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Problems with authority/feeling harassed

NAS50557

does anyone else get like this?  I have got on brilliantly with some of my line managers, if given some freedom to be comfortable and do things my way my work is excellent and I happily do extra, and am still friends with previous managers.

however I have gone through life having huge difficulties if I start feeling trapped.  If I’m told I can’t do something, for the sake of being told no, like I view it as them having full control and I start to shut down.  I have social conversations with others at work, but I can’t face even a simple conversation with my line manager.   My line manager stares at me and asks question after question about my weekends, my evenings, how I am, what I’m doing that evening.  If other people asked me I’d be able to talk to them.  

I’ve lost jobs, left jobs and walked out due to this.  I do feel bad because my line manager has been in tears and finds my behaviour very upsetting.  

Does anyone else have similar struggles? 

Parents

  • Yes, I have experienced similar problems. One of my current managers wants to tell me all about her family, and discuss relationship problems she is having - for me this is deeply uncomfortable. With hindsight I can see how she may have perceived my reaction to her attempts to be friends as a rejection. others in the team are Facebook friends with her, this does not feel appropriate to me. 

    I have got on well with managers where there were clear boundaries in our relationship. I also need to respect my manager's behaviour and competence. If they behave badly, make poor decisions and are disrespectful or bullying I can't ignore it and get on with my job like colleagues can. 

    It is a real problem as relatively few managers seem to have the appropriate training, knowledge and skills to manage NT people, let alone autistic people. Senior managers discussing line managers who are acknowledged to have poor management skills say things like: "She'll never change, that's just the way she is". I find this utterly mystifying. 

    Not sure what the answer is. Self employment probably, but that isn't feasible for everyone. I think managers need more training and 360 degree appraisal and exit interviews should be standard. At the moment life is very difficult indeed if you are perceived to be different in some way and you can't bring yourself to be social with your manager. This should not count against us but it often does. 

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  • Yes, I have experienced similar problems. One of my current managers wants to tell me all about her family, and discuss relationship problems she is having - for me this is deeply uncomfortable. With hindsight I can see how she may have perceived my reaction to her attempts to be friends as a rejection. others in the team are Facebook friends with her, this does not feel appropriate to me. 

    I have got on well with managers where there were clear boundaries in our relationship. I also need to respect my manager's behaviour and competence. If they behave badly, make poor decisions and are disrespectful or bullying I can't ignore it and get on with my job like colleagues can. 

    It is a real problem as relatively few managers seem to have the appropriate training, knowledge and skills to manage NT people, let alone autistic people. Senior managers discussing line managers who are acknowledged to have poor management skills say things like: "She'll never change, that's just the way she is". I find this utterly mystifying. 

    Not sure what the answer is. Self employment probably, but that isn't feasible for everyone. I think managers need more training and 360 degree appraisal and exit interviews should be standard. At the moment life is very difficult indeed if you are perceived to be different in some way and you can't bring yourself to be social with your manager. This should not count against us but it often does. 

Children
  • in reply to Sunflower

    Thanks for the reply.

    definitely feel the same in that if a line manager behaves badly or incompetently in a bullying way I can’t just let it go like others seem to.  

    People have always said to me to ‘play the game.’  But I just either don’t get this game, or I just can’t play it.  I’m really bad at lying, but I really struggle to communicate or discuss ‘feelings’ especially when uncomfortable, or if someone’s prying.  So I just go mute.  When asked the other day if I could just come in and smile and ask my line manager if they’d had a good weekend, I couldn’t lie and say I could do it.  

    I wish I could play this game, and stop having these relationship breakdowns and having to leave jobs that I could do and would enjoy.