Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi there
New to the forum. I had been seeing a psychotherapist as I considered myself 'highly sensitive' (as per the Elaine Aron definition). After a few sessions she told me she thought I had Aspergers, this was not an official diagnosis. I also volunteered for an EEG scan and the result showed markers for autism, again, not a diagnosis. Since then I have been looking at resources online to see ifI fit. The difficulty I have is knowing what is camouflaging and what is natural, and also, I am wary of seeking a label to excuse my behaviour.
My parents have told me that I am like my grandmother, neurotic and hormonally imbalanced, and that I need to learn not to take things seriously. I can see from their perspective and its what stops me from seeking a diagnosis, I don't know that I want official confirmation that there is nothing wrong and I should be able to cope. I do identify with the Tania Martial definition and Samantha Craft's, top 10 checklist, but (sorry) I can easily pick holes with some of these. the checklist https://everydayaspie.wordpress.com/2016/05/02/females-with-aspergers-syndrome-checklist-by-samantha-craft/, lists some things(Sharing intimate details, feeling isolation, questioning social norms etc etc. ) I used to discuss with my father who told me that this(these 'traits') were normal (obviously not anorexia or going off with strangers) and what everyone experiences, he said that I shouldn't obsess about such things. Essentially, life is difficult for everyone and obsessing about these things does not help you. Coming from a working class family this does seem logical, you need to keep your head down and work hard to get by.
I've looked at youtube video's and seen some young women diagnosed with AS that I do identify with, but also, from my parents perspective, they can appear as self involved, immature, and selfish. I do feel ashamed of being seen like that.
Has anyone come from this background and struggled with accepting their traits or diagnosis? Have you been called 'highly strung' or emotionally immature? What is your relationship like with your family after diagnosis?
I feel that a diagnosis (if it is confirmed) to explain my behavior will be seen as an excuse for not making an effort with people and being lazy. Sorry, this is a ramble, I just wanted to know if anyone else has had similar experience.
I was thinking about your thread. If you get diagnosed it is not an excuse but an explanation.
If I'd been diagnosed in my teens, I wouldn't have struggled with desperately trying to be someone I am not. I only got diagnosed this year - I am 44, after a severe breakdown.
Had I been diagnosed I wouldn't have attempted to be super social and outgoing and feeling totally unhappy during the attempts. I definitely would have been less confused, would probably have had issues with being 'labelled', but I would have had more understanding and wouldn't have made decisions I couldn't handle (like going on an exchange year and crashing after three months and not knowing why and feeling like a failure). I would have had a more suitable career path too.
Hope this makes any sense.
I wouldn't see it closely connected to your background. My parents were a mix of well-off and poor working class and just wanted me to adjust and get on with it. They also didn't want me to cost them too much of their time. They just wanted to be normal, and I can also see the benefits of that approach.