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Failing to understand others

NAS39246

I have heard it said now that one of the major symptoms of Autism is failing to relate to, or understand others during communication.

Could anyone please be clearer and explain what exactly it is that they do not understand about others? And what they feel causes this inability to understand others?

Or, do you yourself feel that you do infact understand others, but the problem that causes you to act differently to how is generally accepted is something else, and that failure to understand others is infact attributed unfairlry towards you by misguided but well meaning professionals?

  • in reply to Rip Van Wrinkle

    Would you agree that the root problem with someone appearing not understanding the tone of someones voice is infact "not listening"? 

    I am sure in a situation where someone appears to not understand tones of voices or facial expressions is infact because they are understanding absolutely nothing atall as they are simply zoned out and not listening nor concentrating.

    And you asked me earlier if i knew anyone with Autism.. Yes, i do.. My ex wives Brother. He was 13 years old, far more street wise and intelligent in every sense than the average 13 year old aswell as twice as large.. But he did not show this intelligence at school, and he became a menace that bullied the other children and he was diagnosed Autistic by School social workers, much to the anger of my ex Wives family who say he was a completely different person outside of school and the school did not understand his real problems atall and completely misdiagnosed him while denting his confidence by giving him a label that many construe as meaning "retard".

  • in reply to Rip Van Wrinkle

    I am sure most of us listen very well. The fact you ‘don’t get it’ perhaps means you should stop trying, unless you have a very sound reason for wanting to understand. I don’t understand why taxi drivers can be so pushy on the road. They are not buses. And they think it’s okay to block bus lanes, stop in bus stops and stop on pedestrian crossings. But then I am sure that’s a minority of them do that. Nor do I think it’s sane to lob bottles of lucozade coloured liquid out of their taxis. But I do hope that is a minority too. Some of them are bonkers. But hey, it makes the world go round. 

  • in reply to NAS39246

    It’s really not a big issue at all. Have you issues with psychiatrists or psychologists? I personally don’t care what they say any more. I just take the positive. If you want a diagnosis take a few tests. It doesn’t get any advantages for adults, and for children it gets the support to some degree the family needs. Why the interest?

  • in reply to Rip Van Wrinkle

    Do you feel you understand others? I never thought it was an issue until i was made aware of what professionals wrote about Autistics, and i am struggling to understand who is mad, the Autistics or the professionals?

    I can understand to a certain degree why a person may be anxious, shy, scared, nervous, depressed etc, and can understand why a person sitting in the corner not saying anything and not reacting to others may look like they are in a world of their own.

    But i find it mind boggling why anyone would look at a person saying nothing, or over anxious, and think "That person does not understand my facial expressions. Or, does not understand the tone of my voice. Or, does not get jokes. Or, does not have intuition about others like i do". I think that is absolute bonkers!!

    I have seen many people sitting silent and anxious, but i am sure their route problems are not just failing to understand facial expressions etc.. I would say that understanding facial expressions and tones of voices would not be an issue if they had more confidence to carry themselves forward in a better mood. Really, understanding jokes, expressions, voices etc is not even that big a deal.

    That is my opinion.

    I personally may or may not understand others expressions. Tones of voices. But that is not an issues. So long as i am able to stand up, talk confident, chest out, socialise successfully then who cares whether i understand every intricate detail about a tone of voice or facial expression.. 

    I do however find it frightening that if i ever had a qiet moment or am thinking about problems at work, and not socialising to the best of my form, some plonker might get in to their kind well-meaning sweet head that i do not undertsand tones of voices or something !!

    p.s

    Surely the root cause of not understanding a tone of voice would actually be "NOT LISTENING"?

  • Hi again. Sometimes many of us don’t understand what someone else is meaning to say, due to our taking things literally. We can also joke about it. Eg What’s up? Sky! Because we learn the other meanings. Do you feel you understand others? Nobody understands everybody, after all. It’s just one facet (if that’s the right word) common in Autism. Do you know anyone close to you with any degree of autism? It is a spectrum, so if you meet one autistic then you’ve met one individual. Each person on the spectrum is a composite of various common traits plus individual ones. It’s what people are trying to say perhaps obliquely that I find hard to understand. I understand, or at least try to, many people. But I admit I could be wrong. Perhaps I should say that “I think I understand...”