I have a colleague I like, she seems patient and reasonable and nonjudgmental. But we are both introverts and kind of private, so we only speak about work-related things. I think we have secondary hobbies in common, and each has one primary hobby that the other one is indifferent about -- which is normal, I've seen other people be friends with less in common.
Twice, I worked up the courage to change the topic to something non-work related, a hobby or viewpoint that *I think* we share. In both cases, she did not answer. I was confused and embarressed about having missed her reply, and hesitated. Then she just changed the subject to something meaningless.
Every time it fails the same way, the conversation ends, and I don't know why. Were we mistakenly both waiting for the other one to say something? Did she not hear me acoustically? Was what I meant lost in translation? Was she annoyed by my attempt to be more personal, and politely ignored me? It could be anything.
I already read all those books and "survival guides" for Aspergers and I apply the advice. I must be partially successful, she is still talking to me (at work…), and at least she treats me normally, what else does one wish for.
I considered printing out NAS pages for her, to explain what the problem was, just to end the awkward confusion. I don't know what the "FAIL!" looked like from her point of view. (By the way, the NAS page recommends to keep first-time info short, so I'll probably just print the "triad…"?)
When she doesn't reply, what do I say? "Without any words, I can't tell what the answer is?" … "I assume your face is the answer, what does it say?" … "Is that silence-yes or silence-no?" … How do I say that politely? Has anyone succeeded in explaining that… whatever "that" is?
Honestly, all my friends are either geeks, on the spectrum, or (interestingly) face blind. I don't meet often with these friends, but we are fine with that. I never have communication problems with them, and they don't have any with me (as far as I know).
But she's an NT, I don't know what to expect. Not trying feels like a wasted opportunity. I am not an emotional or social person, so she would not get anything out of a friendship, I can't recommend myself as a friend. I just want to explain what the problem was earlier, I don't care, we don't have to be friends. It's plain stupid to fail at such a simple task of talking to someone. It's not like I'm trying to date her or anything complicated.
Any ideas how to clear this up?