Inability to hold down a job. Why?

Going back now over 30yrs ago. I worked in an office, it was a family business started by MDs great grandfather, and passed on. So from the day he was born this MD musr have been groomed  to be a future leader.His attitude stunk, he looked down on people. There was a lot of ill feeling in the building and those that could leave and easily get another job, left.

One day we were all called into the boardroom, and he said he couldn't help but notice the atmosphere, and wondered if anything was wrong. Everyone knew the problem, everyone in the room just looked at each other, but nobody spoke up. Eventually i said ......  It's you ! I know it's only a job to most of us and it must be so much more to you 'cos it's been in your family for generations. Everyone knew i was right, but nobody said a word. He broke up the meeting saying he would think about what i'd said.

I went back to desk and my direct boss called me into his office. He asked why did you say that ? All i could say was well it's true, you know that, and he asked. My boss said to me, you've just handed in your notice, he's not daft he'll not sack you now, he'll bide his time, but believe me, your days are numbered. Sure enough about a year later i was made redundant. I took them to Court for unfair dissmisswal, and won. But by then i didn't want the job back.

That was a long time ago now, when i was in my 20s, but with what i've found out now about autism, was it a problem with me then.......... He asked a question and i couldn't see the problem telling him the truth as i saw it.

Didn't get my first job until 35 when I was diagnosed

Wanted one, didn't enjoy being unemployed 

Most people, when they criticise someone, are actually talking about themselves.  I had a cousin who was always "borrowing" money from me.   When I finally refused to give her any more money she got very angry and accused me of thinking about money all the time.

Abbie said:

my special interests aren't the useful kind

Don't think that

Surely they are unique, and nobody can do it like you

One of mine is war strategy and tactics, I would need someone like Napoleon or Sun Tzu for a Sunday afternoon tea to actualy have a meaningful conversation about it, so I can do it only in my head, alone.

But it does not bother me

And I've never thought it's useless

and I concur - ranting is good, if you have someone that can take it on in RL, you're lucky

Ranting is good it helps people let off steam.

in my new supermarket job many small and scattered issues accompanied me from begininng, Affter 2 months and 27 days in my new job, 4 days before the end of probation first major incident happened, I overheard night shift people talking about me that I am useless, and why do they pay me, the truth is they wanted to go lazy and me to do their job,

many more similar events followed suit, it's 2 weeks after that now and I am ghosting half the staff. I am scared, I would never think that 50% of people lack compassion and consider calling themselves rude names a funny joke and wouldn't stop doing it.

But I have 2 interviews during next 2 weeks for jobs, that could be beginning of a career, please universe help me, I can't go back to my current horrible place.

Good question. From my perspective, it's the answer goes into the psychological aspect, the environment and the community which are you making part of. Also, it might be a question of boredom and routine, people just might get sick of going to their jobs, they don't like it at all and this can be the cause why they leave. Well, I am a freelancer artist, so I can't bored. Beside this, I also know [removed by moderator] on a regular basis, without too much effort, which is very nice.

This story sounds very similar to mine - even down to the rough timeframe. The longest I've held a job is one year and three months, and it ran me into the ground. I had to quit before it completely destroyed my mental health. Ironically that was my very first job, and I've been struggling to maintain any kind of work since. The last place I worked I had high hopes for, but I was let go a few months after the probation period ended. This was 4 years ago.

I was always led to believe I wouldn't have any problems finding work due to academic prowess, but in my experience my qualifications have meant absolutely nothing to any employers, or if they do then they're outshone by the sheer negative effects of being autistic. If I disclose, I'm discriminated against, and if I don't I'm bullied or shamed. Actual work output seems to matter so much less than social skills. I know this because every time I've gotten feedback for why I didn't fit at the company, the reason has either been directly correlated to my autism (i.e. it's a symptom of it, something I can't change, at least not without a little more lenience or simple adjustments no one seems willing to make), or, worse... Multiple times I've been let go "for my own safety" as funnily enough they're concerned about my mental health and ability to handle my own life so they want to "help me" - by getting rid of me!

I might be grateful for employers' apparent concern for me if they ever actually discussed their concerns with me! Instead assumptions are made about me and, as if I am a child who can't know any better, decisions about my life are seemingly made without ever consulting me. So I am made unemployed in the guise of "protecting" me - why didn't you just ask me how I felt or how I could be supported BEFORE you jumped to letting me go? It would of course be different if I had done something terribly wrong, but I am never told what I did!

Ugh sorry now I'm just ranting. It's so frustrating. How am I supposed to have any belief in my own decisions if I'm constantly being treated like I'm cognitively incapable of having one? I wish money wasn't an object because I'm officially burnt out on even trying to find a job anymore. There's no point in doing something that will never last. And my special interests aren't the useful kind that you can form a career around either...

Job hunting for me has always been a struggle. I got an interview for a full time apprenticeship but I wasn’t chosen. Instead I was offered 0 hour contract which I took. Yes, the shift patterns aren’t great and regular but I guess that’s something right?

In all honesty, I feel that the workplace is against us. I volunteer for a charity that has other autistic volunteers as well as myself and not only do we get a lot done, we all have a good time too and leave with the positivity of fundraising for a good cause.

The stigmas need to be quashed since there’s lots of us either in low paid work or nothing at all and THERE’S NOTHING WRONG THAT WE ARE DOING. The issue is the lack of tolerance and patience from employers who would be willing to learn and adjust with us. It’s going to take a lot of people power to change that.

