Urgent help / advice needed

perhaps I have aspects of demand avoidance some traits fit but I dont control others I'm not afraid of work and doing tasks as long as I'm left alone to do them and organisation is sorted I.e I have materials and drawings I'm an industrial pipefitter and as I told the assessor I enjoy my work in that scenario. maybe the assessor was correct and I am neuro diverse in my own way. I have always been the same throughout my life brilliant at certain things and terrible at others I spanned all 3 levels of education all trough school, top level science, middle maths, bottom English. i am 30 years old and nothing has changed in my life since i was 15 same job, friends, house, no girlfriend.

My dad has classic asd traits although un diagnosed he has highly focused interests in 50's jazz music witch he has 100's of books and Cd's and will talk about it in long monologue fashion even if you tell him you aren't interested he keeps talking. he doesn't notice when my mums upset. but somehow I can see that and read it   

NAS39123 said:

I found it patronizing and insulting to be honest

Oh, that does sound quite patronizing indeed! 

Maybe you can try seeing a different doctor? You may still take about motorcycles, but a different doctor might see it from a different point of view?

NAS39123 said:

One other reason I think he gave was that I don't make plans

Quite sure this is not a criteria on DSM or ICD. 

Sorry I don't know you very well, since you mentioned making plans causes you anxiety, I was wondering if you think you feel you fit the demand avoidance profile described here? https://www.autism.org.uk/about/what-is/pda.aspx

it seems to be a more sociable form of ASD but with less stringent day-to-day planning. 

It may be that you don't fit the demand avoidance profile either, but this is one example that there are many variations of how people with autism show more of some symptoms and less of other symptoms

It was on the paperwork I submitted that I had an interest in motorcycles so he started the conversation asking if I got to the clinic ok with the traffic I said "yes its not far from my house" he then said "I have found a really good way of beating traffic do you know what that is"? I said what's that" a motorbike me- "yes I like motorbikes I have one"  I found it patronizing and insulting to be honest

 the fact will return to the doctors citing the same problems as I have always had constant anxiety and explosive meltdowns rage or tears its embarrassing in the aftermath of a meltdown and the loss of control scares me.

One other reason I think he gave was that I don't make plans I said I don't plans because it causes me anxiety if it doesn't work out, I visit friends spontaneously but only at there houses as I feel comfortable there, its always the same environment with the same people in it.

Yes, I think you can ask for a second opinion. I guess it was quite an unfortunate coincidence that the assessor began with a topic you are familiar with, such that he wouldn't know how your conversation skills are if he had chosen a different topic. If you get a second assessment with someone else, they might start a conversation with a different topic and lead to a different opinion. 

If the assessor denied a diagnosis based on only those two reasons, that does seem quite odd. A person with ASD doesn't need to show all of the symptoms. And I'm sure having friends isn't even one of the diagnosis criteria in either DSM5 or ICD10. 

Having to wait another 18 months would be a really long time. Would there be a way to ask the assessment centre to discuss how they came to the decision? Perhaps they had other reasons other than the ones you mentioned? 

You could also consider going for a private assessment, as the waiting times are much shorter. 

I was assessed by someone who specialises in adult assessments. It is diagnostic service only, so any further support is a bit diy. However, further support is possible via adult psychology services, but not Autistic specific. I was not asked to use children’s books etc and my mother couldn’t be there. You really do need to be assessed as an adult. 

Thanks again I will book an appointment with my gp tomorrow.

The assessment also seemed very childish to me I had to look at Childs books and play with Childs toys, my mother was witness to half of the questioning and she said it didn't seem very in depth. they asked if I had meltdowns as a child if we took a different route to school my mum said no because there is only 1 route to school from my house its 2 streets away plus I would walk with her as she worked at the school

. They seemed to just dismiss that as never having a childhood meltdown!

Hi. I have a good friend from school. I consider I have friends now. I can also talk the hind legs off a donkey on the right subject! However I do find initiating conversation and nurturing friendships more difficult. I have ASD. So go back to your doc. Ask for second opinion. People used to almost laugh at my suggesting I might be autistic too. 

Who was this assessor? He does not sound qualified to do an autism assessment, as autism has nothing to do with whether one has long term friendships, can hold conversations etc, where in the DSM V does it state that an autistic mustn't be able to talk about anything and mustn't have any long term friends? Ignore that guy, go back to your GP and in the meantime put in an official complaint about the assessor. Depending which health authority region you are in the method differs, but the information will be on the NHS region website and basically you just send an email or a letter detailing your complaint and sit back and wait. I am so sorry you have been treated like this though, the psychiatrist I saw was really helpful and used RAAD-R as a confirmation but even gave me a copy of the paper behind it after giving me my diagnosis as he knew I would be interested in it, which was very true.

I very rarely talk in general lol

Thanks Jason I think that is my only option but I don't fancy another 18 month wait, my gp is more understanding as he suggested to me years ago that I may have some form of mental illness due to having problems with alcohol and drugs 'self medicating for some reason' due to the constant anxiety I suffer from. The assessor did say I have some extreme asd traits and said I am neurodiverse but also said I communicate well, I don't feel i did as he was always leading the conversation and I reciprocated. I can never start a conversation with someone I don't know well. I explained my sensory issues with noise and processing language.  I guess I mask my traits well after 30 years

Go back to your docs and tell him what you’ve just told us and ask to be re referred but to a different assessor for a second opinion. I’m pretty certain there’s people out there on the spectrum that have had and managed to keep friends. I’ve also never flapped my hands and can sometimes hold a conversation and I’ve been diagnosed with aspergers. I also have meltdowns and “throw my toys out of my pram” maybe not as prominent as yours though lol.