Failing to understand others

Hi again. Sometimes many of us don’t understand what someone else is meaning to say, due to our taking things literally. We can also joke about it. Eg What’s up? Sky! Because we learn the other meanings. Do you feel you understand others? Nobody understands everybody, after all. It’s just one facet (if that’s the right word) common in Autism. Do you know anyone close to you with any degree of autism? It is a spectrum, so if you meet one autistic then you’ve met one individual. Each person on the spectrum is a composite of various common traits plus individual ones. It’s what people are trying to say perhaps obliquely that I find hard to understand. I understand, or at least try to, many people. But I admit I could be wrong. Perhaps I should say that “I think I understand...” 

Do you feel you understand others? I never thought it was an issue until i was made aware of what professionals wrote about Autistics, and i am struggling to understand who is mad, the Autistics or the professionals?

I can understand to a certain degree why a person may be anxious, shy, scared, nervous, depressed etc, and can understand why a person sitting in the corner not saying anything and not reacting to others may look like they are in a world of their own.

But i find it mind boggling why anyone would look at a person saying nothing, or over anxious, and think "That person does not understand my facial expressions. Or, does not understand the tone of my voice. Or, does not get jokes. Or, does not have intuition about others like i do". I think that is absolute bonkers!!

I have seen many people sitting silent and anxious, but i am sure their route problems are not just failing to understand facial expressions etc.. I would say that understanding facial expressions and tones of voices would not be an issue if they had more confidence to carry themselves forward in a better mood. Really, understanding jokes, expressions, voices etc is not even that big a deal.

That is my opinion.

I personally may or may not understand others expressions. Tones of voices. But that is not an issues. So long as i am able to stand up, talk confident, chest out, socialise successfully then who cares whether i understand every intricate detail about a tone of voice or facial expression.. 

I do however find it frightening that if i ever had a qiet moment or am thinking about problems at work, and not socialising to the best of my form, some plonker might get in to their kind well-meaning sweet head that i do not undertsand tones of voices or something !!

p.s

Surely the root cause of not understanding a tone of voice would actually be "NOT LISTENING"?

It’s really not a big issue at all. Have you issues with psychiatrists or psychologists? I personally don’t care what they say any more. I just take the positive. If you want a diagnosis take a few tests. It doesn’t get any advantages for adults, and for children it gets the support to some degree the family needs. Why the interest?

Your totally right about Autism. It’s a difference.

I cannot comment on a lad I don’t know. Con artists do come from all walks of life, though. So do the easily conned. There probably are some misdiagnosises in the big scheme of things, as with all branches of medicine and psychiatry. But that doesn’t make all assessments wrong. Personally, I thought psychiatrists are mental ....then I met one who actually helped. And if that makes me weak, who cares. It’s made me stronger in the long run. 

Nobody is right or wrong. Just different viewpoints. Goodnight. Keep an open mind. 

Pps. Autism is not retardation. I view it as quirky personalities! Perhaps your ex wife’s brother was relaxed at home, but heavily stressed at school, so behaved differently. Just a thought. 

I know him.

He was intelligent, talkative, intuitive, and could understand concepts that only adults understand.

However at school he was shy, and the school somehow got in to their heads weird things like he does not understand tones of voices, yet unlike in his home life, he would not stick up for himself at school, and allowed the school professionals to think these things about him.

It is however frustrating knowing that the nieve individuals are infact the school professionals that seem to think that his shyness at school equates to crazy things such as "facial expressions etc".

The lad was actually a highly advanced con artist, and con artists understand others perfectly well, and if you were to tell him he does not understand facial expressions his response would be "WTF do i care about facial expressions while walking away with their wallet".

Ps sorry I aired my views about some taxi drivers!!! Nothing personal. 

At last I can try to understand your views! I think I can understand how devastating it probably was for your family. The parents of children on this forum post here too and have problems such as these that they discuss on the forum. 

Thank you for answering my question regarding "listening".

I actually like hearing others points of view and am delighted when i am proven wrong!

Would you agree that the root problem with someone appearing not understanding the tone of someones voice is infact "not listening"? 

I am sure in a situation where someone appears to not understand tones of voices or facial expressions is infact because they are understanding absolutely nothing atall as they are simply zoned out and not listening nor concentrating.

And you asked me earlier if i knew anyone with Autism.. Yes, i do.. My ex wives Brother. He was 13 years old, far more street wise and intelligent in every sense than the average 13 year old aswell as twice as large.. But he did not show this intelligence at school, and he became a menace that bullied the other children and he was diagnosed Autistic by School social workers, much to the anger of my ex Wives family who say he was a completely different person outside of school and the school did not understand his real problems atall and completely misdiagnosed him while denting his confidence by giving him a label that many construe as meaning "retard".

Would you agree that the root problem with someone appearing not understanding the tone of someones voice is infact "not listening"? 

I am sure in a situation where someone appears to not understand tones of voices or facial expressions is infact because they are understanding absolutely nothing atall as they are simply zoned out and not listening nor concentrating.

And you asked me earlier if i knew anyone with Autism.. Yes, i do.. My ex wives Brother. He was 13 years old, far more street wise and intelligent in every sense than the average 13 year old aswell as twice as large.. But he did not show this intelligence at school, and he became a menace that bullied the other children and he was diagnosed Autistic by School social workers, much to the anger of my ex Wives family who say he was a completely different person outside of school and the school did not understand his real problems atall and completely misdiagnosed him while denting his confidence by giving him a label that many construe as meaning "retard".

Your totally right about Autism. It’s a difference.

I cannot comment on a lad I don’t know. Con artists do come from all walks of life, though. So do the easily conned. There probably are some misdiagnosises in the big scheme of things, as with all branches of medicine and psychiatry. But that doesn’t make all assessments wrong. Personally, I thought psychiatrists are mental ....then I met one who actually helped. And if that makes me weak, who cares. It’s made me stronger in the long run. 

Pps. Autism is not retardation. I view it as quirky personalities! Perhaps your ex wife’s brother was relaxed at home, but heavily stressed at school, so behaved differently. Just a thought. 

I know him.

He was intelligent, talkative, intuitive, and could understand concepts that only adults understand.

However at school he was shy, and the school somehow got in to their heads weird things like he does not understand tones of voices, yet unlike in his home life, he would not stick up for himself at school, and allowed the school professionals to think these things about him.

It is however frustrating knowing that the nieve individuals are infact the school professionals that seem to think that his shyness at school equates to crazy things such as "facial expressions etc".

The lad was actually a highly advanced con artist, and con artists understand others perfectly well, and if you were to tell him he does not understand facial expressions his response would be "WTF do i care about facial expressions while walking away with their wallet".

Ps sorry I aired my views about some taxi drivers!!! Nothing personal. 

At last I can try to understand your views! I think I can understand how devastating it probably was for your family. The parents of children on this forum post here too and have problems such as these that they discuss on the forum.