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Is ADHD really a separate thing or is it really just Autism?

Xanadu

Hello

I am newly diagnosed at 43 with both ASD and ADHD.

Steep learning curve for me.  I also have 6 neurodiverse children.  Some are ASD and some are ADHD.  Some are both.  All are one or the other or both.

So I have the luxury (yes it's a luxury) of seeing how neurodiversity affects many people in many ways.  They are all different.

As a result of studying my children and also reflecting upon myself.  I have started to wonder if ASD and ADHD are actually two separate things or that actually the 'definition' of ASD is actually much wider and the docs have it wrong!  Cheeky of me I know to suggest that lots of doctors might be wrong (ducks for cover).

So my kids diagnosed with ADHD only have all the ASD markers (if you like) they just have better eye contact and appear to have better social skills.  In ADHD, Lot's of talking can appear like 'social skills' but often it is not very social at all.  Being able to make friends fairly easily but those friendships ending quickly or ending in disaster is not necessarily indicative of no impairment in social skills!  Actually though they are just much better at masking than some of my children who present more typically as Autistic.  I wonder then if there is an issue with the diagnostic threshold to be honest.

All of my ADHD kids have impairments in executive function, sensory issues (some severe), perception and mild issues with motor skills.  Language is fairly good though.  Too much language in fact which can be a difficulty in itself.

The "you can make eye contact, you cannot be Autistic" thing drives me nuts so I'm not even going to go there.  So many poor souls have been written off and are out there right now struggling with Autism because of this nonsense.  I can make eye contact myself, just that it hurts and I try not to or don't for long.  I am still Autistic.

So I'm interested in what other Autistics might think about this.  This is not just about children either.  I am speaking generally about people, adults and children.  

Is ADHD and ASD really two different things - or are they really both just Autism? What do you guys think?