Published on 12, July, 2020
There have been lots of posts lately about Christmas. I quite like Christmas and find it quite manageable. New Year however, I find much harder.
The last few years I've just stayed in by myself to avoid it but have felt myself feeling really quite upset and lonely especially seeing everyone's pictures on social media of them enjoying bringing it in with their loved ones. I know I should avoid looking but I can't resist.
I'd happily see in the new year with a small group of friends. Food, a few drinks and some games. This would be my perfect new year. I don't know anyone that would want to bring in the new year like this though.
I have the option this year of going to the pub with a couple of friends but I know the pub will be really busy on New Years Eve and I would just hate it. I'm not a big drinker either. I've tried going to the pub for New Year before and just sat in the corner wishing the hours away.
I don't really have any close friends so it's difficult to explain to people why I wouldn't want to bring in New Year the same way as them and I certainly don't want to ruin anyone else's fun.
My parents have a group of friends that take it in turns to host New Year so I can't go to them either.
I really hate New Year after New Year being me bringing it in alone. I like me time and not spending too much time with people but I really wish I had a good friend or 2 I could share these times with and would understand the difficulties I have with them.
How do other people cope with this time of year?
Much the same as you, I put up with feeling left out because unable to deal with nerve-jangling alternatives.
Most of the time I really don't mind being autistic. And am quite happy living a quieter life than most. But times like this I really wish I could just put it all aside and go and enjoy myself like everyone else. But I know it wouldn't go well if I did and I'd come home feeling worse.
I really know what you mean. I do think some of it is just the stigma - I hate the idea that people are feeling sorry for me. I do get invites for Christmas and New Year but usually to big parties where there would just be too many people I don't know and too much noise and stress. I have a couple of close friends and I get on with some of my family - but they tend to be involved in family or something too noisy for me at Christmas and New Year - or their spouse doesn't want me around etc. Also I think these things are full of weird undercurrents and I'm completely awkward. I often feel like I'm 'spoiling it' for everyone by not 'getting' it - I don't know how to play. The whole thing is worse than just staying at home.
I don't know, having friends doesn't help with this kind of thing - they have other people in their lives they 'answer' to - even if they do understand your difficulties, they can't do anything to help around things like New Year. And, actually, I suspect they'd rather be around people who're more comfortable with a 'festive' attitude. We're such a small proportion of the general population it's hard to make friends in one's age group and locality who share the problems - and I even have a few AS friends - two are in couples and go to family for these festivals, one is much younger and hangs out with housemates.
It is what it is <sigh> - I do find this forum a bit comforting though.
Have an answer ready, something like ~ I’ll be having a fabulous time, thank you, in my own autistic way, although I look forward to the time when the barriers have started to recede and I will be able to enjoy myself with other people instead of making the best of the situation, i.e. autistic isolation!
Best I can say is it gets better as I get older ...
Yes I think you've summed it up really well. And I definitely agree about it being to do with the stigma. I just hate it when people say what are you doing for New Year and I never have an answer. I'll be ok when it's over. I'm just feeling sorry for myself tonight. I always feel very down between Christmas being over and New Year.