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Is getting a diagnoses at old age any good ?

NAS51070

Well, I don’t know where to start or how to describe exactly how I feel, but I’ll try my best. I’m 32 years old. I am a weird person, I’ve always been the weird person. That someone who never fits in.

since I can ever remember I have always wondered “what’s wrong with me, why am I different” life have been unkind and extremely hard. I’ve been abused to the limit of trauma and I can only blame myself because I believe what people say outright I can’t still get my head around the ability to lie. 

Things that bothered me when I was young, the inability to understand my peers, their small chitchats and their ability to be part of a group. I still struggle to have one best friend and I can’t for the life of be be part of a group. Life to me is like a theatre I’ve got to learn and know what’s on the show but I can’t comprehend or understand what goes behind it. I have learnt to speak to people but it’s always AUTOMATIC I can talk to people once or even try and make friends but after the 1st automoatic chats I’ve got nothing else to say, I wonder what people say on the phone or on massager I just can’t dial someone up and talk, not because I don’t have things to say but because I don’t know how and I feel so pressured to just plurb our words that if I do they seem to be unconnected. Strings of idea the same way I’ll be thinking as if I memorised sentences and I just repeat it.

it bothers me, seeing everyone around me getting close to each other while I can’t and I plainly don’t know how they do it, what do they say ? What’s so interested to them to get them caught up in the bubble of friendship ?

im good looking and I’ve always thought this is a curse, I get so much attention. I look like a normal person, some people try and initiate a friendship and I initially can phrase all the interesting things I learned to say but I can’t get deep and after all tha random talk on the surface I feel so stuck and so anxious. The anxiety is so bad I end up blocking people just because I can’t get my self to respond.

i read a lot about body language, books after books, I’ve managed to keep straight eye contact. I look everyone in the eye even if it’s not comfortable I just do it without blinking but I’m so isolated.

throughout my life I’ve struggled with anxiety, extreme anxietyRageMaskSmiling imp and depression.

ive managed to do a lot of things in my life also but I just can’t keep going, I lack consistency. I can do a job and after sometimes I don’t have any mental energy to face the people I work with, I can’t be friends with them either!

ive had a family of my own, it was so hard and this is somewhat of a confession. The few years I was married felt like I was acting like a robot, by the book doing things b cause I should not because it felt right because nothing feels right. The result of my experiment of getting closed with someone are two wonderful children one of whom is severely autistic.

im doing my best as a mother, but I can’t help but seeing myself in my child.

memories of lining up my toys and having so limited imagination. To the point that as a child my family thought it was funny how I played with my cousins the same way I blazed with my toys, just lined them up in order, I had so many dolls ranging in size and I will just place my younger cousins with the dolls in an order of size.

ive always been extremely good with languages, I speak 3 languages, English is my 3rd. And I have a bizarrely collective mind, as I always say it, my mind collect so much useless information, strings of data that I can’t put to use, random facts that I myself wonder why the heck do I know it or why did my mid store it and for what purpose is my mind filled with a waste of information I can’t use.

i have a feeling inside me that autism is the answer to my question, why am I different but I don’t really know if getting a diagnoses would benefit me anyhow!

i have been told before by many that I come across as high functioning autistic but I thought they talk rubbish as I always thought of myself as some kind of a genius, my mind works in a brilliant YES so different way from anyone I have ever know and yes I have zero social skills but I’ve always had the comfort of my own process of thoughts.

pheeww, now! What I’ve just typed is exactly what’s in my mind, I sadly can’t understand the difference between things that should be said and things that shouldn’t and I’m hoping someone will go through this lengthy mess and tell me outright if I sound like someone with autism and if it’s any good getting a diagnoses because somehow I am so anxious about talking about it with my GP or with any other person face to face.

oh forgot to say, I’m so clumsy and I find it hard telling right from left without holding my hand up to check which had I write with, here goes the right and the hand o don’t right with is simply leftSee no evil

  •  I have just been diagnosed at age 54 and now I know, its a good thing and is helping me and my wife understand me so I can then formulate a plan to explain my condition to others which I hope to do by highlighting the positives (literacy and numeracy) and asking for understanding of the negatives (lack of social skills). Looking at what you have said makes me think you are on the spectrum but getting a diagnosis will confirm it.

