Published on 12, July, 2020
I sometimes find other people's perceptions of a situation absolutely baffling. And a recent situation is really bugging me because I really don't see how the other people's point of view made sense yet I was on my own with my point of view so evidently once again its me with the issue.
I'm quite protective of my possessions. They are very important to me. I guess this is an ASC thing. Because of this, I HATE lending people things. However, I found myself in a situation where a friend wanted to read a book I'd just read and asked if they could borrow it. I said they could even though I didn't really want to because I didn't want to appear like I was being awkward. She read the book and then said another friend who I also know had wanted to read it so she would pass it on to her. I was a bit uneasy about this but nothing I could do.
I let time go by for a bit and heard nothing about the book so asked the second friend if they'd read it yet. She said the first friend never gave it to her. I asked the first friend the next time I saw her. There was a group of us. She was very offhand and didn't seem to know whether she still had it or not. As the conversation went on, she quite bluntly said "Well did you want it back?" I said "Of course I did because it was mine." She seemed baffled by this. Someone else said "Well you're never going to read it again." And then another person said "If I leant someone a book, I'd just expect them to keep it."
My mind at this point was just repeatedly going "It's mine! It's mine! It's mine!" I couldn't even slightly understand their point of view at all. They didn't see why I had an issue with the situation. Am I the only one baffled by this situation? And does anyone else find themselves in these situations where there point of view is different but the other people's point of views make absolutely no sense?
I completely understand this, Binary. I've been in the situation myself - and been made to feel like I was the one being unreasonable. I don't think it's an ASC thing at all.
First of all, the first friend asked if she could borrow it, not if she could have it. If you borrow something, it doesn't belong to you - so you should give it back when you're finished. That's part of the unofficial 'deal' that was made.
As for the other person - it's none of their business. How will they know that you won't want to read it again? I read favourite books many times. I've also let people borrow books - and almost never had them back. Even with people I've really trusted. So I now have a policy of saying a polite 'no, sorry' to any such requests. If people think that's being ungenerous or selfish, then it's too bad. Not my problem.
Personally, I don't borrow things off other people as a rule. But if someone did offer to lend me something, I'd make a point of principle to give it back when I'd finished with it.
The remaining lending libraries in the land would soon be empty if everyone followed the example of your friend and this other person.
(When I did karate a few years ago, there was a woman who came who was really interested in all things Japanese. I told her I'd done Origami since I was a kid. She said she'd love to have a go at origami... so I lent her my entire series of Origami books, which I'd then had for around 35 years. I never saw her or them again!)
Hearing about your Origami books made me feel sad and cross on your behalf!