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Only finding eye contact intense with certain other people/situations, but not others?

Paroxysm

Hi, 

I am sort of new to all of this, as I've only recently been told that I'll be getting a diagnosis soon (although people have apparently thought I may have ASD all my life but have only just told me) 

But one thing I have noticed that I don't understand is that I find eye contact (or at least looking at someone's face) pretty okay with some people, such as my family or friends. Especially in casual conversations. 

I find it much harder with some other people (especially when I am speaking, I cannot think of what to say if I am looking at their face). Especially at school when I am trying to retain information.

And with some people (such as my new psychologist) even looking anywhere near his face is much too intense. I really like him, he just seems intense for seemingly no reason. One-to-one conversations are definitely hardest to try and look at people's faces. 

I tried to google about it but only articles about always finding eye contact intense came up :( it is silly but I invalidate myself a lot so I am just hoping that someone else has a similar experience.

I suppose looking at people's faces isn't the same as direct contact... though with some people I can actually lock eyes, but that is only like 3 or 4 people that I've ever met and I usually do it when I want to show that I love them (because eye contact is very emotional) and I can only retain it for maybe 1 or 2 seconds at a time. 

Has anyone had the same experience? 

Thank you. 

  • Yep absolutely. I can maintain shorts bursts of eye contact in casual conversation with my family, friends and my partner. If it's an emotionally intense or difficult conversation, then I often cannot even look them in the eye. (maybe why you can't with psychologist? you are feeling vulnerable?)

    Teachers, authority figures, bosses, strangers I all find it very hard to look at. If the situation requires it, I force myself to look at the bridge of their nose or their cheekbones, so they think I am making eye contact. I listen much much better when I can listen without looking, and the phrase "look at me when I'm talking to you" puts me pretty much on red alert, panic stations. I hate it

  • I find it easier with people I know well like family and friends. I have to make an effort to look at someone's face otherwise. Also, yes, I find it very hard to make eye contact and take in information; I think partly because when I'm having to make eye contact my brain is going 'make eye contact to show you're listening...is that enough? Ahh, too much...look away...now look back...' instead of focusing on what the person is saying.