What were you like as a baby?

I'm a twin. My brother in NT. I was told I was an early walker & talker with an advanced vocabulary. I was glued to the telly with almost any data input (I still remember watching moon landings when I was 3). I tended to sit away from everyone behind the sofa and play on my own and wouldn't communicate unless it suited me. I loved the library and read any grown-up reference books with diagrams and pictures. Not remotely interested in story books - most of those could be summed up in a few lines - but a book on Saturn V rockets was way more interesting.

Having a twin meant I had a working model 24/7 to copy most behaviours so I was building a database of 'correct behaviours'. Twins are always thought of as a composite person 'the twins' so I was never considered on my own.

We started school at 4 and the teacher eventually told my parents that I should be going to a special school (I was incredibly advanced at an early age).

Unfortunately, soon after, we moved from Oop North to near London in 1972 when we were 6 and the new school had no challenges for me - the teachers were all newly qualified hippy-trippy sandle-wearers and I was streets ahead of everyone else so I learnt to skid through school getting top marks and doing practically no work. That was my undoing - lack of discipline and challenge meant I became lazy and skilled at figuring out the minimum levels of effort required to succeed. The only plus was that they had Lego. If I sped through the work and got 10/10 I was allowed to play with it - and as I was so far ahead, I got it all to myself and played alone. Win-win.

I realised I was very, very different to everyone else when I was about 12 - that's when I began to seriously mask and create a false user-interface that got me through life very successfully right up until my daughter was born - I then couldn't adapt fast enough as she grew. That led me to being diagnosed.

Oh my... that is almost me. Well, apart from the twin, lego and I was ahead in specific areas and a nuisance at school. Got punished a lot and even hit at one point.

My dad said I wanted to read adult literature at 8, but they tried stopping me.

I was always by myself in a corner with a book or wanting to do what I wanted, not pleasing anyone else (my aunt just said I was never listening, always doing my own thing).

I hit rock bottom when I turned out to be pregnant at 43, and just couldn't cope. Then the entire first year I struggled to keep up with her developments and changing schedule and I couldn't. It is a little easier now as she is so much into books and communicating. But sometimes she suddenly changes schedule and I am not fast to adapt.

Because of the amount of input we've given our daughter (i do all the science, my wife does all the humanities), she was very advanced too (she used to love to do mental arithmetic and algebra with me during bathtimes at 2 years old) so as her personality grew, I couldn't adapt.

A friend's wife is a teacher and one evening we were talking about it all and she mentioned that I seemed to have an awful lot of Asperger traits so I ended up being diagnosed 10 years ago at 42.

I now know why I behave/react the way I do so I spend a lot of brain power pretending to be as normal as possible - especially for her.

My daughter is at uni now so I'm finding it easier to interface to her as an adult.

One year I just refused to take part in the system to see what happened (multiple sign-offs required in a computerised system that would have kept a red-flag on the metrics dashboard for not being 100% completed, visible right to the very top of the company).

Nothing happened - I got a few hassling e-mails from HR and no-one ever followed it up.

Proof that the entire system was a waste of time.

I don't think I've ever worked anywhere where the performance appraisals and performance related pay/bonus scheme have ever really been a motivating factor for people.  But pretty much everywhere I've worked they've been a demotivating factor/waste of time.

I can see it might work for things like sales, but I'm not sure it really has the universal applicability that corps and HR depts. seem to think it does.

In my current job I spend a maximum of about 5 minutes a year on it just clicking buttons and putting in minimal amounts of text necessary to stop the hassling you get for not doing it.  It doesn't change anything, so TBH it's not really even worth the 5 minutes a year spent on it.

Those recurring obligatory appraisals (you've got to live the positiveness of that word) are complete and utter nonsense ofcourse. In the past I've so often said to a superior to just cut the positive start and please get down to the bottom of it. Which they find strange. I have no patience for BS *** that. We both know you're going to say something critical so PLEASE get to it.

