Published on 12, July, 2020
I have no friends at all anymore, i spend 97% of my time without seeing another human face. Perhaps dignitas could help me. There has to be a point where i call it a day.
Since my daughter died my social skills have evapourated entirely. I am retreating further and further into myself.
The future is bleak. I have no other children. No one seems to understand me. I am becoming agrophobic. I am a shadow of the person i used to be.
I am quite scared of the act of killing myself but if it where a button i could press that just turned out the lights, i would press it.
My isolation is near 100% complete. My mother and father (separated) support me but they cannot give me what i feel i need. If people could get by with the social interactions of their parents alone i could probably manage. I enjoy there company but after an hour or two i just feel i want to retreat to my home, lock the door and close the curtains.
This battle with depression has raged all my life and now with the magnitude of set backs ive experienced over the last couple of years, i feel the peak of my life has passed.
I honestly feel that the end for me is coming. Any attempt on my own life will not be a cry for help. It will be a very deliberate attempt. This is more than just depression. I do not see the logic in suffering for another 20-30 years. What purpose would it serve. The only people that would miss me are my parents.
I just wish i had a way of ending the suffering without suffering. Hence the dignitas reference.
I do want to die
Hi, I just wondered how you are doing after last weekend? I see the NAS emailed you, did they offer any useful support? Hope all is as well as can be?
They referred me to the safeguarding team in conway in line with what id imagine are their legal obligations. It ended with that though. I have since had a major meltdown. Had the police helicopters and mountain rescue looking for me.
Oh Blimey! That sounds rather dramatic! what sparked off the melt down?
I really happy for you that you won your employment tribunal, well done! :-)
The police as a whole have a poor skill set when it comes to mental health. They do not concern me though as for every once of a hard time they give me... I would return in favour and this is an area where I excel unfortunately.
Things are generally on the up for the time being however. I won my employment tribunal. These things can be done without legal support.
The other struggles will remain. The war continues but this battle has been fought and the enemy defeated. I'm looking to have a good summer now if possible
more definitely needs to be done with regards to increasing the police awareness of autism. Though I'm sure that I recently read that people are campaigning for police to have to go on training for autism and learning disabilities
www.autismeye.com/.../
the police do not understand autism and may give you a difficult time. They have certainly been terrible with me and nearly got me killed in an accident last year due to my distress at their actions, a few days before I was due in court
I’ll try to find the previous post