Exhausted from social interaction and not wanting to interact with others

‘I feel frustrated when someone speaks to me, I am polite to people and pretend I'm interested however deep down I wish they would leave me be because socialising tires me out’ ~ it’s perfectly ok to want to look after yourself and to keep to only a small number of people to spend time with. I currently spend all my time by myself, because that’s what I’ve needed due to a burn out. 

You don’t have to explain yourself to anybody but neither do you have to tell lies by putting on a false persona of pretending to be interested in them when you’re not. 

That’s unkind on them and you. If you can’t tell a person you can’t engage with them right now, write it out on a piece of card and carry it with you, so when you come across somebody who wants to speak you you, and you don’t want to speak to them, just show them the card.

My autism worker gave me a bracelet. One of those rubber things. One side is green and says I’m happy to talk and the other is red and says please leave me alone. So when I don’t want to speak or can’t reliably have a conversation, I show people the red side and they leave me be. 

How is anybody to know that you want to be left alone if you’re pretending to like them and enjoy their company? 

‘My boyfriend has been spending far far too much time with his parents, they are nice people but SOOO annoying!! His dad is very grumpy. His mum is such an over the top extrovert, everything has to be HER way and she's always taking photos of us every 2 seconds to show off on facebook and I am sick of it. I can't stand extroverts I'm sorry.

And I am feeling more distressed because my mum keeps pressuring me to organise a get together with my boyfriend's parents and I don't want to. I simply cannot cope with big family get-togethers, I'm sorry but I am really not interested in them’ ~ 

How do you know your boyfriend is spending too much time with his parents? What’s the cut off point? Three hours a week, four or maybe just 15 minutes per week would be the correct amount of time he should spend there? And who gets to decided how much time is ok for him and how much is too much? And who monitors it?

His parents aren’t annoying, per se, it is simply that you feel annoyed in their company because you would prefer not to be. But you would rather pretend you do want to be there instead of being brave enough to tell them that you need to not be around too many people just now. Don’t project your anger on to other people, or you’ll never solve your dilemmas. 

‘I have to go to a family birthday party next weekend and I am anxious as hell!! I've made too many "I'm ill" excuses to get out of them in the past and I know I can't get out of this one’ ~ yes you can. You can simply be honest. Tell them you’re autistic and as such, these types of occasions are difficult at the best of times and right now, is not the best of times and I’m really sorry, I really appreciate the invitation, but I’m going to have to decline in order to look after myself. I wish you all a lovely time. 

‘my grandparents are so rude and tactless and say blunt and hurtful things’ ~ sounds like they could be on the spectrum. It sounds like typical autistic behaviour. 

‘And they will be sucking up to my sister the whole time’ ~ like you suck up to them, pretending you like their company while all the time you’re secretly hating it? 

‘It sucks because my family look down on me for my diagnosis, so most of the time I've tried to wind them up even more by rebelling and doing things I know would make them absolutely furious as a means of coping’ ~ that’s sad that they look down on you, it must be a confused mind that thinks it is better than another person. It’s also sad that you don’t try and show them who you are, so they have a chance of getting to know you, and instead you treat them very badly and give them the impression that you’re not a very nice person. Which isn’t true, but that’s how it appears to a nt person. 

‘They resent me so I resent them back’ ~ how is that tactic working out for you? 

‘How on earth do I cope at all these GOD AWFUL family meet ups eurgh’ ~ you simply don’t go.  You find the courage and strength to honour yourself and say no, I’m not going. Most of us need support to do this, so seek out some support. 

‘I honestly don't mean to sound ungrateful for my family -but you can't help it when they are so rude and disrespectful especially towards my diagnosis’ ~ maybe they think you’re rude and disrespectful according to how they view your behaviour towards them? 

It sounds like you need some support, like most of us, with our self esteem and to learn how to go about saying no to people. Contact the NAS helpline to see if they can point you in the right direction. Your family may never change, but you can change, you can find the courage to say no. 

