Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi there
New to the forum. I had been seeing a psychotherapist as I considered myself 'highly sensitive' (as per the Elaine Aron definition). After a few sessions she told me she thought I had Aspergers, this was not an official diagnosis. I also volunteered for an EEG scan and the result showed markers for autism, again, not a diagnosis. Since then I have been looking at resources online to see ifI fit. The difficulty I have is knowing what is camouflaging and what is natural, and also, I am wary of seeking a label to excuse my behaviour.
My parents have told me that I am like my grandmother, neurotic and hormonally imbalanced, and that I need to learn not to take things seriously. I can see from their perspective and its what stops me from seeking a diagnosis, I don't know that I want official confirmation that there is nothing wrong and I should be able to cope. I do identify with the Tania Martial definition and Samantha Craft's, top 10 checklist, but (sorry) I can easily pick holes with some of these. the checklist https://everydayaspie.wordpress.com/2016/05/02/females-with-aspergers-syndrome-checklist-by-samantha-craft/, lists some things(Sharing intimate details, feeling isolation, questioning social norms etc etc. ) I used to discuss with my father who told me that this(these 'traits') were normal (obviously not anorexia or going off with strangers) and what everyone experiences, he said that I shouldn't obsess about such things. Essentially, life is difficult for everyone and obsessing about these things does not help you. Coming from a working class family this does seem logical, you need to keep your head down and work hard to get by.
I've looked at youtube video's and seen some young women diagnosed with AS that I do identify with, but also, from my parents perspective, they can appear as self involved, immature, and selfish. I do feel ashamed of being seen like that.
Has anyone come from this background and struggled with accepting their traits or diagnosis? Have you been called 'highly strung' or emotionally immature? What is your relationship like with your family after diagnosis?
I feel that a diagnosis (if it is confirmed) to explain my behavior will be seen as an excuse for not making an effort with people and being lazy. Sorry, this is a ramble, I just wanted to know if anyone else has had similar experience.
I think it gets regarded as 'emotional immaturity' because it differs so much from the way neurotypicals understand 'emotional maturity.'
For years, I thought I was emotionally immature. Now, I firmly believe that my emotions developed in a different way - the same as my perceptions and responses have led me to a view of the world which doesn't seem to tally with that of the majority of people I meet.
It doesn't mean I'm wrong. It means that they simply don't understand. Because, being in the majority, they don't need to.
Me three. My father died when I was quite young so I don't really remember what he was like (at least not without child sized rose tinted spectacles) but I'm fairly sure my mother has a similar problem to myself except she always looks to blame something/somebody else for everything. (Strongly suspected narc.)
Yes, I come from a working class background and was labelled "highly strung" within my family and also by one or two teachers. I also got called "weird" quite a lot.
I also have a longstanding interest in all things psychological, probably due to my own difficulties, beginning with Claire Weekes' "Self help for your nerves" in the seventies and including the work of Elaine Aron and Susan Cain in later years. I eventually also trained as a counsellor and throughout my training nobody even so much as mentioned the possibility of me being autistic. They actually thought of me as a very good, if somewhat academic, group member.
Problems have accrued over the years, though. Issues at work and at home and major difficulties coping with a wide variety of tasks such as driving or speaking in front of even quite small groups. I also got made redundant 3 times, once being told that I "keep myself to myself" which is not seen as terribly helpful in the workplace.
Anyway, last month I got a definite diagnosis of autism. I queried it. What about this what about that? But I only did this so's i could know I am finally on solid ground as regards my traits, my strengths and difficulties. And also so's I could finally make some sense of issues that have been in my family for generations.
So far, though, I've only told my mother. It's quite a big deal as i come from a large family with lots of aunts, uncles and cousins, some of whom have clearly also struggled over the years. I'm taking my time as I expect major ripples to radiate out when I do decide to tell them all.
Definitely worth doing though. To me it's a matter of identity - not just my own but my family's too
Thanks, there is some benefit to knowing I am not alone. I do think it’s all about perspective and making allowances for everyone, Easier said.
Being highly strung? Neurotic? Taking things too seriously?
Yep.
I got slammed by family for being self involved and the like too. And as far as the school went, maladjusted. At worst, a bit crazy.
Great!