Published on 12, July, 2020
I’ve been considering - to disclose or not to disclose autism at work?
I thought I didn’t need to disclose because I found this job before even autism crossed my mind.
So I thought “I went so far not knowing so I’m going to ignore it”.
Especially that I read all those stories about how other people might react after disclosure and I was worried that suddenly they might start treating me badly.
But disclosing also means reasonable adjustments.
And that they’re going to ask about it.
And I’m not sure what would help? How do you know what helps you?
I keep asking myself “will it help?” and I’m not sure.
I have my own computer which I hate using because it’s in the middle of open plan office but I’m not sure moving desk would help because other spaces in the office are not especially appealing either. I’d rather have my own office with the printer but that’s not an option.
The main problem for me is communication though.
Someone is explaining something to me and the moment they stop I don’t know what exactly I’m supposed to do. And how. I try my best but then people get angry that it wasn’t what they meant and that they’ve explained everything so clearly (and I feel like an idiot)
Could I ask to be moved one step down the company ladder as an adjustment?
I’m a supervisor and it’s awful.
Yes, I wanted to do it because I thought I could.
But I hate delegating work, and I hate organising time for other people (I can organise and prioritise my own work just fine unless someone suddenly comes and asks me to do something urgent and I’m not sure how to fit it in my schedule)
But being in charge of other people is awful - I don’t know what to tell them, what they should do and when, so the job would be done.
And I need to train them. I really dislike explaining and training people. Maybe because I hardly talk. So I’m always worried that they didn’t understand me.
But I guess I can’t refuse to train new employees?
And I’m responsible for their job being done correctly because otherwise it’s going to be my fault. Which is rather stressful.
I really need to do something about my work because it destroys my private life (according to my husband-we hardly have any relationship now)
I like my job but working full time is draining.
And I don’t really know how to help myself.
Oh God I so sympathise, my friends encouraged me to take a managerial job and reassured me I could do it. And I can, I'm doing no worse and possibly better than the average idiot manager - but I'm exhausted and have a sense of doom hanging over me all the time. I feel really exposed, I don't care what everyone else is doing so it's really demanding trying to manage other people. But I know my employers think I'm doing a good job overall even if they find me a bit weird to deal with, things actually run relatively well - which is the main point.
The reason I'm able to cope is that I'm part-time 3 days per week - this means I have plenty of time to recover - although I still spend most of my free time actually recovering rather than doing something else I'd like to do. I've disclosed so people do know what my limitations are. I also have a second-in-command who has good people skills and can explain what's in people's heads so I can troubleshoot interpersonal crap.
I don't have a problem talking to people, I'm at the over-friendly/no boundaries end of the spectrum - but it also means that I'm constantly burning with misery that I'm staying 'stupid' things and babbling etc. Telling people what to do is just a matter of taking a bit of time to think through how you would do it yourself and you can just write it down (in a fancy grid or something hahaha) - then the only talking you have to do is to invite the person to ask you anything they don't understand and to come to you if they don't know what to do at any time. I find I'm much clearer in writing than in speech so I try to write as much as possible and talk as little as possible. I've tried just asking them to plan out how they should work but mostly they don't seem to be able to do this.
I think in a lot of situations, disclosing can be really good - but I don't usually do it until everyone already knows me - I find they're less likely to patronise and problematise that way.
I think before disclosing you might want to think through clearly exactly what your issues are and what *you* would like to put in place to make life easier and then get into a negotiation with them. If they appreciate your work overall, they may do much more than minor 'adjustments' and work with you to make the managerial position bearable. Otherwise they might be prepared to downgrade you again - also consider the possibility of going part-time and 'flextime' so you can recharge better? I've always found that employers will be pretty helpful by and large - however *we* might feel inadequate and struggling, I think often we are bringing a lot to the job which employers find valuable so they're happy to negotiate - and they're human too!
Yes, the sense of doom. So stressful.
I was also encouraged to take this position “you can do it, go for it” and I’ve been doing it for over a year (even enjoying it for the first 2 months) but I think I’m close to my limits.
Anyway I’ve made the decision - I need to prepare and negotiate (actually, cutting hours would be nice, and leaving earlier I would avoid being stuck in the traffic )