Published on 12, July, 2020
hi, I am new to this forum but just wondered if anyone else is in the same position as me. I am a 28 years old female. I am undiagnosed officially but had a non official assessment at my university and was told it is highly likely I have aspergers. I struggle to make and maintain friendships, more recently I have just given up completely trying to socialise or fit in. I am happily married but apart from my husband I don’t really see or speak to anyone else outside of work. I always seem to say the wrong thing and the fear of doing so has led me to stop trying to talk to people at all. I do work and just about manage with day to day small talk but I don’t make an effort to chat with people about anything unrelated to work. Recently I have been feeling very lonely and wish I had some friends to share things with, spend time with. I feel like I have no one I could turn to in a crisis except my family who all live far away. I see other people in coffee shops with their friends chatting and laughing and I just wish I could be like that. I have no idea where or how to meet friends any more. I used to be better when I was younger and especially at university where most social situations involved alcohol although I still made a lot of mistakes and faux pas which meant I never really had a lot of friends. I have had a lot of bad experiences with friends who have ended up cutting me out of their lives for one reason or another. I don’t think I am a nasty or bad person I just don’t know how to behave in social situations. The more I avoid it the worse I seem to get. Any advice or anyone in a similar position would be appreciated
Hi, I'm female too but a lot older. I didn't find out I was on the spectrum until my early 50s. I used to want to go out with & chat to friends when I was your age, but looking back on it now I wonder if some of the socialising I did was just mimicking behaviour, as it wasn't always that enjoyable actually. I too spend practically all of my non work time with my husband now, but he's my best friend and I can talk to him about anything.
Have a think about what it is you really want from friendship and try to be true to yourself. Activities reduce the amount of time one has to spend on "small talk", which is likely to bore you after a very short time anyway as you won't get the point of it, so perhaps you could join a club which does an activity you enjoy? Having a shared topic of conversation will avoid having to make too much "small talk" and you won't look "weird" by talking obsessively about a special interest.
Good luck with finding friends.