Do you work?

My record for failed interviews is 28 in one year.  

These personal type interviews by HR professionals are institutionalised bias against Autistics because they  want normal well balanced individuals who can fit into the corporate structure.

We are almost the exact opposite.

I used to create a false persona for interviews - it put the ball in my court so if I was offered the job I could decide if I wanted it or not.

It worked so well that I've been offered every job I've been interviewed for.

Plus overall I always knew that I wasn't going to fit their idea of the "right" type person for the job.  I could see other graduates who I thought fitted the bill and I eventually started getting through interviews by imagining what they would say, how they might hold themselves and how they'd dress.  Then I simply stepped into that persona.

Of course, once "Pretend Jenny" actually got the job, there were consequences.  The employers wondered how on earth they'd managed to get someone who was basically very nervous on the phone, reluctant and often silent in meetings and phobic about driving or doing presentations!

Yes, I sort of feel that throughout my education the messages that qualifications were critical and that if you worked hard you'd get a "good job" were instilled. 

I really think I should have reflected on what a "good job" actually meant to me and considered my personality profile, but the only time I can remember this being mentioned was when I was about to graduate and I realised that there was no way I could do one of those full day recruitment assessments.   It truly felt as though I was falling from the educational conveyor belt into a big black nothingness.  

I 'm not sure why it didn't occur to me at an earlier stage.  I suppose I thought that I'd done everything that was asked of me and now some new requirements had suddenly been dreamt up.  

I think a bit of me knew, though.  There was probably a shadow side to my choice to stay in higher education for so long and in this shadow lurked a huge fear of the adult world, other people and work in particular.  It's clear to me now that career-wise this was a recipe for disaster.  

Personality counts for a lot.

Many years ago after I left university, I attended a graduate recruitment full day assessment at the Barclays Bank computer centre, I passed all the technical and psychometric tests.  Finally an interview with the HR department, and we were warned this was separate from all the previous tests and we had to show that we were the RIGHT type of people for the bank.  I failed it of course.

Keep reflecting on this subject because it's really dogged me over the years.  Since my diagnosis in October, memories keep coming back.  One in particular.  I was once pushed straight to the top of the redundancy list on the back of an informal reference from someone at board level with whom I'd hardly ever worked.  I was the systems accountant and she was in a more strategic, decision-making role.  Her damning comment was that I "keep myself to myself".  And the employer seemed to favour extroverts, as usual.  No matter that my role actually required me to mostly stay within the finance department and act as technical support.  I wonder whether, if I'd been diagnosed at the time, this might have given me some protection?  Certainly the accountancy qualification only seemed to help very little and I felt judged on my personality.  :(   

Oh God, been there! Usually I just leave because knowing my reactions/judgment are off just makes me feel worse (horribly conspicuous) and contributes to the problems and the meltdowns in a vicious circle. Any chance of going p/t and/or getting a couple of weeks off (holiday or see GP) to recharge a bit?

I've now disclosed in my present job as things were getting out of hand tintal - I have found people don't interpret me so harshly and are more understanding, it's definitely made things a lot easier - I was thinking I'd have to leave but I think I might be OK now.

I'm down to 3 years but I started feeling like this about 8 years ago - I did get signed off with clinical depression for 2 years after I left academia and it was bad enough then - I do think it's probably worse to try to get disability benefits at the moment.

Then I accidentally changed what I do about 3 years ago by not understanding a job advert then getting offered it - and ended up with a job I could do at home completely by accident. Now I prioritise jobs that let me work at home and it's probably cut the stress by half. I'm not sure about stuff like proofreading, don't know how much of that 'traditional' freelance stuff is still around - I used Timewise jobsite which has part-time work and some of it you can also do at home. I've had 2 jobs running policy projects where I can work at home because it's national/non-geographic - but also some menial box-ticking stuff done in online interfaces at home for peanuts. I'm frugal enough that I can live on p/t - but social housing helps.

I also really like the idea of citizen's wage Jenny Butterfly but have been looking into it and I'm a bit worried that they plan to replace a whole range of benefits with an income which isn't enough to live on. It'd work as long as there's plenty of p/t or freelance stuff around.

Sometimes I revolve plans in my head for setting up a work-at-home job agency for AS people . . . Maybe when I'm on the pension form of citizens' wage . . .

Editing is really stressful, pressured and needs a lot of decisions and people freak out at you all the time. I prefer proofing, I used to proof for Elsevier in English but that was years ago and proofing work was easy to find then. It seems there are fewer and fewer jobs of the kind that you can do freelance without talking to anyone . . . I know a couple of people who make a living from LinkedIn but neither is AS.

I got bullied very seriously from day 1 of the job I've now been in for a year but they finally did deal with the problem - I though I was going to have to get another job within 3 weeks of arriving but it's settled down since the worst bully has now gone. The chaos I'm supposed to deal with is appalling. I've got a lot of crap to go back to after Christmas and the usual level of bullying, shambles, and stress - but I'm having 2 weeks off to recharge a bit first.

