Inability to hold down a job. Why?

I first had to do some re-evaluating before I even got into the workplace. My first university course, especially the lack of support in the course and the dealing with other people in the group environment, put me off the idea of going into such a workplace. So, I dropped out of the course, which was a programming course. Due to my circumstances, I never was given the opportunity to get into it at an early age, but it looked really interesting so I thought I'd apply to do it at university. As I say, the problem was both the support within the course and the people. The majority of the people on the course had been learning to program since early childhood. Come the group project, I couldn't deal with the group, which led to me dropping out of the course.

I then decided to go back to university to do accounting, which I ended up enjoying, and even thought that I could make a success out of the career.

Then came real life, real work and real people in the workplace. After years of hard work, proving myself (more often than not) more capable than a lot of other people where I was working, getting through professional qualifications off of my own back due to no support from my employer (which they promised to do when I joined), due to office politics, bullying, discrimination and a lot of other things because, for whatever reason they had decided on, I didn't fit in and I wasn't one of them.

So, having been through years of hell as well as trying to apply for other jobs, which led nowhere, and having felt like I had been trying to get past an obstacle that I was having to acknowledge I couldn't budge, I was slowly starting to accept reality. An agency worker, who I got on with, suggested that I should just get signed off with depression. I should also say that I have seen others mistreated by management who just disappear, so it was very much a cultural thing within the organisation. Out of a culture of fear, nobody challenged the managers and with those that left and complained, nothing was ever done. I concluded that I most likely wouldn't stand a chance against them and had no proof of their treatment of me, so saw little point in pursuing any sort of action against them. I just wanted to be out of there, so I did get signed off with depression and quit while I was signed off. I should note that I went on annual leave in order to get signed off so my employer wasn't expecting anything. It's about the only comfort I have, that my employer didn't know I was leaving and taking all my knowledge, skills and experience with me, which they would not have access to in order to get others trained up. I was told that the managers were struggling a lot after I left with the workload that I had left for them, which helped make me feel a bit better about some revenge.

So, in my 30s, re-evaluating life again. I was considering a change of career, going to college to get retrained and reskilled in the hopes that with all the stuff I had picked up from accountancy, with a bit of help I could probably look into starting up my own business. I should say that I was diagnosed shortly before leaving my job. I knew that reskilling and retraining in my 30s would be challenging but my options were limited - continue with a career that was getting me nowhere or try something different. Through some local support I was signposted to a volunteer site where I came across a local small company that dealt with finance, so I figured I'd contact them to provide me with something to do while I was trying to sort my life out. The local branch of a charity was also something I was signposted to, which ended up providing me with 6 months worth of funding for part time employment at the place where I was prepared to volunteer. At the end of those 6 months, the company employed me under the same terms and conditions. Sure, it's not perfect as I would like to be able to earn more money but I enjoy it there and have met a group of very nice and supportive people who acknowledge me and value for me for everything I bring to the organisation, who see me as a future leader of the organisation, who want to invest in me and provide me with opportunities though being a small company their resources are extremely limited.

Right now, this job works for me while I'm able to live with family who can support me, but I'm choosing to gamble that the company will grow and, in time, be able to offer me more. It's also a company that is built on values I agree with, with people there who strongly believe in those values. I see my growth and the company's growth as being interconnected and I want to be part of helping the company grow and become more than what it is right now.

Oh, I see. Your description of what the ideal job would be, for you, made me feel calm which made me wonder if I should go for that type of job and then I remembered my need to be in control and my love of freedom and travelling, which brought me back down to earth and made me realise that although the description sounds calming and soothing, I really do need to find my own way. Back to the drawing board! Lol! I don't mind really because I'm still in burnout and my goals for this year are to work on my foundations and let work come from that. 

I had a teensy brain injury a couple of years ago which pretty much destroyed my ability to work.

That sounds like it would suit me as well to be honest. I've only just realised that I don't want to work completely by myself, which has got me thinking about what I can do about that and I think I've come up with a solution. 

What you described above, sounds like a really good option for me as well but I also like to travel and I don't like to be tied to one place ~ that feels like too much of a committment to me which overwhelms me and working for somebody else goes against my need to be in control. So alas, I will have to find my own way of doing things. 

When I start working again, some of my work will be done online, either by Skype or/and via emails, but I think I'm also going to get some kind of physical building that I can work out of, with other therapists maybe or I might rent a room somewhere. I don't know, I haven't figured that bit out yet, but I've realised that I don't want to work completely by myself. 

