Problems with authority/feeling harassed

does anyone else get like this?  I have got on brilliantly with some of my line managers, if given some freedom to be comfortable and do things my way my work is excellent and I happily do extra, and am still friends with previous managers.

however I have gone through life having huge difficulties if I start feeling trapped.  If I’m told I can’t do something, for the sake of being told no, like I view it as them having full control and I start to shut down.  I have social conversations with others at work, but I can’t face even a simple conversation with my line manager.   My line manager stares at me and asks question after question about my weekends, my evenings, how I am, what I’m doing that evening.  If other people asked me I’d be able to talk to them.  

I’ve lost jobs, left jobs and walked out due to this.  I do feel bad because my line manager has been in tears and finds my behaviour very upsetting.  

Does anyone else have similar struggles? 

Parents
  • Much of this post could be about me!

    The problem in my case was caused by micromanagement and a line manager who thought her purpose was to 'order people about' rather than get the best out of them.

    A good manager should allow people to work to their strengths and capabilities, not to their weaknesses.  Many years ago I had a manager who told me that a good manager was one who you didn't know was there, who allowed people freedom to do work in their own way as long as it gave the desired result (and obviously didn't involve dishonesty or bullying).  And I thought at the time this was only a way of a manager being able to go off playing golf instead of performing his duties.  But as time passed and with some awful managers since, I realise how true his comments were.

    A good employer will have selected the candidate for the job and will then be able to trust the employee.  Lack of trust shows lack of ability and lack of confidence in their choice.  A manager should be there for someone to get guidance from but not be on your back all the time.

    My problems really came to a head with a Tupe and a change of my job role.  It led to five months off sick with depression, my autism diagnosis, a change of manager, and ultimately an application to the employment tribunal and a sum of money (I have kept my job, and now am allowed to work in my own way).

    Micromanagement, belittling someone, setting someone up to fail, overburdening them with unsuitable work, micromanagement, are all traits of bullying.  And this added to failure to listen leads to a breakdown in communication and a fear of the manager.  I had great problems with communicating with my line manager, and a feeling of real fear as she just would not listen and anything I said would be ignored or used against me in some sort of 'performance' issue.  I don't know what the school is where they are taught to act like this, suffice it to say that many managers behave in this way amongst other managers which are fair and treat people with respect.

    The result of bad management is stress, anxiety and depression, mental illness and absence.  And as autistics we are particularly prone to these conditions.  I always believe it is lack of control that makes one stressed and gives anxiety, the thought of turning up to work becomes onerous and eventually one's opinion of oneself becomes overwhelmingly bad.  It then rubs salt into the wound to have the manager saying they are 'trying to help' and have your best interests at heart.

    It has taken a long time to get my situation turned round and it was a hard struggle but now I feel at least that I can turn up for work and not be criticised for everything I do.  And by taking things to a nearly satisfactory conclusion under employment law has I hope made them think twice before they pull the same stunt again.

Reply
  • Much of this post could be about me!

    The problem in my case was caused by micromanagement and a line manager who thought her purpose was to 'order people about' rather than get the best out of them.

    A good manager should allow people to work to their strengths and capabilities, not to their weaknesses.  Many years ago I had a manager who told me that a good manager was one who you didn't know was there, who allowed people freedom to do work in their own way as long as it gave the desired result (and obviously didn't involve dishonesty or bullying).  And I thought at the time this was only a way of a manager being able to go off playing golf instead of performing his duties.  But as time passed and with some awful managers since, I realise how true his comments were.

    A good employer will have selected the candidate for the job and will then be able to trust the employee.  Lack of trust shows lack of ability and lack of confidence in their choice.  A manager should be there for someone to get guidance from but not be on your back all the time.

    My problems really came to a head with a Tupe and a change of my job role.  It led to five months off sick with depression, my autism diagnosis, a change of manager, and ultimately an application to the employment tribunal and a sum of money (I have kept my job, and now am allowed to work in my own way).

    Micromanagement, belittling someone, setting someone up to fail, overburdening them with unsuitable work, micromanagement, are all traits of bullying.  And this added to failure to listen leads to a breakdown in communication and a fear of the manager.  I had great problems with communicating with my line manager, and a feeling of real fear as she just would not listen and anything I said would be ignored or used against me in some sort of 'performance' issue.  I don't know what the school is where they are taught to act like this, suffice it to say that many managers behave in this way amongst other managers which are fair and treat people with respect.

    The result of bad management is stress, anxiety and depression, mental illness and absence.  And as autistics we are particularly prone to these conditions.  I always believe it is lack of control that makes one stressed and gives anxiety, the thought of turning up to work becomes onerous and eventually one's opinion of oneself becomes overwhelmingly bad.  It then rubs salt into the wound to have the manager saying they are 'trying to help' and have your best interests at heart.

    It has taken a long time to get my situation turned round and it was a hard struggle but now I feel at least that I can turn up for work and not be criticised for everything I do.  And by taking things to a nearly satisfactory conclusion under employment law has I hope made them think twice before they pull the same stunt again.

Children
  • Yes!  I can't stand micromanagement, especially when there's no help with actual work or when you've asked for work help but not got it, and then someone tries to micromanage something just for the sake of it.  I believe a good manager should let you do things your way, as long as the work gets done.  You've believed employed for a reason and there should be some trust and mutual respect. 

    Your experience and comments sound so similar to mine.  I'm glad you've kept your job and can work in your own way!

    I feel my current line manager doesn't have the skills to be a manager, I've had no training and get no help when I ask, yet they want to micromanage silly things.  I asked about adjustments because I was struggling with the environment and was told no.  So for months I've struggled, felt trapped, like sitting in a school detention every day, and eventually went off sick.  What you say about lack of control is spot on I think.  I had no control over anything, with my line manager having control over their office and how everyone else had to behave and work.  Now I've been given reasonable adjustments-moved desks, headphones, reporting to someone else.  But everytime they try and get us to talk to each other about rebuilding a work relationship I just shutdown again.  I was told my line manager goes home in tears, and is so hurt to see that I talk to other people but wont talk to her.  So now I feel really bad because I don't mean to do that to people.