    FYI How I have survived over the years is by masking and through the application of learned behaviours, whether that's by watching and copying others or by taking courses i.e. communication skills, sales skills, presentation skills, etc., which I did for my job but translate into personal life too.

    I still struggle in social situations and I don't look folk in the eye, I look at the point of their chin or throat which gives the impression of eye contact but doesn't make folk uncomfortable in my experience. Learning body language things like not folding your arms so you don't look defensive and keeping your hands under control so your not flapping at people has helped me. Conversation topics are hard but having a list that includes the weather, been on holiday, how was your journey, been here before, etc., can get you through a lot of small talk and with practice helped me to fit in.

    All my successful personal relationships have been where we had a common interest and have come from those groups so people at Gigs, or on a message board or facebook page for something I am interested in that lead to meetups and on from there.

    I hope this helps and good luck with your decision.

  • I got my diagnosis last year aged 45. It has really changed my life - I understand myself so much better now and am experiencing a lot less anxiety. That did not happen overnight of course - it is a process. So, I don't know whether or not you are autistic, but it is certainly worth finding out. Knowledge is power. The more you know about yourself, the more you can work out what you like and don't like. You can also talk to other people who you feel comfortable with and they will understand you better. You have nothing to lose in my view. I have also suffered from anxiety and depression since I was a teenager. Realising that I am autistic and getting some help has really helped that and now I don't struggle as much. Could you ask someone to go along to the GP with you for support? You could also try writing down how you feel and read it out when you see the GP. My mind always goes blank when I am in front of a GP (and in many social situations) so I try to write things down or have a script of some sort. If you don't get a good reaction then try seeing another doctor. Good luck. 

  • I'm an autistic wife and mum to 3 boys, diagnosed last year at the age of 34! Never too old. And a formal diagnosis has taken so much pressure off us as a couple and me as a mother.

  • Greetings, 51070... I myself was diagnosed at around aged 40 ( And so, as Mr. MartianTom & others say here, Age 32 hardly counts as "Old"... )

    This is my usual answer: Getting a Diagnosis is not easy, and so if offered the oppertunity, then please do accept it, for There is little/nothing to lose. And once gained it opens up a lot of very useful Official Support and Channels. - according to LAW. Plus... it explains a few things, & may give peace of mind that you are not alone...

    ...Finally, NOT every quirk you may have is due to Autism... e.g. All Children can learn different languages and can maintain disparate information as well ... You are just being You, and so keep on with empowering that towards good things. (I have not much else to say, now. Good Luck anyway.)

  • I can relate to what you are saying too, especially with regard to being able to talk to someone once then struggling, having enormous difficulty retaining friends and not understanding how other people take socialising for granted. I have just been diagnosed with ASD, ADHD and am awaiting an assessment for dyspraxia. I am 55. Thirty-two is very young. Slight smile

  • Old?  At 32?

    I got my diagnosis at 56.  It was an amazing thing. Suddenly - albeit late - I had the answers to so many questions I'd had about myself throughout my life.

    Much of what you've said about yourself applies to me, too - apart from the proficiency with languages.  My mind is a scrapbook of 'useless' information (nothing really coherent) which I nevertheless often find a good use for.

    Depends what you want a diagnosis for.  But if it's validation, I'd say go for it.

    Also, I can now use that diagnosis to ask for things like reasonable adjustments in the workplace. No longer do I need to be thought of as fussy, hypersensitive, uncooperative, etc.  I have something I can point to and say 'Look.  I have this condition.  I need you to take account of it.'