And yes, I’ve been on both sides of the coin in which I had to leave a job but was also denied one because of my autism too.

I've survived nine weeks and counting in my current job.  That's good by my standards.

I don't think I have ever worked at any company for more than a year.  I tend to pick three month contracts only, because I will be bored by the third month and quit anyway.  I plan to start my own business in 18 months and do something I want to do (beekeeping/honey farming/agriculture/fruit).  I might not get rich doing it, but I can guarantee I will be a lot happier and i'll take that anyday over slaving away at a dead end job waiting to die.

The reason they give for making you leave may have nothing to do with the reality.  From their viewpoint, it has to be defendable in a tribunal.  Whether it's true or not is probably irrelevant to them.

If it’s a relationship issue - you don't get on with fellow workers, or your boss, aren't a 'team player', struggle to be diplomatic etc, that can be hidden behind other vague terms such as lack of productivity. 

It depends on your specific job, the contract, key performance indicators etc as to how that is measured.

In some jobs 'productivity' is basically a smoke screen. 

If you want to really understand what the problem is, because you think you may be able to address it by overcoming your natural instincts through the application of intellect and experience, then don't take what they say to you literally. 

Regard it as something you have to 'interpret'.  For some of us (like me) this is something you have to learn, where as many neurotypical people will acquire that knowledge intuitively. 

My response is 3 years late. But i hope it might help you or somebody even the tiniest bit.

All I can say is I understand. These things did happen to you and no they had nothing whatsoever to do with the "quality" of your work.

I know this because the same has happened to me.....seemingly endlessly. I know you will just want to know "why me?!", but every well meaning suggestion or bit of advice is frustrating. - Although it will certainly apply to someone somewhere - it doesnt apply to you and the situations you repeatedly find yourself in.

Yes, I will acknowledge it has everything to do with the difference between you - a conscientious person who works hard and produces quality work - and the not so hard working people who kiss managements' ****. 

Its not fair. Its not right. Very unfortunately it does happen. A lot!! (If not always). 

I hope it is of some smallest comfort to you knowing that you're not alone with this.

It happens to me too. I'm in my mid 30s, a female. At first i could hope for "better next time", then it was a case of predicting the same / similar outcome....and now I've come to know its a certainty.

I feel really lonely with this repeated pattern....and that nobody understands.

So I've written this message in the hope that you won't also continue to feel lonely, or feel that nobody understands - because I do.

Xx

Believe me, I've been there. I worked a job which all about details and organisation, two areas which I have always excelled at. Yet, at the end of the three-month Probationary period? No thanks, all attempts to help me fit in and do the job have failed, bye. Sure, I made mistakes but I was getting better-in the end it just wasn't good enough. Maybe not quick enough?

I've had a lot of jobs, paid and voluntary. Some good, some bad. Found out the hard way that you have to find a job and place that work for you, regardless of what people think might be good for you. If you don't? Well, I think you know...

This is one aspect of life that has completely passed me by thankfully.  I do often wonder what things would be like if i'd followed my childhood friends into either higher education or the workplace.   At this stage though neither of those things would be right for me.

My best childhood middle class friend is now a primary school teacher and my best working class friend owns his own building company.

I've been made redundant 3 times and each time the criticisms levelled at me now look like aspects of autism.  If I were to move back into the workplace now (i.e. away from self employment which can work much better) I would at least know that I'm autistic and there'd be legislation to protect me.  Not that I'm likely to do that because most office environments are totally toxic to me and my health has improved since I left.  

I'd suggest looking at your skills and inclinations and see whether something can be built up from there.  What are your strengths and your pleasures and can some of these be harnessed, maybe to start an online business or something you can do from home, maybe jsut in a small way at first, to sound the ground?     

Even then, I'd say that work isn't for everyone and that's OK in my book (except for probably having to cope on limited finances).  We unfortunately have to live within a culture that often seems to value people based on their economic output but that doesn't mean we have to share the same values or use them as a cosh with which to beat ourselves. 

Ideally.  But let's face it, most of the jobs you see advertised aren't likely to bring you pleasure.  Many would love to be musicians, artists, poets etc, but job adverts are generally for delivery drivers, accounts clerks, checkout staff and the like. 

There is, of course, the option of creating your own work, but this takes a certain amount of confidence and know how, plus not everyone has that entrepreneurial streak. 

I've found it to be a major problem area which I've only overcome later on in life.  My parents (probably also autistic) didn't have much know how to pass on to me so I think there are intergenerational aspects to this as well.  If you have a family business, great, but if your "family business" seems to be barely making ends meet in low paid jobs with long periods of unemployment in between, there might not be so much you can pass on in the way of advice, support and guidance.

Was made redundant from my job last year because of the pandemic, although I always suspected that the pandemic merely made the redundancy happen sooner.

I only got my ASD diagnosis a few months after that, but I also think that I was put on the redundancy list for things I'd attribute to my autism when looking back. Obviously I didn't want to say I was on the spectrum without being diagnosed, it might have saved me my job, it may not have. 

Trying to find work in an office environment is next to impossible now, I'm no good in retail, shops really mess up my anxiety which can lead to a meltdown, same for pubs and restaurants and basically any other industry that isn't an office.

I've been in and out of work since 2011, and right now ten years later there's nothing out there for me. 

When office jobs do come up (extremely rare) they require far too many qualifications which would cost me money to get or are too far away for me to reasonably get to, and they also want to wear a shirt and tie which causes sensory issues for me.