Early stages of dating

Hi

I've been dating someone for 5 months who I believe displays some aspergers characteristics and I'm not sure how best to manage the situation. 

He is highly intelligent when it comes to his job (fintech) but completely ignorant about other things I would deem common knowledge. He gets obsessed over certain things, e.g.. will repeat same recipe over and over. His flat is immaculate and contains virtually no personal items ie photos, books, if it doesn't have a function he can't see the point of it. He owns ear defenders to block out noise and gets very agitated if interrupted at work.  He is excruciatingly polite and doesnt do sarcasm/irony. On the flip side, he is very open about his feelings, honest, thoughtful, empathetic, generous and tactile. Without a doubt the kindest man i have ever dated. He acknowledges he's always been different but when I suggested he may have some autistic characteristics he was initially v upset and now makes jokes e.g. well that's probably because I'm autistic. 

My concern is I have a daughter (10) and he is very anxious around children with little to no experience or understanding of them. To date I have kept their world's separate but if we want to progress our relationship they will need to integrate and I'm apprehensive about that without understanding more. I don't know whether to broach the subject again or just take it slow and see how things play out. Any advice much appreciated. Thanks

Parents
  • I have kept their world's separate but if we want to progress our relationship they will need to integrate

    Who's gonna provide for the mother and child? It would be abominable to condemn a man for existing, if he chooses not to fulfill a single mother's needs.

  • Please don’t judge a woman just for being a single mother. I’ve been a single mother in the past, I worked too whilst also going through higher education so I could get a better job. I was a single mother when I met my now husband, it was me that paid for the house we live in, not him. We’re not all money grabbing gold diggers 

  • I would agree with you there, I was a single mum for 14 years and when I met my partner I supported him for the first 6 years until I got Ill now it's the other way around.

  • Mainstream, but looking to work with the Sen children and your right being mum means carrying on no matter what! 

  • Hazard of being a mother, you have to carry on regardless! I hope the various problems get better soon. The school work sounds good, is that in a mainstream school or SEN?

  • Yeah it causes me chronic pain and problems walking and moving but can't let that stop me the kids wouldn't allow that! I do 3 hours a week in the local primary school and am using my free time to retrain as a teaching assistant so that when some of the problems get better I can get back to work! 

  • Oh dear! That doesn't sound like too much fun! Does it cause you a lot of pain? It isn't nice to have anything enforced by illness, such as having to stay home and not work. But, I'm sure that your children are benefitting from having their mummy at home more :-)

  • Probably quicker to list what's not wrong! Three damaged vertebrae, alot of arthritis a spontaneously dislocating shoulder, fibromyalgia, ibs and severe anemia other than that I'm fine!! Just means I have more time at home with the kids x 

  • No worries Wink 

    I think unfortunately some people just want to pick an argument, I wouldn’t take it personally 

  • Thank you both, I appreciate your support. I have to admit I didn't come to this forum expecting to be vilified for being a single parent in this day and age!

  • Exactly! People shouldn’t judge the majority according to the actions of a minority. Everyone has individual circumstances, you don’t know what those circumstances are without asking, you can’t just assume. Sorry to hear you are I’ll. What’s wrong?

Reply
  • Exactly! People shouldn’t judge the majority according to the actions of a minority. Everyone has individual circumstances, you don’t know what those circumstances are without asking, you can’t just assume. Sorry to hear you are I’ll. What’s wrong?

Children
  • Mainstream, but looking to work with the Sen children and your right being mum means carrying on no matter what! 

  • Hazard of being a mother, you have to carry on regardless! I hope the various problems get better soon. The school work sounds good, is that in a mainstream school or SEN?

  • Yeah it causes me chronic pain and problems walking and moving but can't let that stop me the kids wouldn't allow that! I do 3 hours a week in the local primary school and am using my free time to retrain as a teaching assistant so that when some of the problems get better I can get back to work! 

  • Oh dear! That doesn't sound like too much fun! Does it cause you a lot of pain? It isn't nice to have anything enforced by illness, such as having to stay home and not work. But, I'm sure that your children are benefitting from having their mummy at home more :-)

  • Probably quicker to list what's not wrong! Three damaged vertebrae, alot of arthritis a spontaneously dislocating shoulder, fibromyalgia, ibs and severe anemia other than that I'm fine!! Just means I have more time at home with the kids x 

  • No worries Wink 

    I think unfortunately some people just want to pick an argument, I wouldn’t take it personally 

  • Thank you both, I appreciate your support. I have to admit I didn't come to this forum expecting to be vilified for being a single parent in this day and age!