Published on 12, July, 2020
Anyone else with ASD rediscovering the contentedness of living as a couple again after the kids have left?
I love my kids but after being a parent for over a quarter century this next phase of life is going down just fine with me at the moment!
Pease and quiet & being able to watch TV together without someone talking over it & triggering verbal processing stress is just one of the blessings.
I wish we could arrive at that point. So many false starts amidst a general "failure to launch". We didn't recognise the signs of our own autism, let alone theirs. So now there remains a seemingly massive amount of work still to he done. :(
Oh my, I feel for you if you think they've gone and either don't or come back.
I sympathise massively - I can only guess at how difficult it all must seem.
This is our guiding thought. We inch along though. Our older son has become deeply depressed due to trying and failing to meet societal expectations of college/uni/work. Our younger son lives like a hermit and barely speaks to anyone, including ourselves. They recognise the need for a degree of independence, but this simply makes them feel worse and even less able, even becoming linked to suicidal thoughts.
Big problems with flying the nest then - I'll probably start a separate thread as this kind of hijacks the main theme. I would love, love, LOVE to have an empty nest though.
I wish I had something helpful to add, but the only thing I can think of is telling them, at some point we're no longer going to be around or incapable, and you are going to have to stand on your own two feet - you need to think about what you're going to do when that happens, and I'd suggest you get some practice whilst we're still around to assist!
Ideally. I dream of such a thing. But anything approaching that has simply resulted in them falling. And rather badly too.
It seems to be mostly to do with autism-related issues of which I was unaware during their formative years. Let's face it - I didn't realise I was autistic so that made it harder to notice in them. I remain, however, unforgiven.
I think you're supposed to push them out at some point so they do that whole flying or falling thing :-)
Yes, several university and college drop outs plus current withdrawal, reclusiveness and dependency on benefits. I see parents lamenting empty nest syndrome and reflect on how lucky they are.