loneliness

hi, I am new to this forum but just wondered if anyone else is in the same position as me. I am a 28 years old female. I am undiagnosed officially but had a non official assessment at my university and was told it is highly likely I have aspergers. I struggle to make and maintain friendships, more recently I have just given up completely trying to socialise or fit in. I am happily married but apart from my husband I don’t really see or speak to anyone else outside of work. I always seem to say the wrong thing and the fear of doing so has led me to stop trying to talk to people at all. I do work and just about manage with day to day small talk but I don’t make an effort to chat with people about anything unrelated to work. Recently I have been feeling very lonely and wish I had some friends to share things with, spend time with. I feel like I have no one I could turn to in a crisis except my family who all live far away. I see other people in coffee shops with their friends chatting and laughing and I just wish I could be like that. I have no idea where or how to meet friends any more. I used to be better when I was younger and especially at university where most social situations involved alcohol although I still made a lot of mistakes and faux pas which meant I never really had a lot of friends. I have had a lot of bad experiences with friends who have ended up cutting me out of their lives for one reason or another. I don’t think I am a nasty or bad person I just don’t know how to behave in social situations. The more I avoid it the worse I seem to get. Any advice or anyone in a similar position would be appreciated 

Parents
  • Yes I can relate. I'm 52, recently self-diagnosed and running through the final stages of NHS diagnosis. I've withdrawn almost totally from friendship and professional networks recently, I've had enough of never being "invited back" and actually can't be bothered with socialising. I have a couple of people that I will bother to go for coffee with, and people I will chat to at running club.

    I'm forming the opinion that whilst I thought I understood the basics of friendship (go for coffees, chat, disclose personal things to each other, be there to listen for each other, have a laugh) that there must be another layer of "stuff" that I'm not aware of.

    I can't bear conflict, and persisting disagreements would cause me to unfriend people on social media. I've now deleted *all* of my social media accounts except an instagram that I use for a particular hobby. Even that I visit very infrequently.

    I also realised that on social media I was rarely interested in what anyone else was doing or had to say & just wanted to tell everyone what I was doing.

    So yes, I do often feel lonely.

Reply
  • Yes I can relate. I'm 52, recently self-diagnosed and running through the final stages of NHS diagnosis. I've withdrawn almost totally from friendship and professional networks recently, I've had enough of never being "invited back" and actually can't be bothered with socialising. I have a couple of people that I will bother to go for coffee with, and people I will chat to at running club.

    I'm forming the opinion that whilst I thought I understood the basics of friendship (go for coffees, chat, disclose personal things to each other, be there to listen for each other, have a laugh) that there must be another layer of "stuff" that I'm not aware of.

    I can't bear conflict, and persisting disagreements would cause me to unfriend people on social media. I've now deleted *all* of my social media accounts except an instagram that I use for a particular hobby. Even that I visit very infrequently.

    I also realised that on social media I was rarely interested in what anyone else was doing or had to say & just wanted to tell everyone what I was doing.

    So yes, I do often feel lonely.

Children
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