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Struggling

Runnerbird

Hello everyone, 

I have been absent from the forums for some time. I tend to flit in and out like that. 

I was already struggling before I was officially diagnosed with Aspergers. I suffered several traumatic events up till the age of twenty at the hands of my mum and her various partners. I have talked and talked about it with therapists and doctors and a psychologist. 

I don't know whether it's to do with my traumatic experiences or if it is related to my Aspergers but I find being around other people very hard. It could be a mixture of both. I find that I'm uncomfortable and anxious and never know what to say. I get scared that I will offend or upset people, so I tend to stay quiet. 

I get so frustrated with myself because I would love to work. I started a volunteering job two years ago but had to take a break last June because I was diagnosed with Remitting Relapsing MS and I'm scared to go back. 

I have low-level support from a charity that specialises in Autism. I was referred to them last year from Secondary Care. I was offered a support worker but it turned out he was only available to talk me through what having Autism means and about the different ways people communicate and why we need to do so. 

I shared my feelings with the lady who works for the charity about maybe doing a part-time course and she said I should pick one thing to focus on and then try volunteering once my confidence is where it should be. I feel very frustrated because it is not the first time she has suggested taking things slowly but never offers a pathway forward. 

If I go any slower I'll come to a complete standstill. 

I just want to have friends and a job like everybody else. :( 

Thanks for reading, 

Katie

  • in reply to Runnerbird

    Yes, I can understand that living in certain areas make attending groups or social events more difficult. I think it's nice that you have made the strive to attend a voluntary placement, and it shows that you are being proactive in trying hard to improve your social skills, and it's worthy of applause. I can understand how sometimes trying to join in others can make it harder as time goes by and still feeling that you've not completely fitted in. Sometimes it might help to try afresh with some new people if things seem to be getting harder. I've heard many people say that online socialising can be easier for people with Aspergers as there are less complicated social cues and there's more time to think about responses, etc. I hope you'll find some friends and people who you can talk to and practice socialising on this online community.

  • in reply to qwerty

    There is little opportunity to talk to other people where I live as there is little in the way of groups or social events. I thought the more I attended my voluntary placement the easier it would get to join in with conversations but it only got harder. 

  • I can relate to what you are saying about being around people and not knowing what to say. I have sought help at university by talking to a mentor, and she really pushes me to talk and to stand up for myself when there are problems with other people. I have also started reading social skill books for Aspergers. I think I have been a lot more capable to talking after a lot of hard work. I think what you are doing now is great, by talking with therapists, doctors, psychologists, support workers, etc. You can also try talking to other people, and about positive stuff, and shared interests. 

  • in reply to Robyn c

    I went to college before I was diagnosed with Aspergers and didn't have any idea what to do either. I didn't and still don't have a great support system, so it's really hard to know what I need to be doing. 

  • I’m autistic and I’m soon to finish college in November of next year and I have no idea of where to go next so I need advice 

  • in reply to Former Member

    Even though I am interested in doing a course I'm not sure I'd be able to. I receive ESA and am currently in the support group after having the jobcentre pushing me to do courses that I thought were no use to me and it made me ill hence the decision. I would have to ring them and check but ai find the post moves all the time for what they allow. I have discussed the possibility of coming off the support group and moving back onto the work-related but he is worried it will knock me back again as am I. 

    I didn't find counselling useful either. I was undiagnosed at the time. The Psychologist I saw in 2016 was the one to bring up getting assessed for Autism and admitted he didn't specialise in Autism and there were few that do. I did try to find one after I was diagnosed through Secondary Care but they decided I didn't need to see one. 

    What support are you able to access? I have never thought about needing it really. 

  • Former Member
    Former Member

    I experience the same feelings in social situations too so would tend to think a lot of it is to do with being autistic. 

    If you're interested in doing a course your local college should be able to offer you an appointment with a careers advisor to talk through your option. You could also meet with their disability adviser to discuss the support you may be able to access.

    I've tried NHS services and charities in the past but didn't find them to be that useful, especially the counselling they were using methods devised for MT brains, rather than providing specialist support for autistics, 

    Have you applied for PIP? I receive this and have found the support I'm able to access privately has been more suited to my needs,