I've got difficulty dealing with people who get stuck in some emotion and don't seem to care about any solution I have to offer. For me it's like: so you've got this problem - information - analysis - solution A, B, maybe C if you want. But please make some kind of decision. Please.

Yes - absolutely.

I hated the falsness of appraisals - you know they have already made their decisions so the talk is justifying whatever BS they've written to be able to not do what they promised last time.

I'm 100% practical - whatever problem occurs, then I work out the best/correct solution and move forward - emotions are just delays that waste time before the solution can be implemented. I find it frustrating that NTs have to go through a whole load of emotional steps before they can move forward. What's more annoying is when their emotions make them decide to do irrational things.

I think those performance talks are what they call 'bilateral conversations' over here. Which gives the impression you and your superior are actually on the same level and you give each other feedback. Which obviously is not the case as it is mostly a one way talk of superior evaluating you.

That whole feeling thing I can relate to. I notice it here on this forum as well. I can come up with practical advice, but rarely do the 'I feel sorry for you' thing. It also seems of little use.

My own diagnosis doesn't impress me, and if our daughter would be diagnosed it would just be a fact. I am quite practical in that way. Okay we have x, now where do we go and what are the options?

I don't worry about stuff like a diagnosis, I just want to gather data and see if I can make a match. Or where not exactly. Like the two pictures where you have to find differences or similarities whichever way you look at it. If that makes any sense at all ️

I think those performance talks are what they call 'bilateral conversations' over here. Which gives the impression you and your superior are actually on the same level and you give each other feedback. Which obviously is not the case as it is mostly a one way talk of superior evaluating you.

That whole feeling thing I can relate to. I notice it here on this forum as well. I can come up with practical advice, but rarely do the 'I feel sorry for you' thing. It also seems of little use.

My own diagnosis doesn't impress me, and if our daughter would be diagnosed it would just be a fact. I am quite practical in that way. Okay we have x, now where do we go and what are the options?

I don't worry about stuff like a diagnosis, I just want to gather data and see if I can make a match. Or where not exactly. Like the two pictures where you have to find differences or similarities whichever way you look at it. If that makes any sense at all ️

One year I just refused to take part in the system to see what happened (multiple sign-offs required in a computerised system that would have kept a red-flag on the metrics dashboard for not being 100% completed, visible right to the very top of the company).

Nothing happened - I got a few hassling e-mails from HR and no-one ever followed it up.

Proof that the entire system was a waste of time.

I don't think I've ever worked anywhere where the performance appraisals and performance related pay/bonus scheme have ever really been a motivating factor for people.  But pretty much everywhere I've worked they've been a demotivating factor/waste of time.

I can see it might work for things like sales, but I'm not sure it really has the universal applicability that corps and HR depts. seem to think it does.

In my current job I spend a maximum of about 5 minutes a year on it just clicking buttons and putting in minimal amounts of text necessary to stop the hassling you get for not doing it.  It doesn't change anything, so TBH it's not really even worth the 5 minutes a year spent on it.

Those recurring obligatory appraisals (you've got to live the positiveness of that word) are complete and utter nonsense ofcourse. In the past I've so often said to a superior to just cut the positive start and please get down to the bottom of it. Which they find strange. I have no patience for BS *** that. We both know you're going to say something critical so PLEASE get to it.

I've got difficulty dealing with people who get stuck in some emotion and don't seem to care about any solution I have to offer. For me it's like: so you've got this problem - information - analysis - solution A, B, maybe C if you want. But please make some kind of decision. Please.

Yes - absolutely.

I hated the falsness of appraisals - you know they have already made their decisions so the talk is justifying whatever BS they've written to be able to not do what they promised last time.

I'm 100% practical - whatever problem occurs, then I work out the best/correct solution and move forward - emotions are just delays that waste time before the solution can be implemented. I find it frustrating that NTs have to go through a whole load of emotional steps before they can move forward. What's more annoying is when their emotions make them decide to do irrational things.