I'm doing policy now and it surprised me to find several colleagues across different orgs I work with who're also diagnosed AS - policy has a high nerd quotient.  I can't cope with offices, this job tried to make me work in a huge open plan nightmare but I stuck out for working at home and they agreed it (having offered it in the job advert). Yay for arts and non-profit sector without which I would have starved in a ditch.

My work involves quite a lot of travelling and this is one of the most stressful aspects, and by the time I've recovered from one trip, there's another in the pipeline. But I find if I can work at home p/t I can factor in enough down-time to recharge a bit (3 days on, 4 days off) and avoid getting completely overwhelmed. I've also worked out all kinds of systems for reducing anxiety and panic attacks whilst travelling.

I sort of make my living from other people's chaos, I used to consult on technology strategy and now I run online policy networks and strategic planning. I have an NT friend who explains the the stupid mind games people are playing at work so I can get through it better - although I still go into panic 20 times a day. I just find the small 'p' politics build up to unbearable after about 18 months and I just can't seem to recharge any more. Finally, my judgment can end up going all over the road cos I'm just too stressed to process anything.

I think it's a bit easier to cope in less menial jobs because the bullying is much worse on lower rungs. I now have enough standing to be able to sort out some of the chaos and make systems less idiotic.

Thank God I already have social housing and I should be able to manage when they finally let me retire - and can probably do some freelancing to top it up. 

I hope you manage to get some rest before you have to move to another job . . .

Zomted said:

Mostly when it involves interaction with colleagues!

Yes.  It would be easier interacting with hostile aliens from a far-distant galaxy!  I simply don't speak their language.

Yes... I've found that.  I'm the same - off work with work-related stress, and directly related to my condition.  My employers are doing what they can - and they need to, being an autism charity.  But their options aren't really fixes for me.  I need to get out.

I'm pretty much the same.  Over the last 10 years, my average time in a job has been under two years.  I don't have any pension pot, either.  When my time comes (hopefully, by then, I'll be in social housing), I know I'll have no option but to claim some form of support.  My mother had housing benefit, income support and - more latterly - attendance allowance.  I live very simply and frugally, so it shouldn't be too much of a problem.

Like you, too, I'd be happy with my condition if I had financial independence.

I'm now in limbo - sick from my job because of bullying and waiting to hear if I've got another job at a local FE college.  If so, then at least I'll get the long holidays for a recharge.  And the environment seems more congenial to me than the day centre where I currently work, which - aside from the service users - is a total shambles.  I've also been shortlisted for an admin job with a care charity where I used to work (on the front line) and was happy.  I'm wary of venturing back into an office role, though - for the reasons Emma has mentioned.  It's nearby, which will take out the stress of traveling.  But I was so glad to leave my last office job, 13 years ago.  Office politics, sedentary work, etc. 

If nothing comes up with either of them, then I can't see myself going back to my current job.  It's ruined for me now.  I'll just play it out until they let me go.  I'd sooner that than put up with the ongoing stresses of bullying and institutional incompetence.

Hi. Tintal,

i disclosed my problems and symptoms to my manager today in a meeting, I’m currently off work with depression and anxiety caused by work issues. My manager was very understanding, and said he will do what he can to help me feel more comfortable at work, once I’m ready to return. I’m a HGV lorry driver. I think it does pay to be open about our condition, people are more understanding than we expect them to be.

Sadly it isn't possible to do a science PhD without being a team-player now. I'm at the stage where I feel it's necessary to disclose my ASD to team-mates now, at the moment they view me as an un-friendly outsider. On the one hand I am reticent to tell them because I don't know or trust them much, but on the other I think they would not judge me so harshly if they knew I was struggling in specific ways. 

haha lists, my whole life is listed on post-it notes 

When I received my Diagnosis report in the post, there was a loose page at the back which was titled "How you can help <my name> at work". It was a list of about 8 bullet points of how my work/workplace can be modified to help suit my needs better to get the best out of me. When I showed it to my boss, he said very emphatically that this was really useful and this should be the first thing I show my new boss when I next change role.

I'll go see if I can find it, might be useful for others.

Edit: here it is

That is a good thing. Stability and being able to plan ahead can really reduce anxiety and stress. If things can be organised in a way that works for you, work pressures will be much more manageable and you will feel a lot more positive about your life. I hope the meeting with your boss goes well. Might be worth taking in a few notes about what would be helpful. I sometimes find it hard to remember everything I want to say so use lists a lot. Good luck! 

I went to the doctors yesterday and was signed off from work for anxiety and depression, this is caused by problems at work due to my symptoms. Have a meeting with the boss today, he says he wants to make conditions more stable for me.