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I'll probably never understand people

Roswell

I asked for advice regarding a romantic situation on here and the advice given here conflicted with what was given somewhere else. Another person I know offline said something totally different too.

This is why I don't think I'll ever understand people. I believe this is something Professor Gregory Bates calls a double bind. A situation in which seemingly one cannot tell wrong from right or which direction to take because of conflicting ideas or influences that cancel each other out.

Parents

  • Romantic situations are all about 'feelings'.  They can't be measured so there is no right or wrong answer, just answers that are more appropriate to the situation - which also changes dynamically.  It's difficult.

  • in reply to Plastic

    I became an alcoholic to cope with repeated romantic rejections. I don't think I'll ever recover. Ah well, maybe I'll get the last laugh. Perhaps it's better to die of alcohol poisoning at 40 than be in a nursing home at 80.

  • in reply to Roswell

    Repeated romantic rejections, repeated friendship rejections, repeated inability to understand what the hell was wrong with me (nothing, as I discovered at diagnosis... it's everyone else!)... they all led me to self-medicate.  I wouldn't say I'm an alcoholic, but I'm certainly a problem drinker, and I know where it can lead. 

    I think, post-diagnosis, I've gained a lot more acceptance of myself and am more comfortable with who I am.  I'm 60 soon.  After my last relationship ended 3 years ago, I made the decision not to look any more.  I can live without it.  Life is much easier.  Which isn't to say that I don't think it would be nice to have a special someone in my life.

    It helps me, in a way, to look around at the sheep and think 'Thank goodness I'm not like that.'  I don't understand them, and they don't understand me.  That's fine. I can live with that now, just about.

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  • in reply to Roswell

    Repeated romantic rejections, repeated friendship rejections, repeated inability to understand what the hell was wrong with me (nothing, as I discovered at diagnosis... it's everyone else!)... they all led me to self-medicate.  I wouldn't say I'm an alcoholic, but I'm certainly a problem drinker, and I know where it can lead. 

    I think, post-diagnosis, I've gained a lot more acceptance of myself and am more comfortable with who I am.  I'm 60 soon.  After my last relationship ended 3 years ago, I made the decision not to look any more.  I can live without it.  Life is much easier.  Which isn't to say that I don't think it would be nice to have a special someone in my life.

    It helps me, in a way, to look around at the sheep and think 'Thank goodness I'm not like that.'  I don't understand them, and they don't understand me.  That's fine. I can live with that now, just about.

Children
  • in reply to Martian Tom

    I've had a few friendship rejections too, they can hurt as well. Sorry your relationship ended. I've only had brief relationships that were stressful and claustrophobic. There wasn't any passion either. I did see some of the difficulties relationships can present, how you have to arrange everything around another person.