ASD v Narcissm

Hi there,

Although there may be some similarities in regards to behaviours, there is actually a huge difference between narcissism and ASC (in my opinion).  The 'lack of empathy' issue is especially important here.  Much is said and misunderstood about the perceived lack of empathy with autistic people.  Much of this is to do with the way information is processed.  So, I might have someone burst into tears in front of me and I won't necessarily know how to respond.  Anyone else might hug the person, or give them some other form of comfort.  I would literally be frozen into inaction - which would make me appear cold and unempathetic.  The complete opposite is the case, however.  I have worked in care for many years.  I care very much about the welfare of others - especially vulnerable people.  The suffering of others - humans and animals - can affect me very deeply.  There is much that you may have read or heard, too, about 'theory of mind', with many 'experts' saying that autistic people lack 'theory of mind', which explains why they are unable to understand the feelings and emotions of others: essentially, to put themselves in another's shoes.  Again, this is more widely becoming recognised as being either an oversimplification or incorrect. You might find it interesting to check out the information on the 'double empathy' theory, which suggests that when people with very different experiences of the world interact, they may find it very difficult to empathise with one another.  This could be because of language and cultural differences.  It could also be because of differences of neurological wiring - i.e. neurotypical and neurodiverse.  As many people on this forum will testify, it is often incredibly difficult for us to figure out the behaviours, motives and emotional expressions of NTs; as difficult as it is for NTs to figure out the same with us.  The difference, of course, is that as NDs, we are very much in the minority.  It is much easier for NTs to find understanding and validation for their perceptions and responses because they have such a vast number of others to back up their positions.  Depending on what figures you read, only 1 in every 100 people has autism.  This is why so many of our behaviours and responses are regarded as 'impaired' or 'faulty' or 'inappropriate'.  In comparison to the majority, of course they are.  To us, they're not impaired or faulty at all.  They're perfectly consistent with the way we are wired to perceive, process and respond.  So much of autism care and 'support' has been focused on behaviour management.  Thankfully, attitudes are changing, and legitimacy is being accorded to those legitimate sensory issues.  It's a slow process, though.

The psychopathology of someone with NPD is quite different.  Narcissists are often deliberately manipulative people (something quite alien to autistics).  Narcissists, for instance, will use psychological tactics like 'gaslighting' to undermine the confidence and credibility of a target: to get them to doubt their own sanity and sense of reality.  And a narcissist won't care who they hurt, or the damage they do to others.  Much of their behaviour is rooted in deep personal insecurity, and they seek to undermine others as a way of boosting their own sense of credibility and self-worth.  An autistic person would not behave in such a deliberate and damaging fashion.  Although it can be a very difficult condition to live with (autism, that is), it is unlikely that any behaviours are deliberately designed to destabilise another person (which isn't to say that autistic people don't have negative behaviours and traits; we're all human!)

I could go on and there is an awful lot more I could say on the subject, having had several very nasty and damaging experiences at the hands of narcissists myself.  Has the counsellor explained how they have reached that decision?  Has your husband taken any tests (the AQ) to give an indication for your initial suspicion of ASC?  Does the counsellor have any real knowledge and experience of ASC?

You may find it interesting to check this information out on 'double empathy':

The double empathy problem

Also, there is a wealth of information out there on both ASC and NPD.  On the latter, you might find this video to be quite helpful:

Mind Games of Narcissists

You may also find this earlier thread to contain some useful information:

Autism and Narcissism

Tom

HI,

I don't want to invade another thread but am seriously interested in debunking theory of mind ideas.  How can Autism be a specturm,  theory of mind be binary (got it or not) and the two be equated?

NAS50581: I hope you get an answer you can trust and act on.  

HI,

I don't want to invade another thread but am seriously interested in debunking theory of mind ideas.  How can Autism be a specturm,  theory of mind be binary (got it or not) and the two be equated?

NAS50581: I hope you get an answer you can trust and act on.