You said 'if' you were to go back to work ~ are you saying you no longer work or are you simply happy in your work so not looking to move anywhere else? 

I hope your new job works out for you also Tom and the college are more understanding 

If I had to go back to work, I would choose a 'medium' job where the money was ok with at a level I could excel at but with no further responsibility. I would want to be working on my own too. I don't mind being part of a team as long as my role has strong boundaries so I can't get 'used' by others. Working hard doesn't stress me, it's poor management and obvious manipulation that burn me up.

Neither did I 6 years ago, which was probably the first time I had ever even considered that question. It's taken me 6 years to find out and I consider those to be the best 6 years of my life so far, because at least I was asking such good questions as opposed to what can I do to fit in, which never lead me to what I really wanted to do. That only started to happen after I changed the questions to, what do I love to do, what do I want to do, what do I want from other people etc etc etc. I didn't even know what I enjoyed as I had been eeither taking drugs or drink or in recovery from taking them, so I didn't have a clue. 

I simply began to ask myself the questions and allowed the answers to be revealed to me, over time, and they were, but only when I allowed them. If I was working or trying to achieve something, it's like I couldn't reach or hear the answers. So my burnout was my greatest gift because I became unable to do anything, not even eat or drink regularly, but it taught me so much. For example, I never previously realised that I don't like to get a wash everyday or change my clothes often. I've learned so much about myself which I can now use to shape my future life. 

Hi AsperWoman,

Sorry to read of your travails.  I've had some similar issues myself - witness 26 jobs in just over 40 years of work.  I've not had the problem with performance issues, or failing a probationary period.  In fact, most of my employers have said I'm a good and conscientious worker.

My problems have usually been the other stuff.  Not fitting in with other staff, or bullying.   The latter's the case in my current job - or, as of today, my previous job.  They didn't really know how best to handle the issue - in spite of being a charity specialising in autism care.  From what Occupational Health have told me, they were even looking into the possibility that I wasn't fulfilling my job role criteria in 'dealing with challenging behaviour.'  They  seemed oblivious to the fact that challenging behaviour exhibited non-intentionally by people with learning disabilities is quite different to deliberate bullying and harassment exhibited by a colleague!  This is the second time such a thing has happened to me.  And although I'm the one who's effectively the victim in this case, I'm the one who ends up leaving.

I'm 60 later this year, and will soon be starting in a new job.  And that's how it feels, as you say: like it's back to the drawing board once again.

I hope things can work out for you soon.  The system is deeply unfair.  They discriminate against us, even though legally they can't.  But they always seem to get away with it, somehow.

Hi Blueray. I wish I knew the answer. I don't know what I want to do. 

You could look also look at that a different way, which I know is not easy for us aspies, but you could look at it from the point of view of how wonderful  this is, this pattern is showing me something, what could it be? Maybe it's that I don't fit into the traditional workplace, maybe I just didn't like the work, maybe it's showing me that I don't yet know what I really want to do? It could be a pattern showing you many things. How much time would you like to spend working? How much money would you like to earn? Do you want your work to be something that you're interested in, for example, do you want to make one of your special interests your job? Or would you simply like a low paid job that you could do with the minimum of stress because that is what would be perfect for you? 

I realised that no matter how much I loved my work and no matter how good I was at it, I didn't fit in to the workplace. 

I didn't see that as a 'bad' thing or as a fault (neither mine nor anybody else's). I just took it literally, in that I didnt fit into the workplace. I didn't know I was autistic at the time, but it's what lead to the diagnosis, or one of the things. 

So I asked myself, what could I do instead? And I had no idea. The only thing I could come up with at the time, was that I needed an income and I didn't want to go out to work, at a workplace, so I would work from home.

I achieved that, then realised, that, that wasn't enough. I realised I couldn't ignore my need for meaning. So I set off on the journey to discover what the meaning of what work was to me. 

I've discovered that now, so now, my task is to bring myself gently out of burnout, to be in the most optimum state of health and well being while allowing my new plans to emerge and come to fruition ~ and that's what I'm working on now.

This journey started at the beginning of 2013 and in that time I think I've only had four jobs ~ one social work, one mental health nurse, one as a waitress in a hotel restaurant and one in a coffee shop. Oh, and one on line. But they weren't my ultimate goal and I realised, after the last job (coffee shop) that I had to let them go in order to find what I wanted.