Good luck. I’m still learning and so far my best tactic has been to never talk to a single soul so I’m never in the position of having to say no! Lol! It’s working out though. Without the constant mind attack and stress of trying to say no, I can see clearer and I’m working out ways of not being in the position of doing things I don’t want to do just because I can’t say no or I don’t know what else to do! If that makes sense! Lol! It’s a work in progress :) 

‘I feel frustrated when someone speaks to me, I am polite to people and pretend I'm interested however deep down I wish they would leave me be because socialising tires me out’ ~ it’s perfectly ok to want to look after yourself and to keep to only a small number of people to spend time with. I currently spend all my time by myself, because that’s what I’ve needed due to a burn out. 

You don’t have to explain yourself to anybody but neither do you have to tell lies by putting on a false persona of pretending to be interested in them when you’re not. 

That’s unkind on them and you. If you can’t tell a person you can’t engage with them right now, write it out on a piece of card and carry it with you, so when you come across somebody who wants to speak you you, and you don’t want to speak to them, just show them the card.

My autism worker gave me a bracelet. One of those rubber things. One side is green and says I’m happy to talk and the other is red and says please leave me alone. So when I don’t want to speak or can’t reliably have a conversation, I show people the red side and they leave me be. 

How is anybody to know that you want to be left alone if you’re pretending to like them and enjoy their company? 

‘My boyfriend has been spending far far too much time with his parents, they are nice people but SOOO annoying!! His dad is very grumpy. His mum is such an over the top extrovert, everything has to be HER way and she's always taking photos of us every 2 seconds to show off on facebook and I am sick of it. I can't stand extroverts I'm sorry.

And I am feeling more distressed because my mum keeps pressuring me to organise a get together with my boyfriend's parents and I don't want to. I simply cannot cope with big family get-togethers, I'm sorry but I am really not interested in them’ ~ 

How do you know your boyfriend is spending too much time with his parents? What’s the cut off point? Three hours a week, four or maybe just 15 minutes per week would be the correct amount of time he should spend there? And who gets to decided how much time is ok for him and how much is too much? And who monitors it?

His parents aren’t annoying, per se, it is simply that you feel annoyed in their company because you would prefer not to be. But you would rather pretend you do want to be there instead of being brave enough to tell them that you need to not be around too many people just now. Don’t project your anger on to other people, or you’ll never solve your dilemmas. 

‘I have to go to a family birthday party next weekend and I am anxious as hell!! I've made too many "I'm ill" excuses to get out of them in the past and I know I can't get out of this one’ ~ yes you can. You can simply be honest. Tell them you’re autistic and as such, these types of occasions are difficult at the best of times and right now, is not the best of times and I’m really sorry, I really appreciate the invitation, but I’m going to have to decline in order to look after myself. I wish you all a lovely time. 

‘my grandparents are so rude and tactless and say blunt and hurtful things’ ~ sounds like they could be on the spectrum. It sounds like typical autistic behaviour. 

‘And they will be sucking up to my sister the whole time’ ~ like you suck up to them, pretending you like their company while all the time you’re secretly hating it? 

‘It sucks because my family look down on me for my diagnosis, so most of the time I've tried to wind them up even more by rebelling and doing things I know would make them absolutely furious as a means of coping’ ~ that’s sad that they look down on you, it must be a confused mind that thinks it is better than another person. It’s also sad that you don’t try and show them who you are, so they have a chance of getting to know you, and instead you treat them very badly and give them the impression that you’re not a very nice person. Which isn’t true, but that’s how it appears to a nt person. 

‘They resent me so I resent them back’ ~ how is that tactic working out for you? 

‘How on earth do I cope at all these GOD AWFUL family meet ups eurgh’ ~ you simply don’t go.  You find the courage and strength to honour yourself and say no, I’m not going. Most of us need support to do this, so seek out some support. 

‘I honestly don't mean to sound ungrateful for my family -but you can't help it when they are so rude and disrespectful especially towards my diagnosis’ ~ maybe they think you’re rude and disrespectful according to how they view your behaviour towards them? 

It sounds like you need some support, like most of us, with our self esteem and to learn how to go about saying no to people. Contact the NAS helpline to see if they can point you in the right direction. Your family may never change, but you can change, you can find the courage to say no. 

Good luck. I’m still learning and so far my best tactic has been to never talk to a single soul so I’m never in the position of having to say no! Lol! It’s working out though. Without the constant mind attack and stress of trying to say no, I can see clearer and I’m working out ways of not being in the position of doing things I don’t want to do just because I can’t say no or I don’t know what else to do! If that makes sense! Lol! It’s a work in progress :)