Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi
I 've not really done this much but I am seriously struggling and have no idea how to change things. I am wondering if there are any other mothers with Asperge'rs who find raising their children hard?
I have 2 daughters and I am constantly worrying that my parenting is damaging them. My youngest daughter has these almost panic attacks where she starts screaming and I am useless at comforting her because the noise just sends me into flight mode where I just run away, either physically or mentally. When I am in a good place I can hold her and stay with her which isn't very often. I have tried to get the GP to help but he isn't interested and I just don't know what to do for the best.
I would be grateful for any advice.
Thanks
Hi Maaya
I'm mum to 2 older teenage boys and I'm aspie too and I feel your pain!
I have found parenting fulfilling but beyond exhausting and I often look at other mums and wonder how it is that they didn't seem so shattered and anxious about their kids all the time. I realise now that my mind is having to work so hard to cope with and understand everything that motherhood throws at me that it was no wonder I feel overwhelmed sometimes. The other things that I constantly worry about is how my behaviours through all of this has already affected or might affect my boys. When everything is a struggle that you have to work really hard at, and while you genuinely find laughter, pretend, joking around, hugs and cuddles and "banter" hard to do then you wonder what message you are sending to them....life should be pleasurable after all, and because I have so many struggles (that I try to pass off) then the boys my think its normal for life to be an uphill struggle and stress inducing when it's not really like that.
That said, they don't actually see me as a struggling, anxious mum - they see me as hilarious, open, honest, supportive, hard-working, sensitive to their needs etc etc. We have great fun and they are both super boys who are both very understanding of Asperger syndrome!! That is the weird thing and the reason I'm writing this for you - my experience, my perception of me as a mum and their experience and their perception are very very different! They love me and although they both moan (lots) when life's hard I remind them that life being hard sometimes and life being easy some of the other times is the right balance and to be expected. You manage to be there for some of the times Maaya and that's the right attitidue - you are doing the very best that you and that is MORE THAN ENOUGH. There will be times that you have to let someone else help and go easy on yourself as we are all allowed to be good sometimes and absolutely not so good other times
Oh, does this even make sense?
Sending you lots of love and strength xx
Kath
Thank you so much for your reply, it was very helpful and encouraging. Yes, I constantly worry about how my behaviour affects my girls, particularly my anxiety and meltdowns which i am trying to reduce. It used to be that just work and outside of home were the places where I had to pretend, but now its at home too and that is exhausting.
It sounds as though you have discussed your Asperger's diagnosis with your boys, which I guess I will need to do at some point. And yes I am trying my best, I just hope it is good enough for them.
Many thanks again
Maaya