The amount of energy that went into those jobs left me with no time or rather energy, to consider what I do want. So I had to forfeit money and the prestige of having a job and work for pursuing the goal of what I wanted. So that's what I did. I gave all the other jobs up. I decided I would rather die trying to find my purpose than doing a job that brought little to no joy to me because of how difficult it was for me to do those jobs. I thought I would rather die of starvation than do a job that didn't enhance my life. Although I was only able to make this decision in light of burnout, which is why I am so grateful to this burnout. 

I started by starting on the journey of discovering what it was I actually loved to do and I had no idea to begin with. None whatsoever. And I understand why that was, since I got the autism diagnosis. It's because prior to diagnosis, I was always just trying to fit in with what I saw as 'everybody else', and never took the time to really understand what I loved doing or what I wanted to do. I'm still discovering that and I realise now that the more I do, only what I love, I find more things to love doing! For example, I went rifle shooting last year and really enjoyed it. So that might be something I take up as a hobby. The guy who runs the shooting range said there are a lot of autistic people in this sport. It's something we can focus on, get better at, be part of a team but do our thing by ourselves. I certainly felt at home in that place. It was just older men and from what the guy said, they were probably autistic too and that's maybe why I got on with them so well and why they were so helpful to me. 

What do you love to do? 

With aspergers and a pattern of being told to leave jobs ( for various reasons) or not getting accepted for them in the first place, what is the best line of work to get into and how can I make it more likely to get a job? I prepare for interviews but it's a case of always the bridesmaid never the bride.

What has worked for you? Thanks in advance.

With aspergers and a pattern of being told to leave jobs ( for various reasons) or not getting accepted for them in the first place, what is the best line of work to get into and how can I make it more likely to get a job? I prepare for interviews but it's a case of always the bridesmaid never the bride.

What has worked for the people using this forum who are in regular paid employment that they enjoy? Thanks in advance.

Hey, you know that’s my pattern, one step forward and two steps back and I’m getting used to it. I’ve realised that this is what serves me best. I have to do everything in stages, if I want to live a stress free life, so bearing that in mind, it makes sense that I’d take one step forward and two steps back. Besides which, it simply is, just the way I do things and I’m perfectly ok with that. Maybe it’s your pattern too?

I’m sorry you’re not feeling so great tonight. I’m not gonna try and drag you out of it, but when you’re feeling better, and if you feel like it, have a good old day dream and let me know what your ideal thing would be. 

Going backwards can also be very good. It was for me. I’ve gone right back to almost a child but with the added advantage of having been here before! 

I don't even know anymore. Feeling very down about it tonight. Aspergers has curtailed my life. One step forward, two steps back. Going backwards.

The problem is everyone is terrified of giving honest feedback because there are so many nutcases out there looking for minor transgressions or technical errors as a reason to sue for a quick buck.

It's annoying because you never learn what you actually do that they see as a problem. They just give generic platitudes or wooly reasons why 'you were not considered suitable on this occasion' to avoid any possible legal repercussions.

The problem is we look like NTs so we don't always stand out intially at interview or when we start work. Everyone expects NT behaviours from us. It's when we start to look a bit odd that the whispering starts.

Once we attract attention, the bullies will spot us and take delight in making our life a misery. Our lack of social awareness just makes us an easier target.

The ripples in the workplace will then get the attention of the manager. He's then got a problem and wants an easy solution - getting rid before the end of the probation period is the preferred choice. Any other choice will surely bite him down the line when it all gets messy.

I’ve heard that before, about employers giving rubbish feedback to interviewees or not giving it at all  

What would be you’re dream job? 

This is the real difficulty for autistic people - our differences often make it impossible for us to blend in, so we become the targets for bullying and abuse, but when it comes to dealing with the Job Centre they fail to recognise any of this.

We need radical action to tackle employment based discrimination covering recruitment, induction, supervision and appraisal. Exit interviews should also be standard as people may only feel able to speak up about abuse when they are leaving.

No wonder we lose confidence in our abilities and get anxious and depressed. The way autisitic people are treated at work is scandalous. It is so difficult to achieve any kind of legal redress - employment tribunal records relating to autism show just how tricky this is. 

While employers are able to behave badly with impunity what hope do we have? It is distressing to see good, honest, decent autistic people being treated with such contempt. (End of rant). 

I meant to say you would hate the first employer.

You would hate the first employee. They only got rid of me with the three months notice because I got incriminating written evidence of their behaviour towards me. I think they panicked and got rid. I did ask for feedback from both places of work and I was ignored until the very last day at the second place. The first place told me the opposite of what had been decided about my performance on the previous month's annual review. Oh the stupidity. They didn't even bother to give a believable background support story. And yes it was one of those places where everyone is smiling, fake happy and is drunk on the Kool aid