• Replies 8 replies
  • Subscribers 82 subscribers
  • Views 3555 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Scared and exhausted

Ben

Hi everyone

I'm just writing here because I'm not really okay and I need contact with people who possibly understand how I am reacting to my situation.

I am being evicted (landlord selling) and have been trying really hard to cope with it. I don't want to move, it was a complete shock and I'm scared. People have been helping me and I've tried really hard to trust and to let people speak about my difficulties to a lot of different professionals but after going to the council and having a melt down I just feel drained and feel like I don't want to do anything anymore.

I have had to freely give out my autism reports, medical history and personal history to strangers in the hope that they're trying to help and nothing is happening. People helping me have done referrals to a few places but the longer all these decisions take the more I have felt my anxiety around it all increasing. I've tried to tell people, I hoped I could keep holding it in but instead I feel like I have collapsed inside and I am finding it difficult to speak.

It isn't that I don't want to carry on trying to find somewhere because I do want to and I know it's important but it feels like my brain is forcing me to take a break from it when there's no time to take a break. I know I will need to move but I think a combination of not wanting everything to change and constant appointments is really affecting me now.

I have been told to rest up this weekend ready for next week, and that things might be tough for the next few weeks but I really really don't think I can do it. I have another meeting at the council next week but I don't want to go. I realise they are the correct people to go to but when I went last week the person I was seeing seemed genuinely surprised that an individual with autism might not be able to speak and break down and cry and I felt ashamed of myself. Luckily someone was with me to explain, but it made me feel worse. We couldn't complete the meeting and need to try again but I can't. I feel like I am letting everyone down, but I also feel like I have no control over it.

I hope that makes a bit of sense even though it's rambling. I just needed to express some feelings. I'm worried I might be having a bit of an inside meltdown that I really hope is gone by Monday.

Thank you :)

  • in reply to Former Member

    Hi, yes I am aware that resources are limited but that doesn't mean he should be allowed to treat me unfairly and dismiss my autism. He has left me in a situation where once the bailiffs come to evict me, unless social services can help, I will be on the street because I can't afford to rent privately. If I didn't have autism and support needs, I'd be able to access emergency accommodation and give myself more time to have a plan.

    I haven't done anything to antagonise him. I have hardly said a word to him. the first appointment I had a meltdown and couldn't speak, and last week I just let the support worker speak and I barely spoke at all. The support worker agrees that he seemed to poorly understand and ignored my difficulties, and if that is due to training issues it needs to be addressed by them, whether or not they are under pressure.

    It's not my fault I am being evicted. My home is being sold and I don't want to be on the street just to take pressure off the council.

  • Former Member
    Former Member in reply to Ben

    Have you considered that the council staff may also be in a difficult situation and are trying to manage things the best way they know how?  After the 80s when the govt. brought in "right to buy" most councils lost a large percentage of their housing stock and were, I believe, limited in building more.  So they may be in a difficult situation themselves, and I'm fairly sure in an ideal world they'd prefer to be much more helpful, but they have to try and manage a fairly restricted resource probably under considerable pressure.

    Be careful you don't antagonise the council staff, or if you've already done so make an effort to sincerely apologise, and explain that anything you said was just due to stress and your autism.  In this situation you need these people to help you.  If you go out of your way to make them dislike you, then there will be plenty of perfectly acceptable ways within their processes and procedures for them to make things difficult for you.  Whereas what you're really looking for is for them to try and see what they might be able to cook up to help you.  People don't tend to go that little extra mile for people who have annoyed them...

  • in reply to Sunflower

    Thank you Sunflower. Yes I do have a good person helping me from a homeless service, he  has come with me to all my appointments so far. Shelter have said the council are doing something called gatekeeping so it isn't just me they do this to, but it's an appalling way to treat people.

    I called the autism helpline and they sent some information to give to the council worker, but he just ignored everything from them and health professionals and said that he has not seen any evidence that i might be priority even though he has been given a lot of evidence. He wont even consider priority.

    I think he is being either dishonest or not trained properly or just ignoring my autism so that he does not have to help but I cannot prove any of that. We are going to make a complaint about the way he has spoken to me and dismissed my difficulties when I feel strong enough.

    I have also been referred to social services and supported housing but they are not being helpful either!

    I need to keep trust in the people helping me but it's been going on for months and it's just horrible and I feel like they're being cruel and I'm not sure what I have done wrong. I don't have the energy to mask any part of my autism any more though so may be they will listen when I have a huge meltdown. I'm also going to try and speak with my GP as he is very good and helpful.

  • in reply to Ben

    So sorry to hear things are still really difficult - it might be worth contacting your MP. Sometimes when they get involved things get sorted out. 

    I am sure you have already contacted housing / homelessness advice services, just in case here are links:

    Homeless Link
    www.homeless.org.uk/.../shelters-free-housing-advice-helpline

    Crisis
    www.crisis.org.uk/.../

    Shelter
    england.shelter.org.uk/get_help

    Have you contacted the National Autistic Society helpline to see what advice they can offer? 

  • in reply to Sunflower

    Thanks for your support everyone.

    I have been to the council again and didn't cry as much this time but they said the council can't provide emergency accommodation because my needs are too high for their accommodation but also I am not a priority for them so it's all a bit tricky.

    Right now is one of the times when I either hate having Asperger's or I hate that the world's understanding of it is terrible Disappointed

  • So sorry to hear about the difficult situation you are in and the stress you are having trying to sort it out. 

    I know how horrible it feels to be overwhelmed by everything, not to be able to cope in meetings, and to break down and cry. It's a natural and understandable response to intense pressure.

    Try not to feel bad about this. You had every right to get upset. Your mind and body need time to recover so try and soothe yourself with something calming if you can. 

  • I'm sorry you're having such a rubbish time and it is a horrible feeling being scared and worried! Like @bagpuss7 said feel free to ramble away!  You should not feel ashamed of yourself! It is not your fault and actually it may be the people are not informed of how to react to someone going through what you are. If it helps take someone you are comfortable around with you to the meeting next week. Or write down a few things that help communications better for the council people to know when they are dealing with you! 

    Try and just do something this weekend that helps you relax. 

    Hope you feel better soon ! 

  • feel free to ramble away to us folks on here!