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My new partner is non diagnosed ASD

NAS50833

Hi

I have a new partner of 5 months who is undiagnosed high functioning ASD / Aspergers. I work in mental health so spotted the signs and asked him to complete an Autistic Syndrome Quotient Assessment of which he scored highly. He is currently exploring the diagnosis assessment process. I am, however, starting to feel challenged and would really appreciate some advice on communication,  avoiding misunderstandings, and how to get my emotional needs met in the relationship. I have a 12 year old son and I am a little concerned that he will also feel challenged by the restritions and difficulties. I am well read on ASD but feel a little isolated in this experience and would love to hear from people in a similar situation or who have lived it.  

He's a wonderful person who I love very much.

Parents

  • My ex husband is also undiagnosed with Aspergers.  First of all it is good you work in the field so know enough about ASD as a start. I think the main thing really is to be very careful to use clear language. My ex and I are still good friends and he sometimes asks me what people mean in their texts etc because unfortunately he has met some people who are not always clear about how they are feeling.  Sarcasm and hoping someone will realise what is meant just isn't going to be the best way (not saying you do either of those things but those are examples of being clear).

    I find I have to think before I speak at times - with my kids as well as my ex. Or if something sarcastic or an idiom or metaphor slips out, explain it straight away.

    I feel like I probably haven't said anything you don't know already but I just wanted to let you know you've been heard.

Reply

  • My ex husband is also undiagnosed with Aspergers.  First of all it is good you work in the field so know enough about ASD as a start. I think the main thing really is to be very careful to use clear language. My ex and I are still good friends and he sometimes asks me what people mean in their texts etc because unfortunately he has met some people who are not always clear about how they are feeling.  Sarcasm and hoping someone will realise what is meant just isn't going to be the best way (not saying you do either of those things but those are examples of being clear).

    I find I have to think before I speak at times - with my kids as well as my ex. Or if something sarcastic or an idiom or metaphor slips out, explain it straight away.

    I feel like I probably haven't said anything you don't know already but I just wanted to let you know you've been heard.

Children
  • in reply to Beckster

    Thank you for your reply Beckster! I really appreciate it. The first thing I noticed is he's your ex husband. I don't want to pry but I am wondering if the difficulties were too much. Did you find you had to pad out your own support network for when you needed emotionally to felt heard or supported, things that some one might not be able to tune into as well.?

    Warmly