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Newly diagnosed and annoyed

Traicee

I'm 34 and was diagnosed as autistic about 3 months ago.  I have not received any help or support at all other than being enrolled in a support group that was less than useless. It was essentially a group of people sitting around saying the stuff they struggle with. I already know what I struggle with , I want to know what I can do about it.

Even this website is useless unless you need a carer or something. If you manage to work full time, despite the fact it makes you horribly depressed and anxious all the time, you're expected to just deal with it. There is no help or support in place at all.

I'm fed up with struggling, I want to know what to. I'm beginning to think that getting a diagnosis was a massive waste of time, it hasn't changed anything. I mean, at least now I know why I've been having trouble all my life, but I'm still no closer to actually getting any help.

I'm genuinely stuck. I've been told that masking is part of the reason that I struggle so much with my mental health. But what on earth am I supposed to do? Drop the mask and be unable to function in "normal society "? 

Any help/advice appreciated 

Parents

  • Welcome, Traicee.

    Yes, sadly, help for autistic adults seems to be very much only for those with the severest learning disabilities, except for the peer-to-peer support in places like this.

    Zomted said:
    What I mean is giving myself full permission to be real ASD me outside of work/public and to make sure I have plenty of down time to do just that.

    I agree a lot with this. Masking doesn't have to be an all-or-nothing thing, and it really does help to take the pressure off yourself to do it whenever possible, even if it can't be always. It took me quite a while after my diagnosis before I realised how much I was censoring my own behaviour even when I was alone - I'd give myself a really hard time for stimming, pacing, talking to myself, or getting too immersed in my interests. But those are things that we do because our brains know instinctively that they help to relieve stress and anxiety, so it's very beneficial to allow ourselves to do them,

    Likewise around other people; you don't have to lift the mask completely, but over time can find compromises when you're around people who you know are open-minded. For example; with some friends and family, I don't force myself to do eye-contact like I used to, because it is such a distraction from listening. I still wouldn't stim in front of them, but with a little explanation from me, I've been able to slowly pick up a few little compromises like this from people.

    Masking is just a tool, and like any tool, there's nothing wrong with using it when it's the right tool for the job, but it makes a mess of things when it isn't. The important thing is not so much whether you do it or not, or when, or who with, but that you are the one in control - not feeling that you "should" do it, but that you "choose" to do it when it might be the easiest solution. Lack of feeling in control is a big part of depression, so feeling that you can "let go" sometimes, even if only when hidden away in a sanctuary, really does help.

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  • Welcome, Traicee.

    Yes, sadly, help for autistic adults seems to be very much only for those with the severest learning disabilities, except for the peer-to-peer support in places like this.

    Zomted said:
    What I mean is giving myself full permission to be real ASD me outside of work/public and to make sure I have plenty of down time to do just that.

    I agree a lot with this. Masking doesn't have to be an all-or-nothing thing, and it really does help to take the pressure off yourself to do it whenever possible, even if it can't be always. It took me quite a while after my diagnosis before I realised how much I was censoring my own behaviour even when I was alone - I'd give myself a really hard time for stimming, pacing, talking to myself, or getting too immersed in my interests. But those are things that we do because our brains know instinctively that they help to relieve stress and anxiety, so it's very beneficial to allow ourselves to do them,

    Likewise around other people; you don't have to lift the mask completely, but over time can find compromises when you're around people who you know are open-minded. For example; with some friends and family, I don't force myself to do eye-contact like I used to, because it is such a distraction from listening. I still wouldn't stim in front of them, but with a little explanation from me, I've been able to slowly pick up a few little compromises like this from people.

    Masking is just a tool, and like any tool, there's nothing wrong with using it when it's the right tool for the job, but it makes a mess of things when it isn't. The important thing is not so much whether you do it or not, or when, or who with, but that you are the one in control - not feeling that you "should" do it, but that you "choose" to do it when it might be the easiest solution. Lack of feeling in control is a big part of depression, so feeling that you can "let go" sometimes, even if only when hidden away in a sanctuary, really does help.

Children
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