feel as if I should "get out more" because I am not the complete idiot I have believed myself as all of my life.
I don't know how to go about it either-I never did, if someone is Gay and decides to Come Out they usually-I imagine-gather a few close friends in the pub and tell them-it is an accepted and familiar course of action but what about those of us with autism who are quite likely not to have anyone to "Come Out" to as Autistic-and any way, what could we say if we had the outlet? It's not as if society will welcome us with open arms and we overnight become a well-integrated ,newly-validated member of NT Society. No, people who are different from the "norm" traditionally get a rough ride through life from society at large-it is probably a strategy to rid the small clans of those who seem unable to function in a way which promotes everybody's well-being and survival chances, I speak from experience, every single thing I have ever found myself a part of has rejected me, I can live with that-I'm not trying to be noble or heroic, it was a pattern which developed very esarly on in my life and I am quite reconciled to it now. I have lost lots of friends, have not been able to make friends with people I like because I scare them off with my weird perspectives/"humour" I am not remotely malicious but I make people uneasy because I can never think of anything to say which could pass for normal conversation, they play safe and keep me at a distance-I bear them no malice, I only get upset when the jibes start as I have a self-defence mechanism akin to a paper raincoat..
Anyway-I did not intend to go on such a protracted rant , I can't think of any surefire thing to help you get out there and meet people, all I can suggest is that you get in touch with some of the varied groups which operate through this site and see if there is anything you'd like to get involved with. No magical solution but at least you will be able to get out and meet people with whom you can chat freely.
Very best of luck!